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Chapter 07 Julie took a deep breath as she slowly walked up the sidewalk. She looked around to quickly make sure that there was no one that she knew around before she pulled the door open and stepped into the abortion clinic. She had narrowly escaped the Hansons house. Diana had asked her several questions about where she was going. Julie hated lying to Diana, but she obviously couldn't tell her where she was really going, so she said had told her that she was going to look for a job. After getting the third degree about being careful and making sure that she had her cell phone with her, Diana had let her go. Julie took a deep breath as she walked over to the front desk. She had found the location of the clinic a few days earlier and was waiting for the opportunity to get away from everyone to go. Jessica had left to stay the night with a friend the night before, and Julie decided that this would be the best day to go because she wouldn't have to try to sneak away from Jessica. She knew that if Jessica had been home, she would have wanted to tag along. Julie entertained the idea of bringing Jessica along with her for a brief moment. The idea of having someone there to hold her hand and comfort her sounded like heaven, but Julie knew that she could never drop something this heavy onto the shoulders of 14-year-old whose biggest problem was pining after her older brother's best friend. The woman at the desk looked up and smiled. "Can I help you?" she asked. "Um, yeah," Julie said slowly. "I - um - I'm here ... I need to ..." She stumbled over her words. She didn't know quite what to say. Her plan to act mature and confident had already gone out the window. She knew there was no way she was going to be able to act like this was not a big deal because it was. "Are you here to have an abortion?" she woman asked softly. Julie nodded. The woman patted Julie's hand gently. "Don't worry, sweetie. You're in good hands," she said as she pulled out some forms. "You need to fill these out and we'll try to get you in with a doctor as soon as possible, okay?" "Okay," Julie nodded. "Thank you," she said as she sat down on a chair across the room. Julie just stared at the papers for a moment before she slowly began to fill it out. She was having trouble concentrating. Her hand shook as she filled out her information, and she even forgot her social security number and had to look for it on her driver's license. After finally wading her way through all the forms, Julie walked back up to the desk and gave the receptionist her papers. "Thank you," she said glancing at the papers as she stood up, "Julie. I'll take you back to a room now, so you can wait on a doctor." Julie followed the receptionist back to a room. "You need to take off all your clothes and change into this," she said handing Julie a hospital gown. "And then you can just sit down here and wait. It shouldn't be too long," she said smiling sympathetically. "Okay," Julie nodded taking a deep breath. "Julie, don't worry. It will all be over soon," the receptionist said patting her on the back before leaving the room closing the door behind her. Julie pushed her hair out of her face and looked around the room nervously. She wondered if she could she really go through with this. She slowly began to unbutton her shirt to change, but stopped and leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. "It will all be over soon," Julie whispered repeating the receptionist's words to herself. She took a deep breath and quickly changed into the gown the receptionist had given her. She sat down on the examination table and cringed at the sound of the crackling of the white paper on it and nervously bit at her nails. As each minute passed, her nerve seemed to deteriorate. She thought about what her parents would think if they knew that she was doing. 'They'd hate me.' She thought. 'They'd hate me if they found out that I'm pregnant. They'd hate me because I'm murdering my baby.' She thought. Then her thoughts drifted to Jessica. They had only recently become friends, but Julie knew that Jessica looked up to her. 'What kind of an example am I setting?' Julie wondered. She jumped when the door swung open and plain-faced woman with a doctor's jacket came in holding some papers. "Julie Lange?" she asked glancing at her. "Yeah," she nodded. "I'm Dr. Sheridan," she said with a sympathetic smile. "I just need to check a few things out before we get started. I just need you to lay back on the table." Julie could hear her words, but suddenly everything around her seemed to be spinning. She felt frozen as the room twisted and turned all around her. Julie closed her eyes tightly and tried to stop the room from spinning around her. "Julie? Julie, are you okay?" Dr. Sheridan asked placing her hand on Julie's shoulder. Julie opened her eyes slowly and looked up at the doctor. "I can't do this," she whispered as tears stung her eyes. "I can't do this." -- Less than an hour later, Julie was sitting at Starbucks sipping on a cup of hot cocoa and trying to pull herself together. Back at the clinic, she had dressed quickly and hurried out the door and to her car before she finally began to sob. Somehow she had managed to calm herself enough to drive away. She had decided to stop at Starbucks and take some time just to think. She figured that it was safe to stop there because Zac didn't have to work, so she wouldn't have to worry about him seeing her in the state she was in. Julie tried to sort out what had happened. All along she had known that she really didn't want to have an abortion, but it was her only real choice. And when she had finally got the chance to go and take care of things, she had freaked out. She didn't know when she would be able to be alone like this again and was afraid she had missed her only chance. Julie closed her eyes and felt hot tears slide down her already tearstained cheeks. She knew she had to pull herself back together and think all this through calmly, but at the moment she was anything but calm or collected. "Are you okay?" Julie looked up slowly and saw Neil standing over her with a look of concern. She wiped her eyes and nodded slowly. She cursed and chided herself for not thinking about the possibility of running into him. "It's Julie, right?" he asked. "Yeah," she replied as her voice cracked. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked. She nodded. "I'm just having a bad day," she lied. "Do you want to talk about it?" Neil asked. "No, really, I'm fine," Julie said quickly. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about it. She just wanted to forget about everything. "But thanks for asking," she added quickly. "Okay," Neil said slowly. "Well, I guess I'll see you around then." "Yeah, see ya," Julie replied forcing a smile as Neil walked away. After he was gone, Julie laid her head on the table and closed her eyes. 'What am I going to do?' she wondered. What would she do if Neil mentioned this to Zac? What would she tell him if he asked her about it? She buried her head in her hands. Each passing day she was growing more and more confused. She didn't know what to do anymore. She had been trying to keep up a good front and make everyone believe that she was happy, but she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep it up - especially if someone like Zac started to ask questions. |