Chapter 35

Isabel's visit turned out to be an all-around good time for the whole family. Diana immediately took the Isabel, as did the younger kids. She made sure to do her part around the house even though Diana insisted that she was a guest and didn't need to help with the daily chores. However, being the busy body that she was, Isabel wouldn't give it up and made sure to help out whenever she could.

Walker even found common ground with her. As a daughter of a mechanic, Isabel knew how to talk shop, and when Walker's car picked up a terrible new squeaking noise, Isabel followed him out to the garage to give it a listen before giving her diagnosis on the situation. And when Walker took the car to the mechanic the following day, Isabel turned out to be correct.

While Julie and Isabel spent plenty of time together on their own hanging out, they also spent a great deal of time with Zac, Jessica, Neil, Ashley, and Michael. Of course finding days when they all were off work or didn't have other plans proved to be a challenge, so the whole group only got to hang out together one afternoon, but Julie got the chance to introduce Isabel to each of them at different times.

When the time came for Isabel to return home, Julie couldn't help but cry. She had enjoyed the visit with her best friend greatly, and it had brightened her spirits immensely. Julie had confessed all of her fears about giving birth to Isabel, and she had assured her that everything would be okay, so even after Isabel's departure, Julie's spirits remained high.

A few days after Isabel left school resumed, but thankfully, as a new semester was beginning, the stress level was significantly lower than it had been before the break. Julie, Jessica, and Zac settled into their new schedules quickly and got right back into the swing of school - much to their distaste.

With Julie's due date quickly approaching, she began to have weekly visits with the doctor starting with the first week of January. It was then that her doctor had expressed some surprise at the fact that she hadn't gone into labor early, as many girls her age tended to. But when January 17th arrived with Zoe's birthday and there was no baby, Julie began to worry. She knew it wasn't unusual for women to be over their due date, but the anticipation quickly brought her stress level right back up despite her doctor's reassurances that everything was perfectly normal.

It was finally decided that they would wait another week and if Julie didn't go into labor by then, then they would induce her labor. The anticipation around the Hanson household quickly grew. Jessica and Zac had sort of made a joke of it with Julie to lessen her stress by asking her every morning at breakfast if she felt like today was going to be the big day. Julie's answer of 'beats me' quickly turned to 'God, I hope so' as she grew increasingly irritable and uncomfortable with each day she remained pregnant.

When Julie finally went into labor it was at the oddest of times. She, Jessica, and Zac had been seated in her room on the bed working their way through their homework. Jessica was battling a particularly nasty geometry problem, and after dealing with it on her own for close to fifteen minutes, she finally begged Zac for help.

Since Zac had always been a fairly good math student, he quickly worked out where his sister was going wrong and was in the middle of a smart aleck remark when Julie's first contraction came her. Her cry quickly halted Zac's mockery toward his sister, and Diana was promptly called into the room, as Zac turned to a "panicky, useless fool" as Jessica later described.

Diana quickly took charge of the situation. She had Zac get her bags, as he seemed incapable of doing anything else of use, and she ushered Julie down the stairs. Avery was left to take care of Zoe and Mackenzie while Walker, Diana, Zac, and Jessica headed off to the hospital.

After checking in and Julie was settled in her room, the doctor came in to see her. Since she was only dilated about two centimeters, it seemed that they were going to be in for a long night. Zac and Walker took up residence in the waiting room, namely because Zac was still in a state of panic and quickly getting on everyone's nerves.

"I don't know what his problem is," Julie muttered once Walker ushered him out of the room. "You'd think I was having his baby from the way he's acting."

"Oh, he just wishes," Jessica replied.

"Now that's a scary thought," Diana commented, shaking her head as she dug around in her purse for a moment before finding her cell phone. "I'm going to go call and check on the kids and see if Isaac or Abbie will go stay with them."

"Don't forget to call Taylor too," Julie said. "He said to make sure he was informed when this little critter decided to come."

"Okay, I'll call him too," Diana smiled as she headed for the door.

Jessica walked over and sat down on the edge of Julie's bed. "So, how are you feeling?" Jessica asked, taking her hand in hers.

"Oh ... nervous, anxious, terrified," Julie sighed. "I mean, this is it. The big moment."

"Well, everything is going to be fine," Jessica smiled.

"Thanks," Julie replied as her eyes watered and she felt a contraction coming on. "When are they coming down to give me the epidural?"

Jessica glanced toward the door and bit her lip. "I'm not sure," she answered after a moment. "Want me to go ask mom if she'll ask one of the nurses about it?"

"Please?"

Jessica smiled. "I'll be right back."

"And I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere," she replied.

Jessica quickly found Diana in the waiting room on the phone with Abbie. She relayed Julie's request, and Diana handed her cell phone over to Walker and asked him to called Taylor. She sent Jessica back to stay with Julie and went to speak with one of the nurses.

About ten minutes after Diana returned to Julie's room, a nurse came back to check on her. She was dilated to four centimeters, and after consulting the doctor, the nurse called the anesthesiologist. She arrived about ten minutes later and administered the epidural. The epidural block started working within five minutes and all of the pain Julie had been experiencing before had diminished to nothing more than some pressure during her contractions.

After Zac had calmed down enough, he came back to the room to check on Julie and was relieved to see that she was experiencing little to no pain. He sat with her for a while as she rested and waited to reach ten centimeters. It was during that time that Julie told him that she wanted Diana and Jessica to stay in the room with her while she had the baby. She had told him gently, so as not to hurt his feelings and to the relief of both of them, Zac readily agreed.

When she finally reached ten centimeters, Zac was shooed out of the room, and the doctor and a couple of nurses entered Julie's room, fully prepared to deliver the baby. After close to an hour of pushing and many words of encouragement from Diana and Jessica, the delivery was over at 11:37 p.m. on January 24th, and Julie had given birth to a healthy baby boy.

The nurse quickly weighed him and measured him after she cleaned him and then wrapped him in a warm blanket before asking Julie if she would like to hold him. Diana and Jessica both held their breath as they waited for Julie to answer. She smiled tiredly and nodded her head. The nurse then placed him in her arms and she got her first look at her son.

"He's beautiful," Julie whispered with tears in her eyes. "Absolutely perfect."

"Yes, he is," Diana nodded in agreement.

Julie held him for a while longer before the nurse came back to get him. Julie felt a pang of her sorrow as she watched the nurse take him from her arms and place him in a bed to be pushed down the nursery.

"Diana?" Julie croaked as she watched the nurse wheel her son away.

"Yes, Julie?"

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Anything, sweetheart," Diana replied.

"Will you make sure Zoe gets to hold him before the people from the adoption agency come and take him?" she asked.

Diana smiled softly. "Of course," she nodded.

"Thank you," Julie whispered and she rested against her pillows. She closed her eyes and the tears that she had been holding back slipped from her eyes and slid down her cheeks, leaving a tear in their wake.

Jessica looked from Julie to her mom. Diana wrapped her arm around Jessica's shoulder. "Come on, let's let her get some rest," she said.

Jessica silently let her mother guide her from the room and down the hallways to the waiting room, where everyone was waiting to hear about the progress. As Diana told them about how things had gone and how the baby was doing, Jessica stood silently, frowning deeply.

She glanced at her family for a moment before she stepped out of the waiting room and made her way toward the nursery. She stood outside the glass window and looked at the all of the babies. She immediately recognized 'Baby Lange' in the front row and smiled softly. Julie had been right. He certainly was beautiful and perfect, which was why Jessica couldn't understand why Julie was still going to let the people from the adoption agency take him away.

Deep down Jessica had always thought that once the baby arrived, Julie would change her mind and bring him home with her. Jessica couldn't understand how she could carry him inside of her for nine months and then let someone else take him away. She knew that Julie had thought about this long and hard, but Jessica still couldn't understand. Just by being around Julie, she had grown attached to the child growing inside.

Jessica jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Zac standing behind her. He smiled softly and peered over her shoulder. "Where is he?" he asked.

Jessica quickly pointed him out and they both admired the sleeping newborn from just beyond the glass.

"How can she let him go?" Jessica asked after a long silence.

"I don't know," Zac replied quietly. "I think that she thinks this is what's best for both of them."

"I just don't understand," Jessica whispered.

"I know, but we don't have to," he replied. "We've just got to be there for Julie now. She's really going to need us to be strong for her right now."

"I know, and I will be," Jessica answered, sighing softly.

Zac wrapped his around arm his sister's shoulders the same way their mother had and gave her shoulder a light squeeze. "Come on, we've all had a long night. I say we go get some sleep."

"That sounds like a plan," Jessica agreed.

Julie's stay in the hospital lasted a couple of days. During that time, she mostly stayed in her room. Zac and Jessica had to return to school, and she assured Diana that she could be fine to stay at the hospital alone, so she was left alone.

However, when she wasn't in her room, she ventured down to the nursery. She never went inside though. Instead she watched her baby from the outside. The nurses in the nursery were always kind to her though, asking her if she'd like to hold the baby, but she always declined. Part of her longed to hold him, but she knew if she held onto him for too long, it would only hurt that much more when the people from the adoption agency came to get him.

Zac and Jessica came to visit with her every day after school. They were both nice enough to get all of her homework for her, and during her long days alone, she busied herself with keeping up with the homework. And around dinnertime, Zac would drive somewhere and pick them up something for dinner, as the hospital food wasn't particularly appetizing.

On Saturday morning Diana, Zac, and Jessica arrived at the hospital to get Julie. They had to wait about an hour before someone came to fill out the paperwork to dismiss her. Before they left though, Julie decided she wanted to make a stop at the nursery. Diana told her to go ahead and they would wait in the waiting room for her.

This time when she reached the nursery, she went inside and asked to hold her baby for a moment. The nurse quietly agreed and brought him to her. She sat down in one of the empty rocking chairs held him in her arms and stared down at his sleeping form.

"You have a perfect angel," the nurse commented. Julie hadn't seen her before, so she guessed that she was just coming onto the shift. "He hardly ever cries. Just when he needs a diaper change or is hungry."

Julie smiled, fighting back tears.

"Have you named him yet?" the nurse asked. It was then that Julie knew that this nurse really had no idea, but she didn't mind. When she was around the other nurses who knew she was giving the baby up for adoption, she always felt so self-conscious. Though they were always nice to her, she couldn't help but feel like they thought less of her because of it.

"Um ... his name ... is ... well, I thought," Julie struggled for a moment as she rocked him ever so slightly. "I thought I'd call him Liam," she finally replied.

"Liam is a very nice name," the nurse smiled.

"Yeah ... Liam Calvin Walker," Julie said softly as she looked down at the sleeping form of her son. She's always liked the name Liam. As a child she had 'collected' names - as she liked to call it. Whenever she heard a name that stood out to her, she'd jot it down in her notebook for future reference. Over the years some of the names had been marked off the list, but Liam was one that never went away.

During the last few months of her pregnancy, she had thought a great deal about what her baby would be named. She knew that his adoptive parents would name him, but she couldn't help but think about what she would name him - if only just in her own mind. Liam had come easily, and then she decided that it would only be right to name him after two of the most important men in her life - her father and Zac, so the combination of Calvin Walker seemed like a perfect fit for the middle names of her son.

She stayed for a few more minutes, rocking him quietly before she placed him back in his bed. She then went to find Diana, Zac, and Jessica. Each step she took away from the nursery and her baby seemed to make her heart ache that much more. She felt like she was abandoning him, leaving him there all alone, but she knew that the people from the adoption agency would be coming to get him soon. He would probably be off to meet his new family by the time she reached home, though this thought brought little comfort to her.

She knew that the Hendersons would take good care of him though. They had been the family she had liked from the beginning, and they had told her that she could see him as often as she liked, but as she followed Diana, Zac, and Jessica out to the van, she knew it wouldn't be the same.

The ride home seemed to drag on forever. The sky was dark and cloudy. The weatherman had said that a heavy storm was coming their way. The weather seemed to match Julie's mood perfectly. Zac and Jessica spoke amicably, trying to brighten Julie's spirits, but her mind was elsewhere, and finally they admitted defeat and the rest of the drive home was blanketed in silence.

When they arrived home, Julie didn't bother to stick around to see everyone. She didn't feel like being bothered with questions about how she felt or how she was doing. Instead she retreated to her room where she threw her bag down and kicked off her shoes.

She walked over to the window and stared outside for a moment as she rested her hand on her stomach. She looked down to where her hand was resting and felt a sinking feeling. Gone was the huge bump that had once been there. There was no more kicking and moving.

She was empty.

This realization caused her heart to beat faster and her head to pound. For months she had complained about feeling fat, so why wasn't she happy? Her stomach wasn't as flat as it had once been, but it was significantly smaller. A couple of months of working out and she could be back to her original size, and the stretch marks she had gotten in the last few months of her pregnancy weren't nearly as noticeable as she had feared they would be.

So why wasn't she happy? This had been what she wanted all along, wasn't it? She would get her figure back in no time. Her baby had a good home and her life could return to normal. When her parents returned to the United States, she could go back to California and act as if this whole phase of her life had never happened. No one else would have to know. Everything was going just as she had planned.

She quietly walked over to her bed and laid down, curling herself into the fetal position. As perfectly as things seemed to be going, Julie couldn't help but feel a deep sinking feeling of regret. In all of her planning she had somehow underestimated how hard it would be to let go.

As she laid there in her bed, feeling cold, tired, and empty, she let go of all she was trying to hold back and let the tears fall freely to her pillow, and as darkness of the oncoming storm outside cast it's angry glare across the sky, the darkness quickly enveloped Julie as well and she fell into what would be the first of many nights of restless sleep.

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