I was surrounded by darkness. I couldn’t see anything. I was confused. I knew I had left my bedroom door open a crack before I went to sleep, but I couldn’t see the dim glow of the hallway light.

I tried to move, but I couldn’t. Something was holding my hands in place and my legs felt heavy. I knew I was still in my bed though. I could feel the softness of my favorite pillow beneath my head.

I blinked a few times, thinking that maybe I was dreaming. Maybe I wasn’t quite awake yet.

Blink. Blink. Nope. Still nothing by darkness. I shook my head in confusion.

I tried to move again, but it was no use. I started to struggle, but I felt frozen when I heard the words “don’t move” from somewhere above me in the darkness.

“Judy Ju Ju, it’s time to get up.”

I groaned at the sound of my older sister’s voice filtering through my foggy mind. I opened my eyes an inch before snapping them closed again. “Close the blinds,” I muttered as I rubbed my sleep filled eyes.

“Quit being a baby and get up,” Emmy said. I could hear her moving around my room. She was snooping. I was sure of it.

I laid there, feeling content with the warm, comfort of my bed. It always seemed like the moments right before I had to get out of bed were always my most comfortable. Then my stupid alarm clock would alert me of the time and the moment would be ruined.

Instead of the horrible beeping of my alarm clock, it was my sister who ruined the moment.

“Get up, Jude,” Emmy said. “Today’s a big day for you.”

“Quit reminding me,” I muttered as I finally forced my eyes open. Thankfully, Emmy had been kind enough to close the blinds, so I was no longer being blinded by the brightness of the sun.

I sat up slowly while stifling a yawn and looked around my room for a moment. My bags were neatly stacked by the door, and the clothes I had set out for my “big day” were still laying on my desk, where I had left them the night before. Emmy had her back to me and was looking at the pictures that decorated my corkboard above my desk.

I didn’t know why she suddenly found them so interesting. She’d seen them all before. However, she probably hadn’t seen them in that sort of display. After all, in the four months since I’d moved into the new house with my dad and stepmom, she had only been in my room a handful of times.

“You better get a move on it,” Emmy commented as she turned around to face me. “Dad and Fleur are ready and raring to go.”

“I have to take a shower,” I commented as I climbed out of bed and walked over to my desk to grab my clothes.

“Don’t take too long,” Emmy commented. “Dad wants to beat the traffic, and I have to leave soon and I want to say goodbye before you go.”

“I won’t be long,” I replied. “And don’t leave without saying goodbye!”

Emmy rolled her green eyes and smiled wryly. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Do you really think I’d let my baby sister go off to college without saying goodbye?”

“It’s hard to say with you,” I replied, brushing past her with my clothes in hand. I stepped out of my room and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. The coolness of the wood floors caused me to shiver slightly. I still wasn’t used to the lack of carpet on the floors. Every time I put my feet on the floor, I expected to sink my feet into the soft, plush carpet instead of cherry wood floors.

As I turned on the water for my shower, I stifled another yawn and thought about my sister’s words. I couldn’t believe I was actually leaving for college already. My summer seemed to have passed by in a blur. I couldn’t really remember much of anything from my few short months as a high school graduate.

It seemed odd to me that my summer seemed so boring. Summer had always been my favorite season, namely because it meant there was no school and I could spend my days being lazy as I hung out with my best friends, Paul and Drea. This summer had been different though. So many things were different from every other summer. I was different. I knew it and everyone else around me knew it.

I brushed my teeth before I jumped into the shower and quickly lathered up the body wash and cleaned myself off. I washed my hair and rinsed all of the suds out of my hair quickly before I turned off the water and pushed back the shower curtain. I grabbed my towel and started to dry off.

I knew my sister would be impressed by my newfound ability to manage a ten-minute shower. When she had still lived at home, we had always fought over who got to take a shower first. Back then I used to always take my time just to annoy her. I guess it felt like some sort of an obligation. After all, I was seven years younger than her. I was the annoying little sister, but I was also the baby, so I could get away with stuff like that. Emmy knew it too, and it drove her nuts.

Even after close to six years, I missed Emmy not living at home though. Of course, we didn’t even still live in the same home as we had when she had lived with us, and with her being married with two children, it would be odd for her to still live at home. But even with a seven-year gap between us, Emmy and I were still close and I missed seeing her daily like I used to.

I quickly dressed and glanced at myself in the mirror as I plugged in the hair dryer but did a double take when I noticed the dark circles under my eyes. It quickly reminded me of my nightmare. It was a reoccurring dream. I’d been plagued by it virtually every night for the past six months. There was an occasional break from the dream, but that was usually due to some help from something prescribed by a doctor.

It never made sense to me though. No matter how much sleep I managed to get, I always wound up waking up feeling exhausted. Sometimes the medication the doctor prescribed helped get rid of my nightmares, but it still left me feeling tired. I’d have to drag myself from place to place and basically all I could think about was getting back home and getting some sleep, but it seemed to be an endless cycle because each more was the same thing all over again. Although, truthfully, I preferred feeling tired to visiting the same nightmare each night.

I had forgotten to take my medicine before I went to bed the night before though. It was packed neatly away in my bags with the rest of my things, and by the time I returned home, I was too tired to bother with digging it out. I knew it would warrant a mess, and I hadn’t really felt like cleaning it up, so in essence I had chosen to revisit the nightmares.

I’d never claimed to have the best of judgment though.

After blow-drying my hair, I pulled out my old hair straightener and plugged it in. In lieu of going away to college, my stepmom, Fleur, had insisted upon taking me shopping for new stuff to take with me. Drea had tagged along on the shopping trip and got some new stuff as well despite the fact that she was staying home.

Besides being my best friend, Drea was also my cousin. Our mothers were sisters and best friends, and when I was born a year after Drea, our mothers made it their life goal to make sure that she and I were best friends. Despite the fact that Drea and I were quite different, we had made our mother’s proud and been friends since we were in diapers.

It felt weird to be leaving home without Drea. She had been with me basically every day of my life. Our moms owned a hair salon together and through elementary school, we had spent nearly every day after school there as our moms finished up work. Holidays were always spent together. It was always Jude and Drea, Drea and Jude.

I had tried for a time to convince her to come away to college with me, but she had refused, stating that it just wasn’t her thing. I knew it was true too. Drea had never been interested in school. I had never particularly liked school myself, but I had always done well. College had always seemed like the next logical step after high school for me. My parents had instilled that belief in me from a very young age. They’d always said that I could always be whatever I wanted to be, but college was a necessity.

They’d told Emmy the same thing. Even when she got pregnant right before she started her freshman year of college, she had been determined to make our parents proud and finish college. Emmy had always been headstrong like that though. She never let people tell her that she couldn’t do something.

Even after finding out she was pregnant and having a minor freak out, saying that she just couldn’t do it all, she managed to pull herself together. Harris, Emmy’s boyfriend of two years, had proposed to her about three months before either of them found out she was pregnant, so they decided to move the wedding date up so that they would be married before their child was born. Mom, Mia, and Emmy planned her wedding in a matter of only a couple of months, so before even finishing her first semester of college, Emmy was married with her first child on the way.

Growing up I’d always looked up to Emmy, but after Lula was born, I had a new found respect for my sister. She took on the role of wife, mother, and student in stride. While I didn’t necessarily want to do things in the same order as her, I hoped that someday I would be just as strong and brave as her.

Once my straightener was hot, I grabbed a brush and pulled it quickly through my hair a few times. I could tell that my hair had grown a lot over the summer. Before graduation it had reached the nape of my neck. Now it was just below my shoulders. I wasn’t surprised though. Being the daughter and niece of hair stylists had insured that I had healthy hair. Even as often as I dyed it, it still remained healthy.

I hadn’t dyed it as much in the recent months though. I wasn’t allowed to dye my dirty blonde hair until I was fifteen, and in the two and half years since I’d been allowed, my hair had been nearly every color under the sun. I had settled for a reddish-brown color right before my high school graduation, and I had stuck with it all summer. Drea had tried to get my to let her experiment with some different styles, but I hadn’t been too interested.

Drea had always been more interested in doing hair than I ever was. When we’d hang out at the hair salon, she always paid attention to what all of the stylists were doing. Then our senior year she finally convinced her mom to let her work at the salon part-time. She turned out to be a pretty decent hair stylist even with her limited schooling on the subject. However, working for her mom proved to be the hardest part, so every few months it seemed, Drea would find another part-time job and quit the salon. Then when she grew tired of working at fast food joints or in retail stores, she’d always return to the salon, where her mom always welcomed her back.

Sometimes I couldn’t even remember what my hair looked like before I started dying it. It’s odd how much the color of your hair can change the way a person looks. When my hair was my natural color, people always told me how much I looked like Emmy. After I started dying it, I started hearing that less. I really couldn’t decide if that was a good or bad thing though. Emmy was pretty. I never really minded being told we looked alike, but it seemed that when people quit seeing the similarities, they were able to notice me or me rather than who I resembled.

After straightening my hair and quickly applying some light make-up, I checked myself in the mirror once again. I hadn’t made too much of a fuss over my clothing. I’d just decided to wear something casual, like I would wear any other day, so I had settled on my favorite pair of stonewashed, low-rise jeans that flared out slightly at the bottom and a black Coheed and Cambria t-shirt that I’d bought when I saw them on tour over the summer. That was one of the few things that stood out about my summer.

I stepped out of the bathroom and walked back to my room and pulled on my Carolina blue low-top Converse All-Stars. They were the only shoes that I had left out. All of my others were packed away. If I had been thinking ahead, I probably would have left out my black or red chucks because they would have matched my shirt better than the blue. However, I hadn’t thought that far ahead, and I was still feeling too tired and lazy to bother with digging them out of my bags, so with that decided I made my way down the back staircase that led down to the kitchen.

In the kitchen, I found my dad sipping on his morning coffee as he read the newspaper. Emmy was engrossed in watching the television. I glanced at the screen and noticed that they were talking with the one of the previous castoffs from Survivor. I rolled my eyes and turned to find Fleur, my stepmom, smiling at me as she nibbled at her bran muffin.

“Good morning, Jude,” she smiled.

“Morning,” I replied. Whether it was a good morning or not remained to be seen. My dad glanced at me over the top of his newspaper. He gave me one of his smiles that was only reserved for me. I smiled in return as I made my way to the refrigerator. I grabbed the last cup of custard style yogurt and shut the refrigerator door with my hip as I pulled a spoon out of the drawer where we stored all of the silverware. I sat my yogurt and spoon on the bar beside my dad and walked over to fix myself a cup of coffee.

I smiled to myself as I poured the coffee into a mug and began to add sugar and creamer. My dad always teased me, asking me if I’d like some coffee with my cream and sugar. I stirred the hot liquid before taking a sip. It tasted sickeningly sweet. Just the way I liked it.

I walked over to my seat at the bar and sat down my mug before hopping up on the stool. Fleur was humming softly to herself as she looked over some papers, and the newspaper had once again gained my dad’s attention. There was a commercial on the television, so Emmy was able to tear her eyes away from the screen and looked at me curiously.

“What?” I asked as I torn the aluminum off the top of my yogurt.

She shrugged. “Nothing,” she replied. “I’m just impressed that you got ready so quickly.”

I rolled my eyes and dug into my yogurt. It was key lime pie – my favorite. I savored the taste for a moment before answering to my sister. “What are you doing here anyway?” I asked. I didn’t know why I bothered to ask most of the time. Despite the fact that Emmy shared a three-bedroom house with her husband and two daughters and lived approximately an hour away, she usually wound up at our house at least a few times throughout the week.

“I have a meeting in town in about forty-five minutes,” she replied. “I thought I’d drop in and say goodbye before you left.”

“Oh,” I replied. “What kind of meeting?” I asked.

“New client,” she sighed. “She wants me to decorate her living room. It’s going to be fun,” she added with a hint of sarcasm. “World class snob.”

I smiled softly. Emmy was an interior decorator. She loved designing rooms for her clients, but every so often she would come around with a complaint about a new one. Since the majority of the people she designed for were rich people with far too much money to shell out, it wasn’t any wonder she wound up butting heads with some of them occasionally. But like I said, Emmy had always been headstrong. She never gave up or backed down from a challenge - even if that meant she’d have to deal with some snob for an extended amount of time.

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll change her tune once you start designing her room,” Fleur commented, glancing up from the papers she had been studying. “Who could complain when you can turn something completely drab into fab?” she winked.

“Thanks, Fleur,” Emmy smiled. Fleur had let Emmy decorate the new house when we moved into it, so we all knew that she meant what she said.

I smiled softly and continued eating my yogurt. I loved listening to Fleur talk. Her accent always intrigued me. She was born and raised in Paris the majority of her life. Then a modeling scout found her at the mall when she was sixteen. She was quickly signed by an agency, and after doing small shows for a couple of years, she got the opportunity to travel the world and model. When she was twenty-two, she moved to the United States. She modeled for a couple more years before she decided that she wanted to do something other than “prance about in her knickers” as she put it, so she stopped modeling and got into designing clothing.

She and my dad met in 2002 at one of her fashion shows. My dad was an accountant and one of his clients invited him to the show. He had been reluctant to go at first, but Emmy and I convinced him to go to the show. Our mom had died two years earlier, and after her death, dad seemed to throw himself into work. Emmy and I knew he was lonely, so we thought that it would be good for him to get out and have some fun. Little did we know that he would end up meeting his future wife, who was fourteen years his junior.

At first dad had been hesitant to date Fleur. I have to admit that it was a little awkward the first time Emmy and I met her because Fleur was young enough to be our sister. In fact she had siblings who were around Emmy and I’s age, but once we got to know her, the idea didn’t feel so weird anymore. I had had some worries that she might try to come in and take over as my mother, but she had never done anything of the sort. Instead she had become a friend to Emmy and I.

I think I was especially fond of her because of her career in fashion. Since I was young, I had always enjoyed sewing and with my mom’s encouragement, I had began making my own clothes. At first it was just stuff from patterns, but before long I was designing my own clothes. I think I was the only kid in my class who had actually enjoyed that part of Home Economics.

After my mom’s death though, I sort of stopped for a while. I seemed to lose my creative flair because my mom had always been my number one fan and encouraged me to try new things. Without her there, it just didn’t feel the same, but when Fleur came into the picture, my zest for fashion returned as well. She helped me in so many ways and made me feel good about what I was doing, much in the same way my mom had, and I couldn’t help but grow to love her – not as a mother, but definitely as a friend and mentor.

“So, are we about ready to roll?” dad asked as he folded up the paper.

I took a sip of my coffee and nodded.

“Well, I guess we should get your things and start loading them into the car,” dad commented as he stood and straightened his shirt. Something about him seemed off to me, but I couldn’t quite place what it was.

“Okay,” I agreed as he headed for the stairs. I took another sip of my coffee and watched my father disappear up the staircase. “Is dad okay?” I asked once I was sure he was out of earshot.

“I think he’s just starting to have empty nest syndrome,” Fleur replied. “You know it’s going to be awfully quiet around here without you.”

“Way to go with the guilt trip, Fleur,” I commented dryly.

“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty,” she smiled softly. “I’m just stating the facts.”

“Well, if it’s an consolation, I’m sure she’ll be calling home every five minutes,” Emmy commented.

“Shut up, I will not,” I glared at her as dad came back down the stairs, carrying my suitcase and one of my bags.

“These bags aren’t going to walk themselves out to the car, you know,” he commented.

“Really? Dang,” I grinned as I stood up and headed up the stairs to retrieve the rest of my bags with Emmy in tow.

“You know Fleur’s right, don’t you?” she commented as we walked up the stairs side by side. “Dad is really going to miss you.”

“I know,” I replied as we reached the landing. “I’ll miss him and Fleur too. Hell, I’ll even miss your annoying morning wakes up.”

“Aww, I knew you loved me, Spaz,” she grinned as we reached my room.

I rolled my eyes. I hated when she called me Spaz. Most people would figure after being called something like that for the majority of your life, you’d be used to it, but I wasn’t. Just like I took extravagantly long showers to annoy Emmy, she called me Spaz just to agitate me.

“So, seriously, you know that you can call me or dad or Fleur any time if you need us, right?”

“I know,” I shrugged as I picked up one of my bags and slung it over my shoulder.

“Jude, I mean it,” she said. “If it feels like it’s going to be too much, call one of us, okay?”

I turned to look at her and nodded. “I know, Em. And I will, but I’m going to be fine,” I replied as I grabbed my purse off the back of the door.

Before Emmy could launch into the speech that I was sure was going to come, I headed back downstairs. I knew that Emmy meant well, but I didn’t need her to try to parent me. Since our mom’s death, Emmy seemed to have got it into her head that she needed to mother me. I appreciated that she cared about me so much, but I didn’t need her to try to fill my mother’s shoes. Fleur had never tried to do so, and if anyone was allowed to even make the attempt, it was our aunt Mia. She was always like my second mother, considering I’d spent more than half of my life at her house, but even she was careful not to cross the line.

After all of my things were packed into the trunk of the car and part of the backseat, it was time to say goodbye to Emmy. Dad and Fleur got into the car to give us some privacy, and Emmy pulled me into a hug. The embrace felt sort of awkward. My family was always loving, but my mom was the only one who was ever really big on hugs. I hugged Emmy back though and prayed that I wouldn’t start sobbing. She really would think that I was a baby if I didn’t even make it out of the driveway before the water works started.

“Listen, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to lecture you or ‘parent’ you as you always put it,” Emmy said, looking into my eyes so that I could see the sincerity of her words. “I just want you to know that I’m here. Or I could be there. I’ll be closer to you since it’s only an hour away, so don’t hesitate if you need anything. You can stay on the weekends whenever you want. Or I’ll bring you to my house and dad and Fleur can pick you up there if you want to come home.”

“Thanks, Em,” I smiled. “Really, I’ll be fine though, but if something comes up and I change my mind, I’ll be sure to call you.”

“Okay,” she nodded as she gave me another quick hug.

“You better get going or you’re going to be late for you meeting,” I commented.

“I know, I know,” she smiled. “I love you, Spaz.”

“I love you too, dork,” I smiled. “Give Lula and Tibby a kiss for me when you see them tonight, okay?”

“I will definitely do that,” she nodded. “Have fun.”

“I will,” I smiled as I slipped out of her embrace and climbed into the backseat of the car.

“Are we ready?” dad asked.

“As I’ll ever be,” I sighed.

The first part of the drive to Tulsa went smoothly. Although when we reached the outskirts of Roland, my hometown, I couldn’t help but feel a hint of apprehension. I’d never spent more than two weeks outside of Roland, and even then I was with a member of my family.

When I was ten, my mom sent me to summer camp for two weeks. I had flat out refused to go until my mom told me that Drea would be joining me. The thought of Drea caused my mood to grow to sadness. Part of me wished that I could have said goodbye to her before we left.

It was true that we had said our goodbyes the night before when she dropped me off after spending an evening at the bowling alley with her and Paul, but I already missed her presence. Her quirky and somewhat cynical personality always put a smile on my face.

I took my silver iPod out of my purse and placed the earphones in my ears as my dad started to talk to Fleur about something to do with work. Whenever he started talking about accounting, my mind seemed to go numb with boredom. I couldn’t understand my father’s enthusiasm for accounting, but that just showed how different we were. While he enjoyed the safety of routine and rules, I preferred the freedom of creativity. Emmy and I both seemed to be that way, and there was no doubt we inherited this trait from our mother.

As the sounds of Tegan and Sara filled my ears, I thought about the night before. Drea had insisted that we go out and do something together before I left. She had to work the day I was leaving for college, and since she was currently working at the mall, she didn’t have the liberty of taking off the day as she pleased like she did when she was working at the salon, so she decided that it would be our goodbye night.

I had spent the majority of my morning and afternoon doing all of my last minute packing with the help of Fleur. Drea was working until five, so she told me to be ready to go out by seven. However, a rarity occurred and Drea showed up at my house at six thirty- a whole thirty minutes early, which for her was an achievement in itself.

She then explained that we were going bowling. I loved bowling. My family and Drea’s used to go bowling every other weekend together. That had all stopped after Drea’s parents got divorced and my mom died, but bowling sounded like a perfect way to spend my last night in Roland.

The biggest surprise came when we reached the bowling alley and found Paul there. I had met Paul on my first day of middle school. I had been perfectly terrified of the whole experience, but Paul and I got seated side by side in homeroom and were friends ever since. He and Drea became fast friends as well, and all throughout middle school and the first two years of high school, we were known as the three musketeers. Although Emmy liked to call us the three stooges instead.

Paul and I were close until our junior year. We started to grow apart gradually. At first I didn’t even realize it was happening. I was more focused on school while Paul was more focused on which party he was going to attend. Then after months of being a party regular, he started using drugs on a regular basis. Between the parties, the booze and the other drugs, Paul was usually too out of it to even show up at school.

I tried to talk to him about it, but he didn’t want to hear it, so I just backed off and before long we seemed to become strangers in the hall. It hurt a lot at first because not only was Paul one of my best friends, he was also my first crush. Drea always said that we fell in the love the moment our eyes met on our first day of middle school. While I didn’t think that it had happened that quickly, it was true that he had had a place in my heart since the sixth grade.

After rarely speaking for months, Paul returned to school our senior year with a new attitude. He pulled me aside to talk and told me that he had finally taken my advice and sobered up and got himself together. He even started talking about college, which Drea hadn’t been overly thrilled about. She and Paul had always shared the same views on school, and hearing that her partner in crime might be “giving in to the ways of the world and going away to college” really rubbed her the wrong way.

Paul and I were on good terms throughout out senior year. Then in February, right after my seventeenth birthday, Paul asked me out on a date. I quickly agreed and it seemed as if things were really going my way. I’d been accepted into every college I applied at, my grades were good, and Paul and I were finally facing our feelings. However, my euphoria was short lived. The next month everything seemed to be turned upside down, and in my distress I pushed Paul away. He tried to stick it out for a while, but it was no use. I managed to build the walls up so far around myself it was hard for anyone to get it.

Paul remained a friend at a distance. We even went to prom together, but only as friends. Then after graduation he seemed to quit trying with me altogether. I’d only talked to him a handful of times over the summer, but it was always the same superficial type of conversations that began with ‘how have you been?’ and ended with ‘it was nice seeing you again.’

Somehow Drea had managed to get us back together for a little reunion, and I couldn’t deny that I was happy to see Paul again. We spent the evening bowling and talking about old times. We all seemed to agree that our favorite memory was from our freshmen year of high school at the fair when Paul got to throw a pie at Mr. McLaughlin, our least favorite teacher, and got him square in the face and managed to break his nose.

Mr. Laughlin had been so angry, but there wasn’t anything he could do. It was true that Paul had despised the man from the first day of high school, and it seemed that the feeling was mutual, but Paul hadn’t broke his nose on purpose. Most of the kids in our class couldn’t help but pat him on the back in the hallways between classes though. It seemed that breaking the old grump’s nose was almost as admirable as saving the world.

Drea, Paul, and I hung out at the bowling alley well into the night, and it wasn’t until they started closing up that we decided it was time for us to go. Paul and I shared an awkward goodbye, which consisted of a quick hug and a peck on the cheek as we promised to keep in touch. Then Drea and I headed back to my place.

When we reached the house, all of the lights were off except for the one of the front porch and my dad’s den, which meant he was waiting up for me even though I had assured him that it wasn’t necessary. Drea and I said our goodbyes at the car. We had agreed ahead of time not to act as if it were really a goodbye. After all, I was only going to be two hours of away, and she and I both figured that I would probably be home most weekends. Besides, I knew that Drea would keep in touch. We lived in the same town, and on average, she usually wound up calling me at least five times a day just to tell me something silly, and I didn’t expect that to change anytime soon.

For close to an hour, my dad drove without any sign of a problem. That is until we got off at our exit ramp and came face to face with road construction. I could hear my dad complaining, even over the sound of the music filtering through my iPod. My dad was usually a fair tempered man, but road construction seemed to be one of those things that really bothered him. I couldn’t say that I was thrilled by it, but I didn’t see any point in complaining about it. There was nothing we could do. I listened to Fleur try to calm my dad for a moment before I rolled my eyes and turned up the volume on my iPod.

Finally after about forty minutes of being stuck in traffic, it started to let up and in another fifty minutes, we were in Tulsa. As soon as I saw the “Welcome to Tulsa” sign, I felt my heart start to beat faster. I had been relatively calm about the whole thing all morning, and it seemed as if my anxiety was finally beginning to reveals its ugly head.

I looked around for signs saying anything about the University of Tulsa, but I didn’t see any right away, so I slumped down in my seat. I thought about my roommate. I didn’t know much about her. I had only talked to her through email a couple of times. All I knew was that her name was Shalee Reed, and she had grown up in Tulsa. She had explained that after she graduated from high school, her parents had sold their home and moved out of Tulsa to Oklahoma City, but she had decided to stick to her roots and attend college in her hometown.

She seemed nice enough, but it was hard to get the feel of a person from a few emails. I just hoped that we would get along. I had never really had to share a room with anyone - aside from when Emmy and I had to share a room when we went to our parents cabin by the lake. Even then, Emmy usually kicked me out of the room so she could talk on the phone.

Although I guess it wasn’t completely true that I’d never shared a room. There was of course my experience at camp when I was ten, which was something I’d been striving to forget ever since, and Drea and I practically lived together growing up, so in essence, I knew I was capable of sharing a room. I just wasn’t sure how well it would work out with someone I didn’t really know.

When we reached the University of Tulsa, I could tell that it was going to be fun getting in to get all of our information. Somehow we managed to get through the crowds and then set out to find my dorm. I already knew that I was in Twin South, which was just down the road from the main campus.

We had the most trouble finding a parking spot and even when we did find one, it wasn’t particularly close, so dad, Fleur, and I had to carry bags my across the parking lot, which didn’t prove to be much fun, as all of my bags were packed to the fullest.

Once inside the building, we opted to take the stairs up to the second floor rather than waiting for the elevator. My room was located at the second to last door at the end of the hallway. My dad let me go inside first, and I was a little surprised to find half of the room already decorated, and a girl with extremely long blonde hair seated at the center of her bed with a patchwork quilt at the end of it, reading over what looked like the itinerary we had received when we checked in.

On her lap, she was holding what appeared to be a stuffed panda, which made me crack a smile. I had opted not to bring along any of my stuffed animals because I thought it might seem immature. After seeing her holding onto her stuffed panda though, I had a feeling that on my next visit back home, I would be returning with Mr. Cuddles, my most prized stuff animal of all. He was a stuffed bear that my grandma Ryland had given to be when I was about two. I used to sleep with him every night until I was twelve. He then gained a seat on top of my dresser and had lived there ever since. However, on occasion I still took him down and held onto him as I slept. I tried not to do that often though because he was nearly sixteen years old, and his age was showing. I’d already had to sew his right arm back on several times.

I shook my head and thought “snap out of it, Jude” as the girl on the bed looked up as the door creaked open the rest of way and my dad and Fleur stepped inside the room. She smiled and jumped up off of her bed, discarding her stuffed panda in the process. “Jude?” she asked with a smile.

I nodded. “Shalee?”

“Oh my god, you said my name right!” she grinned as she rushed over to me and hugged me. I stood there stiffly, feeling like I’d missed something. She seemed to notice the look of confusion on my face when she pulled away and laughed lightly. “Everyone usually calls me Shaylie or Shelly,” she explained.

“Oh,” I replied, nodding in realization.

My dad cleared his throat from behind me and realized that they were just standing there, clueless.

“Shalee, this is my dad and Fleur,” I introduced. “Dad, Fleur, this is my roommate Shalee.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” she smiled brightly.

“Likewise,” Fleur replied as dad simply nodded his head in acknowledgment.

“Those look heavy,” Shalee commented as she glanced at the bags we were all holding.

“They are,” dad replied. I stepped out of his way and he dropped my bags to the floor with a grunt.

“Was it really busy at the main office?” she asked as Fleur and I both sat down the bags we were holding in a significantly more graceful manner than my dad.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “We were in line for over an hour.”

“Ouch,” she said, making a face.

“How long have you been here?” I asked.

“Since nine,” she replied. “Can’t you tell?” she smiled, motioning toward her decorated half of the room. “I hope you don’t mind that I went ahead and decorated. I was so bored.”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t blame you,” I replied. “I’m just glad I made it here in time for orientation.”

Shalee glanced at her watch. “Geez, it’s going to start soon. Want to head to the main campus so we can get good seats?”

“Um …” I glanced over my shoulder at dad and Fleur as if to ask for their permission.

“Go ahead,” Fleur smiled. “I’ll start unpacking some of your stuff if you’d like,” she offered.

“Really? That would be great,” I smiled.

“No problem,” she smiled. “Your dad has that meeting anyway. I have nothing else to do.”

“Thanks, Fleur,” I smiled. “I’ll see you both later.”

“Be careful,” dad commented as I grabbed my purse and slung it on over my shoulder.

“I will,” I replied as I followed Shalee out of the room.

“So, Fleur’s your stepmom?” Shalee asked as we walked down the hallway toward the elevator.

“How’d you ever guess?” I nodded with a grin.

“Well, for a minute I thought maybe she was your sister, but then she said ‘your dad,’ so I just took a shot in the dark with this one,” she winked.

“Good call,” I replied as we reached the elevators. There were still quite a few people waiting around, but most of them were like Shalee and I and waiting to ride back down.

“You get along with her?”

“Yep,” I nodded.

“That’s cool,” she said. “Your dad seemed a little …”

“Quiet, anti-social, weird?” I offered.

“I was going to say quiet,” she replied. “But the other two seem to fit too.”

“Yeah, my dad’s nice. He’s just not really all that social. I’m kind of like him that way,” I commented.

Shalee shrugged. “So, it’s kind of weird actually talking to you in person after only a few emails,” she commented.

“Yeah,” I agreed.

“Am I as crazy as I came off in my emails?” Shalee asked.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged with a light laugh. “Maybe.”

“Damn. I thought was doing a decent job of acting normal for once,” she sighed dramatically as the elevator doors opened. A crowd of people stepped off with bags in their hands. Once they cleared the elevator, Shalee and I followed the others into the small space and headed down for the first floor.

Shalee clucked her tongue as the cart began to move, and I noticed a couple of guys around us staring at her. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. It was clear why they were staring. To put it plainly, she was beautiful. It didn’t take a genius to figure out. A person would have to be blind not to notice, but despite the fact that she was pretty, she didn’t come off as a snob in any way.

She seemed much taller than me, but in reality she was probably only a few inches taller. The only difference was that she stood up straight and held her head high while I usually slouched. My mom used to tease me and say that I was going to end up like the hunchback of Notre Dame if I didn’t start sitting up straight, but I’d never followed through on her advice. As far as I could tell, I had yet to begin to resemble Quasimodo, so I wasn’t overly concerned with breaking my hunching habit either.

I couldn’t help but envy her long hair. It was full and straight and nearly reached her waist. I had tried to grow my hair long once, but it always wound up looking stringy despite the fact that my hair was in good condition. My mom always just said that it just wasn’t meant for me to have long hair, so I always kept it to my shoulder or above. The fact that it currently reached below my shoulders was an accident. I hadn’t felt like bothering with getting it trimmed in a while, and it wasn’t looking stringy just yet, so I decided to leave it as it was.

Shalee was also significantly darker than me. She looked like someone who had spent a lot of time out in the sun. I’d never really been much for the outdoors despite the fact that summer was my favorite season. I had allergies and half the time just stepping out of the house was enough to warrant a sore throat, watery eyes, and a stuffy nose. Summer being my favorite season had more to do with the fact that I could spend my entire day in the house in front of the television rather than the weather outside. Even when I did venture outside for any extended amount of time, I practically had to bath in sunscreen because I burned so easily.

Once the elevator doors opened, we stepped off and followed the crowd out the doors. I watched as quite a few of the people headed for the bus stop, but Shalee just kept on walking.

“Um, Shalee, where are you going?” I asked quietly.

“To the main campus,” she replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Yeah, but everyone else is going over there to ride the bus,” I commented.

“I thought we could walk,” Shalee replied. “It’s not far.”

“Oh, okay,” I nodded.

“Would you prefer to ride the bus?” Shalee asked as she stopped walking.

“No, walking’s fine,” I smiled.

“Okay,” she smiled. “Tulsa weather is so great for walking. Luckily, the campus isn’t far either,” she added. “Have you ever been here before?”

“I came here for a tour of campus last year,” I replied. “And I’ve been to Mayfest a few times.”

“That’s cool,” Shalee smiled. “I’m supposed to meet Danny in the auditorium. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Danny?” I questioned.

“My boyfriend,” she smiled. “He goes here too. He’s a freshman like us.”

“Oh, yeah, sure that’s fine with me,” I smiled. “Which dorm does he live in?”

“He’s in Twin South too. His room is on the third floor though. He came to the main campus with his roommate,” Shalee explained. “He’s goofball, but I’m sure you’ll get along just fine.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re right,” I agreed. I didn’t mind letting Shalee do all of the talking. I just hoped that she didn’t find my quietness offensive. Drea always said that I was shy. I didn’t know that I really agreed with her on that. I was usually just quiet around people until I really got to know them.

“So, what kind of meeting did your dad have to go to?” Shalee asked curiously.

“Oh … I’m not sure,” I replied. “Something to do with work, I think.”

“Ah, boring stuff then,” she grinned.

I smiled weakly as we continued walking. I was glad that Shalee didn’t know me that well yet. Otherwise, she would have easily been able to tell that I was lying. I knew exactly what kind of meeting my dad had to go to. He was meeting with the dean of the school and the head of campus security. However, I didn’t feel like passing that information along to Shalee because I knew it would bring on a whole new batch of questions that I’d rather not answer.

When we reached the main campus, people were all over the place, but somehow Shalee was able to immediately spot her boyfriend right away. “Danny!” she shouted across the auditorium and a guy with short wavy brown hair turned around and smiled at her. He said something to the guys he was standing with before he headed our way. I took a moment to study him. His hair was so wavy that I was sure it would be curly if it were much longer. He wore a goofy grin as he approached us and his coffee brown eyes held a spark of mischief.

“Hey, Shal,” he said as he reached us. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her on the cheek. He was just a few inches taller than Shalee. He didn’t look quite as athletic as Shalee, but he had a medium build that seemed to suit him quite well.

“Danny, this is Jude, my roommate,” Shalee smiled. “Jude, this is dorky boyfriend, Danny.”

“Nice to meet you,” I said.

“The pleasure is all mine,” he said as he took my hand and bowed and kissed the top of my hand.

“Danny,” Shalee groaned, rolling her eyes as Danny let go of my hand and stood up. “Excuse him. He’s a complete nerd,” she said to me.

“I resent that,” Danny said.

“Resent it all you want. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s true,” she smirked.

Danny glanced at me and shrugged.

“Why don’t we find some seats?” Shalee suggested.

“Sounds like a plan,” Danny agreed. I followed them across the room to a row of empty seats and sat down at the end of the row. As we waited for orientation to begin, Shalee and Danny spoke amicably. I kept pretty quiet and smiled and nodded at the right times as I surveyed my surroundings.

There were so many people in the room. It kind of made me nervous. I’d never cared for crowds. I was always one of those people that wanted to just blend into the background. I liked it that way. I didn’t want to be noticed.

Once orientation started, it turned out to mostly be a big bore. Most of the people in the room were yawning after only thirty minutes. Another hour and a half later, most of them looked like they were sleeping with their eyes opened. I couldn’t say that they held my attention much better. The only thing I had really listened to was the part about campus security, but the rest of the time I had to fight to keep my eyes opened and tried not to let my mind wander too far away.

Afterwards, Danny, Shalee, and I agreed to head back to the dorms. When we got there, my dad and Fleur were waiting for us. Fleur had managed to make my bed and put some of my clothes in the dresser. My dad looked kind of anxious. It seemed like he just wanted to get out of there. I couldn’t say that I blamed him. There were so many people everywhere I turned. It was a little mind-boggling. I was beginning to wonder if maybe I was just as anti-social as him.

Danny and Shalee mentioned getting something to eat as we were all standing around awkwardly. My dad kept eyeing Danny suspiciously. I tried to get his attention and tell him to cut it out, but my dad seemed to be suspicious of all teenage guys. He had never really liked Paul and always seemed to be glaring at him when he came over to the house.

Harris, Emmy’s husband, seemed to be the only guy he ever approved of, which was weird considering the fact that Harris got Emmy pregnant before they were married. I’d always asked my dad what his problem with Paul was, and his answer was always “I don’t trust him.” I thought about telling my dad that he trusted Harris to knock up his first born, but I knew that was kind of harsh. Besides, I liked Harris, and a jab like that wasn’t worth it just to prove my point.

Upon the mention of food, Fleur suggested that she and my dad take us all out for dinner – their treat - before they headed back to Roland. I don’t know that my dad was too keen on the idea, but Shalee and Danny didn’t seem to notice, which I was grateful for. We wound up eating at the Olive Garden across town, and despite my dad’s anti-social mood, things seemed to go well. I was so grateful to Fleur for being so friendly and making the situation less awkward.

Afterwards, they drove us back to the campus and Shalee and Danny headed inside, after thanking my dad and Fleur for dinner, while I hung back to say goodbye. I knew this was partly what had my dad is such a mood. I knew Emmy and Fleur were right about my dad experiencing the empty nest syndrome, and it didn’t help that he had never been good with goodbyes.

“The dean and the head of security know about you and said that they’d keep a extra patrol car around your campus,” dad said as I gave him a quick hug.

“Okay,” I said.

“Just make sure you’re careful, okay?” he said.

“I will be,” I nodded.

“Okay, and if you want to come home for any reason, all you have to do is call,” he added.

“I know, dad,” I smiled. “I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“Okay, well, then have fun …” he said. “Just not too much,” he added.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. “I love you, dad,” I said.

“I love you too, Jude,” he replied. I could tell that saying goodbye was getting to him, so I gave him a light shove toward the driver’s seat of the car before I turned to Fleur.

“Thank you for helping unpack,” I commented. “And for being so … normal,” I said, glancing in my dad’s direction.

“He’s just upset about saying goodbye,” she smiled, obviously reading into my comment correctly. “And you’re welcome. And if you need anything - like anything from home – just let me know and I’ll make sure you get it.”

“Okay, thank you,” I said as I gave her a quick hug. “Take good care of dad, okay?”

“Of course,” she smiled.

We skipped saying the I love yous. I knew I loved Fleur and I knew she loved me, but even after she’d been married to my dad for close to three years, it was still something we weren’t used to saying to one another, so after another quick hug and goodbye, Fleur walked around to the passenger’s side of the car and climbed inside.

I watched as they drove away, waving, and took a deep breath. I watched their car disappear down the street before I looked around. There were people all around, going about their business. I felt like a tiny speck on the face of the earth, and for some reason that was a comfort. This was a new place, a new start for me. No one knew a thing about me, and they’d only know as much as I felt like telling them, and I liked it that way.