Chapter 33

"That turkey sure does smell good," Taylor commented, patting his stomach as he stretched his legs out on top of the coffee table.

"I think the ham's calling my name," Isaac grinned from his seat on the couch, where Abbie was curled up beside him.

"It all smells pretty good to me," Julie commented softly, rubbing her belly absently. Zac smiled at her from his seat beside her and watched as she placed her feet on the coffee table, adjacent to Taylor's huge feet and wiggled her toes as she tried to suppress a yawn.

"Someone's a sleepy head," Zac observed quietly as Taylor and Isaac jumped into a conversation about the football game that would be starting shortly.

Julie nodded her head at Zac's observation before she rested her head against his shoulder. "I haven't even had the turkey. I think I'm just going to pass out right after I eat."

"Well, isn't that what you're supposed to do anyway?" Zac asked. "Stuff yourself silly and then take a nap?"

"I guess so," Julie sighed, breathing in his scent as her eyes began to droop.

Zac wrapped his arm around her shoulder as she snuggled into him and looked up to find his brothers and Abbie watching them curiously.

He raised an eyebrow as if to say 'what?' Instead of getting an answer, they all returned to their conversation and left Zac to his thoughts with Julie tucked safely under this arm.

He glanced down at Julie, who had seemingly started on her Thanksgiving nap a little early, and smiled softly. She looked so peaceful, which was something he was seeing less and less. He knew that the effects of pregnancy were laying heavily on her. He glanced down at her now unmoving feet and could see that her ankles were swollen. She never complained much, but he knew they were bothering her, and the night before she had been complaining of a backache. Seeing it as his new obligation to make her as comfortable as possible he had given her one of his self-proclaimed "famous" back massages, which had promptly put her to sleep.

After his talk with Ashley about her thoughts on the events of Halloween, Zac had quickly agreed that she was right - he did need to talk to Julie. However, it hadn't been easy for him. In the couple of weeks since nearly having sex with her, they had grown incredibly distant from one another, so by the time he worked up enough nerve to talk to her about the events of that night nearly three weeks later, he was a nervous wreck.

For days he had tried to figure out how to bring it up while Julie had begun spending a lot more time with Jessica or out with Lexi. It seemed as if she were making herself scarce around him as well. And the distance was really beginning to wear on him. He and Julie had become very close, very quickly. She had easily become his third best friend, and he hers or so he liked to think.

Before the "incident" as he liked to call it, they had often spent their evenings together working on homework and watching television or just talking afterwards. He had quickly grown to miss those moments.

He couldn't believe his own stupidity about the situation. He had gotten spooked and rather than face his fears, he had avoided them and only succeeded and pushing Julie farther and farther away. And the timing probably couldn't have been worse. After all, she had enough on her plate without him adding to her uncertainties, so finally one evening after work, he decided that he was going to take the plunge and right the situation no matter what it took.

He knew he had feelings for her. He knew he wanted to be with her - intimately or not, and he wanted her to know how he really felt even if those feelings weren't reciprocated. When he arrived at home after work, it was still fairly early. He took a quick shower and then sought Julie out. However, he didn't have to go too far, as he found her in her bedroom working on homework.

Instead of going into her room through the adjoining bathroom door, he had walked through the hall and to her bedroom door to find it opened about halfway. He had stopped and watched her through the opening for a moment as she pored over her books, seemingly absorbed in whatever it was she was working on. He almost considered leaving her be to finish her homework, but he knew it would just be a cop out, so instead he had knocked lightly on the door, drawing her attention to his presence.

"Hey," he said. "Can I come in?" he asked.

"Sure," Julie nodded, smiling softly as she stood up and walked over to her bed to sit down. "How was work?" she asked.

This seemed to be the common line of conversation as of late. Rather than talk about what was really going on between them, they resorted to keeping things casual and somewhat neutral. Tonight, however, Zac had decided that once the formalities were out of the way, he was going to get things straightened out - at least that was what he kept telling himself.

"It was alright," he shrugged. "We weren't too busy, which was nice, but Neil was unusually obnoxious tonight."

"What was he doing?" Julie asked curiously.

"Well, since there weren't many people inside, he kept dancing around singing along with the radio," Zac explained.

"And what's so obnoxious about that?" Julie smirked.

"Have you heard Neil sing?" he grinned.

Julie shook her head.

"Well, you'd understand if you had to listen to him," Zac replied. "Nails on a chalkboard would probably sound better."

To this Julie laughed and shook her head. "Well, I'm not sorry I missed that then," she commented.

"Lucky," Zac smiled. "So how goes the homework?"

"Well, it goes ... sort of," she shrugged.

"What were you working on?" he asked.

"A paper on The Scarlet Letter," Julie sighed. "We just finished reading it."

"Having any luck on it?" Zac asked.

Julie shrugged. "Not sure yet."

"When's it due?"

"Next Monday," Julie replied.

"Well, remind me later and I'll look and see if I still have my paper and notes from last year," Zac commented. "I did pretty good on it from what I can remember."

"Okay, thanks," Julie smiled.

"No problem," Zac shrugged. He watched for a moment as Julie absently picked at her comforter before he lifted his eyes to her face. He took a deep breath. It seemed as if now was as good of a time as any to start talking about what he had really come to talk to her about. "So, I really came in here to talk to you about something," he said.

Julie looked at him curiously. "Okay ..." she said slowly. "What's up?"

Zac licked his lips and took a deep breath as he wiped his suddenly sweaty hands on his jeans. "It's about ... us," he began, looking up briefly to meet her eyes.

She held his gaze and her face showed concern and a hint of worry. "What about us?" she replied.

"Well ... about what happened on Halloween," he said, trying to keep a facade of calmness, but his nerves were getting the better of him. Part of him wanted to flee to his room and forget about the whole thing, but he knew he couldn't do that. That was what had led him to his current situation in the first place. Had he just stayed and talked to Julie about what he felt rather than getting spooked and hightailing it to the confines of his bedroom, he wouldn't had to have spent three weeks feeling awkward around the girl he cared about.

"Oh that," Julie said simply, casting her eyes to the floor.

"I know I've been kind of distant since then," Zac began. "And I feel really bad about it. I mean, running off like an idiot with no explanation. I'm surprised you haven't slapped me already for being such a jerk."

"You haven't been a jerk," Julie said quickly, lifting her eyes to meet his. "I do wish you would have given me some explanation though, but I could have just as easily initiated this conversation weeks ago."

"I guess we were both just a couple of chickens, huh?" Zac asked with a small smile.

Julie nodded, returning his smile.

"So ..." Zac began, uncertain of where to begin. He took a moment to try to sort his thoughts as Julie bit her lip nervously and waited for him to continue. Finally he tried again. "I guess I should explain why I ran off like an idiot," he said.

"It was because of the baby, wasn't it?" Julie asked.

"Yes and no," Zac answered. "I mean, it was the baby kicking that kind of freaked me out, but it also kind of woke me up and made me say 'what the hell am I doing?' I mean, I'd wanted to kiss you for weeks, maybe months and I finally worked up the nerve to do it, but I didn't expect everything else ..."

"I know, things happened pretty quickly," Julie agreed. "I'm not usually like that ... I swear it must be hormones or something ..." At her words, Zac frowned slightly and Julie immediately knew that he had taken her words the wrong way. "I mean, I wanted you to kiss me. Like you, I've wanted it for weeks, maybe longer. And I guess that ... the anticipation combined with hormones made me behave in a more forward manner than I normally would. I don't make it a habit of nearly having sex with guys I've just kissed for the first time."

"Jules, I know that. I never thought that about you," Zac interrupted.

"Really?"

"I swear," Zac answered. "I know you're not that kind of girl."

"Kind of ironic that you're saying that to a pregnant girl, huh?" Julie said with a hint of sarcasm.

Zac smiled slightly. "Ironic, yes, but that doesn't make it any less true," he said. "Besides, we both let things get out of control. I mean, I don't even have an excuse, but I was still acting on ..." he stopped for a moment, trying to find the right word.

"Lust?" Julie provided.

"I don't want to say lust because that just makes it sound like I'm only physically attracted to you, which isn't the case," Zac replied.

"Yeah, well, I'd be surprised if you were physically attracted to me at all," she commented, making a face.

"Well, I am," Zac replied. "You're beautiful. But that's not the only thing that makes me like you. We became friends before I started feeling this way about you, so I know you, and I like you for the person you are, not just how you look."

Julie smiled softly. "I like you too," she whispered.

"Well, that's a relief!" Zac sighed. "All this time I've been thinking you've been secretly loathing me."

"I'll admit there were a few times I wanted to slap you for being so distant, but that was just as much my fault as it was yours," Julie replied.

"I chose a pretty bad time for the two of us to drift apart, huh?" he asked.

Julie shrugged.

"Come on, I know you've been going through a lot with all the talk about the adoption," Zac said.

"I have," she nodded. "But I'm dealing ..."

"I still should have been here for you more," Zac commented.

"It's okay," she replied. "Besides, I'm the only one who can make all of the hard decisions, which is the main thing that's been weighing me down lately - well, besides my fat ankles and huge belly, of course," she said with a soft smile.

Zac continued to frown though, so Julie rolled her eyes and punched him lightly in the arm. "Zac, lighten up. It's okay."

"But I care about you, and I don't want to see you being weighed down with all of these decisions alone," he said.

"It's not your responsibility," Julie said firmly.

"But that's what confuses me so much," Zac commented.

"What?"

"You say that this is all your responsibility, so where does that leave me in the equation? I like you. I want ..."

"What do you want?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I want us to be together," Zac replied. "It's just that with you being pregnant things are ..."

"More complicated?"

"Yeah," Zac nodded.

"So does that make you not want to be with me?" Julie asked carefully.

"No! It's not like that. I just ... I know that things are hard for you anyway, and it's only probably going to get harder after you have the baby, and I don't want to be some extra baggage you have to deal with," Zac explained.

"Zac," Julie nearly laughed. "I'd never think of you as extra baggage. You and Jess are the two people who have been here for me and kept me sane throughout this whole ordeal. And I'm the one who should be worried about being extra baggage. I understand if you feel hesitant about this," she explained. "I mean, a relationship now would really be new territory for the both of us."

"I'm not hesitant," Zac said. "I'm willing to try if you are."

"You mean that?" Julie asked.

"Yes," he replied. "So, how about you? Are you willing to give it a go?"

Julie's face broke out into a smile. "Of course I am," she exclaimed.

Zac quickly let out a sigh of relief and pulled her into a warm embrace. "Next time, let's not wait so long to talk things through," he commented.

"I'll be sure to make a note of that," she giggled softly.

Zac was suddenly pulled from his thoughts when he heard his name. He snapped out of his daze and looked up to find Taylor staring at him expectantly and Isaac and Abbie were nowhere in sight.

"What?" he asked.

"It's time to eat," Taylor grinned. "You gonna wake up Jules?"

"Yeah, we'll be right there," Zac replied.

Taylor smirked and walked out of the room shaking his head. Zac rolled his eyes at the back of his brother's head and turned to Julie, who was still tucked safely under the weight of his arm and still fast asleep.

Zac smiled to himself and shook her lightly. "Jules?" he whispered. "Julie?" he shook her more firmly this time, and she stirred slightly. "Sleepyhead, it's time to eat," he said.

Julie forced her eyes open with a groan and buried her face into Zac's chest. "I'm too tired to move."

"Does that mean you're too tired to eat too?" he asked.

"I'm never too tired for that," she laughed, lifting her head.

"Well, then we better go. The others are waiting on us," Zac said.

"Okay, fine," she said, making a face.

"Just think, you can sleep until your little heart's content after you've ate," Zac grinned as he stood up.

"Mmm sounds good to me," Julie said, struggling to stand. Zac extended his hand for her to take and he helped pull her up. "Thank you, kind sir," she smiled, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before they headed into the dining room where the rest of the family was waiting.

After their decision to try their hand at a relationship, Zac and Julie had been a little uncertain about whether they should make it a known fact to the rest of the family or keep it to themselves for a while. Julie had been concerned that Diana and Walker would be upset if they knew that she and Zac were seeing each other. Zac had assured her that his parents would probably be thrilled by the news, but with Julie's uncertainties, they decided it would be best to keep things quiet for a while so as not to draw more attention to themselves they was needed.

They entered the dining room and sat in the two empty seats on the right side of the table. Julie squeezed in beside Jessica with Zac on her right beside Mackenzie. Jessica was the only member of the Hanson family that Julie had told about her relationship with Zac. Despite their agreement not to say anything officially, she couldn't keep this from Jessica. She felt it would be wrong not to clue her in after confiding in her about her feelings for Zac.

After they were seated and Walker said grace, everyone dug in. Julie's plate was heaping with all sorts of delicious food and Mackenzie observed that she was eating enough to rival Zac, who was known as the big eater during the holiday meals. Everyone, including Julie, laughed at his observation.

"Julie?" Zoe asked from her seat across the table between bites of turkey.

"Yeah, sweetie?" Julie replied.

"Why is your belly getting so big?" she asked, looking confused and curious.

Julie smiled softly and noticed Diana looking quite embarrassed from her seat at the end of the table. Apparently somewhere along the line, they had missed out on explaining Julie's pregnancy to the littlest Hanson. Though she couldn't say why it had taken Zoe so long to make any inquiries.

Julie opened her mouth to answer Zoe, but Mackenzie beat her to it. "Duh, she's pregnant, stupid," he said.

"Joshua Mackenzie!" Diana scolded. "Do not call your sister stupid!"

Mackenzie slumped down in his seat and Zoe looked hurt as she stuck out her bottom lip and looked at her plate of food. "Sorry I asked," she mumbled softly.

"Oh, Zoe, it's okay," Julie said quickly. "I guess we all forgot to tell you," she said. "My belly is getting big because I'm having a baby."

Zoe looked up at this and her eyes lit up. "A baby? A real life baby? Like Brady?" she asked.

Julie smiled and nodded. "Yeah, like Brady. Only a lot smaller."

"When you have the baby can I hold him?" Zoe asked.

"Oh ..." Julie bit her lip, uncertain of how to explain the fact that she wouldn't be bringing the baby home with her.

"I'll be really careful," she said, looking hopefully. "Mommy let me hold Brady. She said I did very good job."

Julie smiled. "I'm sure you did," she replied. "We'll just have to wait and see what happens okay?"

"Okay," Zoe smiled.

Everyone else at the table remained incredibly quiet. They all seemed rather surprised at how well Julie was handling Zoe's curiosity.

Diana watched Julie for a moment, expecting her to excuse herself at any moment. She was sure that she would be upset by Zoe's questions, but she appeared perfectly calm.

"Can someone pass the stuffing?" she asked, breaking the silence.

At her words everyone else seemed to snap out of it. Taylor passed the stuffing down to Julie and everyone else jumped right back into his or her previous conversations.

Once everyone finished eating, they all started to migrate to different parts of the house. Isaac, Taylor, Zac, Walker, and Mackenzie parked themselves in front of the television to watch the football game while Abbie and Jessica helped Diana put away the leftover food while Avery went upstairs to watch a movie with Zoe in tow. Julie offered to help put things away, but she was promptly shooed out of the dining room.

Since she wasn't particularly interested in football, she went to the den. She sat down before the computer and checked her email but didn't find much more than a bunch of junk mail. However, Isabel did send her a Happy Thanksgiving greeting along with a few complaints about her obnoxious siblings. She quickly replied before she logged off and walked over to the window seat. She sat down with her back against the wall and stared out the window. The leaves on the big tree in the front yard had changed colors and most of the leaves littered the ground below.

She noticed a small pile of leaves just under the tree from where Taylor and Zac had been raking them. They actually had to rake them twice because they had been almost finished with the yard when Isaac came outside with Abbie and Zoe in tow. He had promptly threw his sister followed by his fiancee into the pile of leaves, causing them to scatter across the yard.

Of course Zac and Taylor had been angry at first, but after Isaac threw a pile of leaves at them, it had been an all out war. After throwing leaves at each other for the better part of thirty minutes, they decided that they needed to clean up their mess before their parents caught them goofing around rather than cleaning up.

Julie had witnessed the whole thing from the confines of the house. She had wanted to join them, but it was chilly out and she didn't want to risk catching a cold. She felt miserable enough without adding a runny nose and sore throat to the equation.

As she was sitting there, Zoe wondered into the room. She watched Julie for a moment before she quietly curled up in Julie's lap, resting her head on Julie's belly. Julie was slightly surprised by Zoe's actions, but she smiled and patted the blond child gently on the head.

She returned her gaze to the window and smiled softly to herself. She couldn't deny that she had been a little taken aback by Zoe's questions about her belly, but the fact that it hadn't really upset her that much left her feeling surprised and a little confused.

Part of her felt like she should have been more upset about talking about the baby - especially since Zoe was talking as if Julie would be bringing it home, but talking about it hadn't been so bad, and Zoe's questions and comments had been so sweet, it was hard to feel upset by her words.

Julie just wondered how the little girl would take it when she found out that the baby wouldn't be coming home with them after all. Julie made a silent vow to see to it that Zoe got to hold the baby before he was given to his adoptive parents.

Earlier in the week Julie had gone with Diana back to the adoption agency to meet with a few sets of potential adoptive parents. She had been dreading the whole experience ever since she'd decided to give the baby up for adoption, but she felt it was her obligation to see to it that her baby be placed with good parents.

Luckily, the experience hadn't been as bad as she was anticipating, but it was incredibly awkward nonetheless. The first couple she met she hadn't cared for in the least. The woman looked quite prim and proper, but she came off sounding incredibly snooty. As soon as she opened her mouth and started talking about how much money she and her husband had and all the things they'd be able to provide the baby with, Julie knew they weren't the right parents for her child. While she wanted her baby to have everything he needed, she thought it more important to talk about love and nurturing rather than the things she could buy for him.

The second couple had been very nice. They told Julie why they were looking to adopt and told her how badly they wanted a baby. Of course, she got rather emotional discussing the details of her inability to conceive, and Julie felt terrible for her. However, when the woman from the adoption agency asked about their feelings about an open adoption, the couple seemed a little hesitant. Julie hadn't fully decided what kind of an adoption she wanted, but their hesitance about it made her feel little uncomfortable.

The last couple had been the nicest by far. They told Julie about themselves. Like the second couple, they explained why they were trying to adopt. They even asked Julie why she was looking to give the baby up for adoption, which was something that had taken her aback, but in retrospect made her feel a little bit better. The other two couples hadn't even bothered to ask. She felt like the first couple had looked down upon her as nothing more than a borrowed womb, and she wasn't sure about the second couple, but their lack of enthusiasm about the possibly of her being part of the baby's life had left her feeling put off. However, when the idea of an open adoption was mentioned to the third couple, they seemed very open minded about the idea.

By the time the meeting was over, Julie was pretty certain that she was going to choose the last couple. Everything about them seemed right. Their hearts seemed to be fully in it, and they were the only ones that Julie could see herself being able to maintain a long term relationship with, which would be quite essential should she decide she wanted to be a part of the baby's life.

Julie tore her eyes from the scenery just beyond the window and looked down at Zoe. It looked as if the Thanksgiving dinner had taken its toll on Zoe. She was fast asleep on Julie's lap. She patted her gently on the back and smile to herself. Zoe was quite possibly the sweetest child she had ever met.

Julie knew that it had a lot to do with how she was raised. All of the Hanson children were kind and considerate. Loving parents with good morals had raised them, so it was no wonder they had turned out so well. Part of Julie wished that Diana and Walker could take her baby and raise him as well. She knew it sounded ridiculous, but she knew that she would have nothing to worry about if people like them were raising her baby.

Her thoughts were shattered when she heard the phone ring. Luckily, someone had left one of the many cordless handsets on the table that was only an arm's length away from where Julie was seated. She reached over and grabbed the phone.

She pressed talk and lifted it to her ear. "Hello?"

"Julie?" she immediately recognized the muffled voice of her mother.

"Yeah, hi, mom," she replied.

"Happy Thanksgiving, sweetheart!" Kathie said.

"Yeah, you too," Julie replied. "How was yours?" she asked.

"Very nice," Kathie replied. "We came into town where they were having a huge dinner. It was very cozy. How was yours?"

"It was really good. Diana made all kinds of stuff," Julie replied.

"I bet you stuffed yourself silly, huh?"

"Yeah," Julie replied, laughing lightly.

"So, how are you feeling?" Kathie asked.

"Pretty good," Julie answered honestly. "I little tired, but nothing a nap couldn't cure."

"Any how are things going with the adoption?" she asked.

"Alright. I met a few couples the other day," Julie replied.

"And that went okay?"

"Yeah, kind of awkward. I didn't really like the first couple much. The other two were alright though," Julie replied.

"That's good," Kathie commented. "Will you be meeting more couples?"

"I'm not really sure," Julie replied. "Is dad with you?"

"Yeah, he's right here," Kathie replied. "Would you like to talk to him?"

"Yes, please," Julie replied. She heard her mother handing the phone over to her father and took a deep breath. She knew her mother meant well, but for some reason whenever she talked about the baby or the adoption with her, her anxiety only seemed to grow. She couldn't explain why she felt that way. With everyone else, she seemed to be handling things pretty well and wasn't that easily upset by discussing it. It was just her mother that seemed to make her feel so uneasy.

"Hey, Jules," Calvin's voice broke through the phone.

"Hi, dad," Julie smiled. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm just fine," he answered. "Looking forward to civilization more and more each day though."

"Yeah, I bet," Julie laughed.

"I tell you what - as soon as we get back, I'm taking you out for pizza," he said.

"That sounds like a plan," Julie smiled.

"So, how are you feeling?" he asked.

"Just a little tired," she replied.

"Well, that's to be expected," he replied. "I think your mother slept almost the whole time she was pregnant with you."

"Must be hereditary then, huh?"

"Possibly," Calvin chuckled. "How is school going?"

"Really well," Julie replied. "I think I might actually get to take it easy next year."

"Well, that's good. Then you can just focus on applying to different colleges," Calvin said.

"Yeah, that's the plan," Julie replied.

"Well," Calvin sighed. "I guess your mom wants to talk to Diana, so I'll have to let you go."

"Aww, okay," Julie replied.

"I love you, sweetheart," he said.

"I love you too, dad," Julie replied. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, and so does your mom," he said.

"Tell her I miss her too," Julie said.

"I most definitely will," he said. "Now is Diana nearby?"

"Yeah, hang on a minute. Zoe's asleep on my lap," Julie answered.

"Ah, the turkey has kicked in," he commented as Julie lifted Zoe carefully and slipped out from underneath her.

"Apparently so," she said she laid her down in the window seat and then waddled her way towards the kitchen to find Diana.

After saying a quick goodbye to her mother, she handed the phone over to Diana. She went back into the den and grabbed the afghan off of back of the couch and covered Zoe's sleeping form. She then made her way into the living room where the guys were watching the game. She slid into the empty seat beside Zac. He put his arm around her with a smile and she curled up beside next to him.

"Everything okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, my parents just called," she answered.

"Ah, and you're sure you're okay?" he asked.

Julie had confessed to Zac about her anxiety from talking to her mother the last time they had called, so he knew that talking with her had probably drew out those anxieties yet again.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied. "I only talked to mom for a few minutes. I talked to dad longer."

"How are they doing?" he asked.

"Good," she replied.

"That's good," Zac said.

"Yeah," Julie yawned, "I think the turkey is catching up with me. It already knocked Zoe out."

"Oh, did it?" he laughed.

"Yeah, she curled up on my lap in the den and passed out not long after," Julie smiled.

Zac laughed softly. He glanced at the others and saw that his brothers and father were all enthralled with the game, shouting out comments every so often.

"So, what about Zoe's interrogation during dinner? You're not upset about it?" he asked quietly.

Julie smiled softly and shook her head. "No, it's fine. She was just curious," she answered. "Besides, just take one look at that kid and try to be upset. It's impossible."

"Don't I know it," Zac laughed. "Mom and dad are going to have their hands full when she's older. She's going to be beating guys off with a stick."

"And you'll be just around the corner ready to beat the crap out of them if they step out of line," Julie commented.

"You bet I will," he grinned.

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