My first night in the dorms proved to be a difficult one for me. After returning to my room I hung out with Shalee and Danny a while before Danny headed back to his own room. Shalee then offered to help me unpack. Again I let her dominate the conversation, but we mostly just talked about music and what classes we were taking. It wasn’t until we both decided to go to bed late that night that I started to grow nervous.

I was used to always sleeping with some kind of light in the room, usually the light from the hallway at home and the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling at Drea’s house, but as Shalee and I climbed into our twin size beds and turned off the light on the table between our beds, my heart began to race with fear.

It wasn’t something I liked to admit, but I was afraid of the dark. I always had been, thus sleeping with my bedroom door open a crack at home and the stars on Drea’s ceiling. When I was little, I used to always cry when we had a storm that knocked out the electricity. I got better as I got older, but in recent months my fears seemed to return with a vengeance.

I didn’t want to tell Shalee though. It knew it was stupid to be afraid of the dark. I felt so childish, and I didn’t want Shalee to think that she got a baby for a roommate. However, as soon as she switched off the lamp, I saw a glowing light on the wall at the end of Shalee’s bed. It was a smiley face.

“What is that?” I asked as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I could see Shalee’s form on the other side of the bed. She seemed to be situating her blankets.

“It’s a glow in the dark poster,” she replied. “I hope you don’t mind. I can’t sleep without some of sort of light.”

“Really?” I asked with surprise.

“It’s stupid, I know,” she said.

“No, it’s not. I’m the same way,” I said quickly.

“Really?” I could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

“Really,” I confirmed.

“Thank god,” she sighed.

I let out my own sigh of relief as I slid under my covers and moved around until I was comfortable. I was thankful that Shalee wasn’t afraid to admit her fears. I could already see that we were going to get along well, and with that thought in mind I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning we had to attend another meeting at the main campus, and afterward, Shalee, Danny, and I walked to the campus bookstore to get our books. My dad had left me with a credit card to charge everything to, which seemed to amaze both Shalee and Danny, who were armed with blank checks from their parents to purchase their books.

When we returned to the dorms, I was a little surprised to find a couple of guys standing outside our door. The taller of the two guys had shaggy dark blond hair and was holding a cup with the Starbucks logo on it. He was tall and thin, a little too thin for my liking, but he had a gorgeous face. Drea would have loved to draw him. He had great bone structure. His hair fell across his forehead, framing his piercing, vivid blue eyes. He was wearing a plain white t-shirt with jeans and black boots, and he wore a number of necklaces, which all appeared to have crosses hanging from them. He smiled when he saw us walking toward them and nudged the other guy in the side.

The other guy turned and I could tell that he was a few inches shorter than the other one. He had brown hair that framed his face, nearly reaching his chin. I few strands of hair fell across his forehead nearly covering his eyes – in the same fashion as the other guy, but even through the fringe, I could see that his eyes were blue. Not the same vivid color as the other guy, but dark and somewhat mysterious. He was tanned and more muscular than the other guy. He was wearing a black shirt with sleeves that only came down to his elbows and there was some emblem on his shirt, but I couldn’t decipher what it was. He was wearing a pair of faded jeans with holes at the knees and old pair of black chucks.

He smirked at Danny and Shalee, and I knew right away that he had to be related to Shalee in some way because I’d seen her make the same exact face earlier in the day.

“What are you doing here?” Shalee asked, making a face as we approached them.

“I was just dropping by to see my dear, sweet sister,” he grinned. “But then I realized that I don’t have one, so I figured I might as well see the obnoxious, bratty one that I got stuck with instead.”

Shalee rolled her eyes and the other guy and Danny both looked amused. “It’s great to see you too, Trey,” she commented before turning to the other guy. “How’s it going, Tay?”

“Pretty good,” he replied. “You?”

“Adjusting to college life,” she shrugged.

I just stood off to the side, feeling somewhat in the way because I hadn’t yet been introduced, and I didn’t know what to say as Danny joined in on the hellos. Shalee seemed to realize my discomfort, and she grabbed me by the elbow and pulled me over to her side. “Jude, this is my brother, Trey. He’s a complete moron, and you should never listen to anything he says,” Shalee grinned. “And this is his best friend, Taylor,” she introduced. “Guys, this is my roommate, Jude.”

After saying our hellos, Shalee unlocked our door and we all went inside. Trey fell down on top of Shalee’s bed as Danny dropped his books to the floor and pulled out the chair at my desk and sat down. I sat my books down on the floor by my bed and sat down on my bed as Shalee threw her books on her bed, narrowly missing her brother in the process as Taylor slid into the chair at Shalee’s desk.

“Gee, Trey, make yourself at home,” Shalee said, rolling her eyes as her brother sprawled out across her bed.

He smiled lazily and shrugged. “Your dorm is bigger than mine was,” he commented. “That’s not fair.”

“Yeah, it is. You suck, and I don’t,” she grinned.

“That’s not what Danny tells me,” Trey snorted, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Taylor’s jaw seemed to drop and Danny looked embarrassed and Shalee simply scoffed.

“You cannot be serious,” she said. “Is that the best you’ve got?”

Shalee fell down on the bed beside me and glanced at me and smiled.

“So, seriously, what are you doing here?” Shalee asked, turning back to her brother. “You’re annoying Jude, and I don’t want a disgruntled roommate.”

“He’s not bothering me,” I said quickly. “I don’t mind!”

Shalee laughed. “Jude, I’m just messing with you,” she said, slapping my arm playfully.

“Anyway, Trey?” she said, looking at her brother expectantly.

“Seriously, Taylor and I were nearby, so we thought we’d stop by and see you,” Trey shrugged.

“And Nat and I are having a barbeque tomorrow, so I thought I’d stop in to invite you,” Taylor commented. I glanced in his direction and couldn’t help but think that something about him seemed familiar. I couldn’t figure out what it was though, so I didn’t say anything. “You’re more than welcome to come too, Jude,” he offered, looking at me with a smile.

“Oh, thanks,” I smiled. “I wouldn’t want to … be like a party crasher or something though,” I added.

Taylor shrugged. “It’s cool,” he said. “It’s nothing big. Just a casual thing.”

“Yeah, you have to come, Jude,” Shalee said. “It will be fun, and your life will not be complete until you’ve attended a Hanson barbeque,” she winked before she turned to Taylor. “Is your mom coming? And will she be cooking?”

Taylor rolled his eyes. “No, she’s not coming,” he replied.

“Damn,” Shalee said.

“You’re just friends with me, Ike, and Zac for our mom’s food, aren’t you?” Taylor asked accusingly.

"Um, like, duh..." Shalee laughed.

Taylor scoffed and shrugged. “Anyway, the barbeque starts at noon,” he said.

“Well, we shall be there,” Shalee nodded.

Trey and Taylor hung around for a while longer before Trey decided that mine and Shalee’s dorm was too girly and he needed to get out of it. He then asked to see Danny’s dorm, so the three guys headed for the door, leaving Shalee and I alone.

“Sorry my brother’s so obnoxious,” she said as she climbed off of my bed and walked over to her own and collected her scattered books.

“He wasn’t so bad,” I shrugged.

“I guess you’re right,” she smiled. “He’s just a goofball. I guess he’s alright though … for a brother, I mean.”

I smiled softly as I kicked off my shoes and stretched out across the bed on my side.

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” Shalee asked, glancing at me over her shoulder.

“I have an older sister named Emmy,” I replied.

“Cool, I just have two older brothers,” Shalee said. “But with the Hansons, I have a boatload of surrogate sibs.”

“Taylor looked familiar for some reason,” I commented offhandedly. “I can’t point it out, but I’m sure I’ve never met him before though … so … I don’t know why he looks so familiar.”

“I was wondering if you’d recognize him,” Shalee grinned.

“Why would you wonder that?” I asked, feeling confused.

She grinned widely and walked over to the stack of CDs she had sitting on her desk and dug through it as she started singing, “Mmmbop, ba duba bop, ba du bop, ba duba dop, ba du bop, ba duba dop, ba du.”

I stared blankly at her back, trying to figure out why the hell she was singing Mmmbop for a moment before she turned around and walked over to me with a CD case in hand. She handed it over to me and I stared at the orange and yellow cover for a moment before I realized why I recognized Taylor.

He and his two brothers, if I recalled correctly, had been a big hit a few years earlier with their song “mmmbop.” Emmy had been a fan for a short time before she grew sick of the song and moved onto something new. At the time I was about nine and still in the phase where I wanted to be just like my sister, so as soon as the Hanson craze died for her, it did for me too.

“I feel like such an idiot,” I laughed. “That’s where I recognized him from. Here I was, meeting a celebrity and completely oblivious.”

“Well, I like obliviousness better than teenies,” she said. “I was scared for a while that I might end up with a roommate that was a Hanson fan who moved to Tulsa to go to college in hopes of meeting the guys.”

“Do people really do that?” I asked.

“Probably,” she shrugged. “Hanson fans are insane.”

I laughed at the look of seriousness upon her face. “How long have you known them?” I asked curiously.

“All my life,” she replied. “Our parents were friends in college. Zac and I have been best friends since we were in diapers. Our families are really close.”

“That’s cool,” I smiled.

“Yeah, you’ll probably meet some more Hansons tomorrow,” Shalee commented. “Although I think Zac’s still out of town, so you’ll have to meet his dumbass later.”

“Okay,” I laughed. “I’ll be looking forward to that.”

“How’s my little Amie doing today?”

The sound of my mother’s voice was as clear as day. I spun around to see her smiling at me, waiting for my answer.

I opened my mouth to ask her what was going on and where we were, but the words wouldn’t come out. Instead I heard a child’s voice, my voice when I was young, say from behind me, “Fine, mommy. I made you a picture.”

I turned and looked behind me, and my eyes grew wide as I saw myself as a child, holding a picture out in front of me for my mom to take and look at.

‘Where am I?’ I wondered. I figured I must have been dreaming. I knew this couldn’t be real. I walked up to my mom. She was just as beautiful as I remembered her. Her long dark hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, and her eyes danced with joy as she took the picture from my younger self.

“It’s beautiful,” she said. “You are so talented. You know that?”

I looked at my younger self, blushing wildly with happiness. My mom could always make me feel that way. It was a like a swarm of butterflies swelling up in my chest, tickling me from the inside, causing my face to flush and a smile of pure joy to appear on my face.

I watched my mom, admiring her youthful beauty. I missed her so much. I longed to wrap my arms around her and bury my head into her neck, as I had when I was young. As these thoughts entered my mind, I lifted my hand to reach out to her, to touch her. She looked so real, but as soon as my hand reached her, everything around me faded away.

I sat up in my bed, shaking my head in confusion. My mind still felt foggy from sleep. I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes before looking around the room. My heart seemed to stop beating.

I shook my head. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It couldn't possibly. There was absolutely no way. But what if it was?

It was my mom, seemingly in the flesh, seated at the end of my bed, staring straight at me. “Mom?” I whispered.

“I love you, Amie,” she said, her eyes boring into mine.

“I love you, too,” I replied. “I miss you so much.”

I started to move toward her again, but instead of touching warm skin when I reached out to her, I felt nothing but air filter through my fingers. I nearly toppled off the end of the bed, but I managed to catch myself before I fell. I shook my head and looked around in confusion for a moment as I rubbed my eyes. I realized that I was crying. I quickly wiped away the tears in confusion.

Was I still dreaming? It had seemed so real. I heard Shalee mumble in her sleep from the other side of the room as I climbed back into bed. I glanced at my clock and everything suddenly seemed to make sense. It was after midnight so that meant that it was officially September seventeenth. It was the fifth anniversary of my mother’s death.

I felt like banging my head against the wall for not realizing it sooner. I curled up in my bed and thought about my mom. It was hard to believe that she had been gone for five years. As each year passed, the pain of missing her never seemed to fade. I could easily curb it by remembering the good times we had together, but as the anniversary drew near, it always hurt the most.

I could still remember how I felt when I found at the she had cancer. I was only eleven at the time. My dad picked me up from school that day, which confused me because Drea and I usually walked to the salon after school to meet our moms, but from the look on his face, I could tell something was wrong.

When we got home, Emmy was there waiting with mom. That was when my worries were confirmed. Mom and dad sat us down and went on to tell us that the last time mom had gone to the doctor, he had found a lump on her breast. They hadn’t told either of us about it because they didn’t want us to worry, so mom had gone for a biopsy without us knowing. Unfortunately, their hopes that there was nothing to worry about turned out to be wrong.

It was cancer. But that wasn’t the worse part. The cancer had spread throughout her body. The doctors had decided to fight it aggressively in hopes of stopping it from spreading any further, but that did little to ease the pain and worry.

That night was the first of many bad nights for our family. The chemotherapy didn’t help stop the cancer from spreading. The doctors wanted to keep trying, but after a couple of months, my mom decided that she didn’t want to take treatment anymore. She said that she’d rather spend her time with her family, enjoying the time we had left together instead of in a hospital room.

Mom was okay for a few months. She had a small bout of depression and she spent a lot of time in bed crying, but after a few short weeks of coping with her feelings, she seemed to okay, though she was somewhat subdued from her normal mood of cheerfulness.

However, as she was coming out of her depression, our family received what turned out to be some very good news. Emmy found out she was pregnant. Mom was especially happy when she found out. Even though Emmy was feeling a little overwhelmed by the news, we couldn’t help but think that maybe her pregnancy was a blessing in disguise. Mom busied herself with planning Emmy’s wedding and shopping for her first grandchild. It was good to see her in such high spirits again.

She was always a very happy, positive person, but the cancer really brought her down for a while, so it came as a relief to the rest of the family when we saw her acting like her old self once again. The wedding and baby seemed to make her forget about the cancer.

The doctors had said she only had about six months to live after she stopped taking treatments, but mom managed to prove the doctor’s wrong. Though she was clearly sick by the time a year passed since she’d been diagnosed, mom was still going strong and in good spirits.

When my niece was born a couple of weeks after the one year anniversary of mom’s diagnosis, I’d never seen her so happy. Emmy and Harris named the baby Penelope Tallulah. Penelope was, of course, after mom. It seemed to be tradition in our family to name the girls after their grandma. Emmy and I were both named after our grandmothers. Mom thought it would be best to call the baby by her middle though to avoid any confusion with names, so from the night she was born, she was known to all of us as Lula.

We spent that summer, our last summer as a whole family, at the cabin by the lake. Mom was very weak at that point though. She spent a lot of time in bed or napping on the couch. On a good day, she’d come out and sit on the back porch and watch the people on the lake. I usually sat with her. We’d talk about all kinds of things.

Even though I was only twelve then, my mom didn’t treat me like a child. She said that there was no point in trying to shield me from the real world. That was her way of telling me that she knew she was going to die, but instead of dwelling on it, we cherished our talks on the porch as we sipped on a glass of fresh sun tea.

When August came, we had to return to the house because I had to go back to school and Emmy was returning to college. Mom held on for another month before she passed away in her sleep. I cried for weeks afterward, longing to be buried under the earth with her. Emmy and Mia were around the house constantly for months after mom died. I think Emmy just wanted to be close to mom, and being in the house where she raised us was the only way she knew how to do that. And I think Mia just wanted to make sure that I was okay.

Dad was so consumed with grief that he threw himself into work and stayed away from home as much as possible. Even though I would have liked for him to be there with me instead, I couldn’t blame him. I knew it was hard for him come home and be reminded that his wife was never coming back.

As the months passed, we fell into a fairly comfortable routine. Once dad made it through the deepest part of the grieving process, he started to come home earlier. Since it was just me and him, we’d have dinner together and watch old reruns of The Andy Griffith Show together. Emmy and Mia still came around, and Drea even started coming over to the house as often as she used to. It seemed that we had all moved on with our lives, but we hadn’t forgotten mom by any means. Holidays and birthdays were still hard though – especially the first year, but we managed to survive.

As much as I admired Emmy, I admired mom twice as much. She was my hero. She was everything I ever wanted to be. She was strong, loving, and independent. Emmy had obviously taken after her.

In my eyes mom was the most beautiful woman in the world. Everyone who ever met her said that she had a way of making him or her feel like they were special and important. She always told me that I could be anything I wanted to be. She always encouraged me to be more independent. She said she didn’t want to because I was her baby, but no matter how independent I was, I’d always be her baby.

When I was little, she always called me little Amie. Amie came from my middle name, Amethyst. In full my name was Judith Amethyst Skye Ryland. Mom had wanted to just name me Amethyst Skye, but dad thought it was too weird, so they had settled for giving me my grandmother’s name as a first name. While everyone else called me Jude, mom called me Amie. Sometimes she called me Skye or Amie Skye, but she was the only one.

I laid there thinking about my mom for a while longer before I managed to drift back to sleep. And when I woke up next it was light out and Shalee was just coming back into the room. She’d apparently just taken a shower because her long hair was wet and tangled.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” she smiled.

“Morning,” I mumbled as I glanced at the clock and realized that it was almost eleven, which meant that I only had an hour to get ready for the barbeque.

“I was going to wake you, but I didn’t know if you were a fighter, so I decided not to,” Shalee commented.

“Probably a wise choice,” I smiled as I climbed out of bed and started to find something to wear. “I’m going to go take a quick shower,” I said.

“Okay,” Shalee nodded.

I gathered my things and hurried out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom. Luckily, the showers were opened. I figured either everyone else was already up and had taken their showers or they were sleeping late, like I usually did on a Saturday morning.

After a quick shower, I dressed and hurried back to my room. Shalee was sitting on her bed looking through a magazine when I entered. “Your sister called,” she commented as I ran a brush through my hair. I glanced at the clock and knew I didn’t have time to blow it dry or straighten it, so I pulled it back in a low ponytail. “And you’re supposed to call her back,” Shalee added.

“Okay, thanks,” I smiled as I quickly applied some make-up. I usually didn’t wear much make-up, but concealer and eyeliner were necessities. I decided to apply a light layer of gloss to my lips because they looked dry and chapped. I needed some more chapstick, another necessity, but I knew didn’t have time to fuss over it right then, so gloss would have to do for the time being.

I hated my lips. I always had. Mom always said they were my most distinguishing feature and most girls would kill for lips like mine, but I thought they were too big. I always kidded with Drea, saying that I was going to get lipo on my lips and get the fat inserted into my chest because I thought my breasts were too small.

After I finished with my make-up and pulled on a pair of white socks, the only color of socks I would wear, and tugged on my red chucks, which matched my light grey t-shirt that said Death Cab for Cutie in red, I grabbed my cell phone off of the night stand. It said I had one missed call, which I figured was from Emmy, and she had probably called the dorm when I didn’t answer my cell.

I pressed number two and waited for it to say calling Emmy on the small screen before I brought the phone up to my ear. As I listened to it ring, I walked over to my dresser and dug around inside the third drawer for a moment before I found my grey zip up hoodie with the Batman logo across the chest. I didn’t think I’d need it at the barbeque, but I had no idea how long we’d be gone, and I thought it might be a good idea to bring it just in case.

I threw it down on the bed as Emmy answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey, Em,” I said as I dug the toe of my shoe into the carpet. I glanced over at Shalee. She was looking her magazine again.

“Hey, Jude,” she said. “How’s it going?”

“Alright,” I replied. I could tell by her quiet tone that she must have been thinking about mom as well. “Have you talked to dad?” I asked.

“Yeah, him and Fleur went and put fresh flowers on mom’s grave this morning,” Emmy replied. “He didn’t really say too much though. You know how dad gets.”

“Yeah, I know,” I nodded as there was a knock at the door. Shalee hopped up off of her bed and answered the door. It was Danny. She let him in, but made a shushing noise when he started to speak.

I smiled and waved at him as Emmy said, “I just wanted to call and see how you were doing today.”

“Eh, you know how it is,” I sighed. “But I’m going to a barbeque today.”

“Really? Where at?” she asked.

“With my roommate and her boyfriend,” I replied, glancing at Shalee and Danny. I quickly looked away though as Danny leaned down to kiss Shalee on the lips. “Some friends of hers are having it,” I continued, staring at my desk while ignoring their displays of affections.

“Well, that’s cool,” Emmy said. “I’m glad you’re making friends.”

“Yeah, me too,” I said as I checked my watch. “Listen, I better let you go because Shalee and Danny are waiting on me.”

“Okay, have fun,” Emmy said.

“Thanks, I’ll talk to you later,” I said.

“Love ya, Spaz,” she said.

I rolled my eyes at the mention of my nickname. “Love you too, Em,” I said before I hung up the phone and turned to Danny and Shalee.

“Everything okay?” Shalee asked.

“Yeah,” I smiled.

“Are we ready to go then?” Danny asked.

“Yep,” I nodded, grabbing my hoodie and purse off of my bed.

We took Danny’s car over to Taylor’s house. He and Shalee both had their cars with them on campus, and I envied them. My dad had flat out refused to let me bring my car with me, saying that I didn’t need to take a brand new car with me somewhere it would probably end up getting stolen or wrecked.

Sometimes I couldn’t understand my dad’s paranoia, but I knew he was just doing what he thought was best for me. After all, I was the baby. Everyone seemed to think that they had to protect me or I’d break. That was the one thing I really hated about being the youngest child. Dad was always the more protective one though. Mom wanted me to be independent while dad seemed to want me to stay little forever.

It didn’t take long to get to Taylor and Natalie’s place. The night before Shalee had explained that Natalie, or Nat as most of them called her, was Taylor’s wife, and they had two kids, Ezra, who was almost three, and Ellie, who was five months old. When we reached the house, I couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. Taylor had invited me, but it still felt kind of weird since I didn’t really know anyone except for Shalee and Danny, and I’d only known them for a grand total of two days.

There were a few cars in the driveway, and once Danny parked, we all got out of the car and walked up the driveway to the front door. Shalee didn’t bother to knock. Instead she stepped right in and Danny and I followed. She walked down a short hallway, past what appeared to be the living room and into the kitchen. In there we found Taylor and a girl who was a head shorter than him with dark long hair, who was holding a baby dressed in pink.

“Hey guys,” Shalee smiled as she rushed over to the baby, who I assumed was Ellie, as the girl and Taylor said hello.

“Can I hold her, Nat?” Shalee asked as she reached out for her.

“Of course,” Nat smiled, handing the baby over to Shalee. I watched as Shalee held the baby in her arms and cooed and talked baby talk to her. I couldn’t help but smile. I’d done the same with my own nieces on numerous occasions.

“Oh, Nat,” Taylor said, glancing in my direction before turning to his wife. “This is Jude, Shalee’s roommate,” he introduced. “Jude, this is my wife, Natalie. And the baby is Penelope,” he said.

I smiled. “It’s nice to meet you,” I said to Natalie who smiled in kind and nodded as Shalee walked over to me so that I could see the baby. She had prettiest red hair and her father’s eyes. “It’s nice to meet you too,” I said, smiling at the baby and I lifted my hand up and let her wrap her hand around my pointer finger. “So her name is Penelope?” I asked, glancing from Shalee to Taylor and then Natalie. “I’m guessing Ellie’s a nickname then?”

“Yeah, but one of the many. Shalee insists on calling her Ellie,” Natalie laughed. “We call her Penny and Princess Penelope too.”

“That poor kid is going to be so confused about her name,” Danny commented as what appeared to be the back door in the kitchen swung open and a tall girl with dark blond hair entered, holding a redheaded boy. I knew without a doubt he had to be Ezra, Natalie and Taylor’s other child. He and Ellie looked just alike.

“Hey, Avery,” Shalee said as the girl handed Ezra over to Taylor. I was then introduced to Avery, one of Taylor’s sisters. Without them telling me, I would have been able to guess because she looked a lot like her older brother, but she seemed to be quiet and after the introductions were over, she slipped back out the door.

“So, when do we eat?” Danny asked.

Shalee rolled her eyes and Taylor laughed. “I don’t know. I left Trey in charge of the grill,” he replied.

“Then you better go check. He’s known to burn the food,” Shalee commented as she bounced Ellie lightly around on her hip.

Taylor sighed as he balanced Ezra on his hip and he and Danny headed out the back door as Natalie walked over to the refrigerator and started to take some things out.

“So, are you from around here, Jude?” she asked.

“I’m from Roland. It’s about two hours from here,” I answered.

“That’s cool,” she said. “Are you homesick yet?”

I smiled. “Not quite,” I replied.

“What’s that’s good,” she said. “I was so homesick after I moved to Tulsa.”

“Really? You’re not from around here?” I asked.

Natalie looked at Shalee and grinned. “She’s obviously not a fan, huh?”

“No, she recognized Taylor, but she didn’t know where from until I told her,” Shalee laughed. I looked between the two and felt like I’d missed something.

“I’m from Georgia,” Natalie finally answered.

“Well, I can see why you’d be homesick then,” I commented.

“Yeah, it was a pretty big adjustment, but Tulsa’s home now,” she smiled.

Shalee and I hung out in the kitchen for a while until Taylor stuck his head in and said the food on the grill was done. I helped Natalie carried some of the food in the kitchen outside to the table they had set up while Shalee held onto Ellie.

There were only a few other people there. Besides Avery and Trey, Taylor’s other sister, Jessica, and Shalee and Trey’s other brother, Preston, and his friend and roommate, Phil, were there as well. The guys made a beeline to the food while Shalee, Natalie, and I hung back. Then Natalie got Ezra’s food for him and set him at the end of the table in his high chair by Taylor.

After everyone had his or her food, we sat around talking as we ate. Danny, who was seated across from me at the table kept making insinuations to me that Preston and Phil were more than friends. Shalee kept shooting him dirty looks and telling him to shut up, and I was just thankful that Preston and Phil were seated at the other picnic table and couldn’t hear. Although after Danny’s hints, I couldn’t help but watch and wonder if his suspicions held some truth. However, Shalee seemed annoyed by Danny mentioning it, so I decided to keep my opinions to myself.

As we were finishing up eating, Jessica and Avery mentioned renting some movies the previous evening, which launched a whole conversation on the subject of good movie rentals, and before long Trey and Danny were quoting their favorite movies.

“Have you seen Napoleon Dynamite?” Danny asked. “That is like the best movie ever.”

“Danny, that movie was stupid,” Shalee said. I couldn’t help but agree with Shalee, but when Danny and Trey launched into quoting the movie, I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Hey, Dan, what’s a liger?” Trey asked.

“It's quite possibly my favorite animal. It's a lion and tiger mixed, bred for its skills in magic,” Danny quoted, doing an amazing imitation of Napoleon Dynamite, which caused everyone to burst into a fit of laughter.

We all pitched in to clean things up and then we all headed inside. It was still rather warm out, but the bugs were starting to come out. Natalie didn’t want the kids to get bit and neither did any of the adults, so we all wound up hanging around Taylor and Natalie’s living room.

I surprised by what a pleasant time I was having. I had expected it to be uncomfortable and figured I’d want to go back to the dorms right away, but time just seemed to fly by. Everyone was so nice and normal. I couldn’t help but start to enjoy myself. As Shalee and Trey launched into another one of their silly, yet somewhat vulgar arguments, I excused myself to use the restroom. Taylor pointed down the hallway and I made my way down the hallway.

After using the restroom, I stepped back out into the other hallway and noticed the pictures on the wall. Most of them were of Natalie, Taylor, and the kids, but there were a few with the other siblings that I had met. I also figured that Isaac and Zac, the other two members of Hanson, were in the pictures. I tried to spot them, but I’d only seen the picture of them from the cover of their first CD, so I couldn’t be certain if I’d guess right or not.

As I was looking at the pictures, I seemed to have ventured farther down the hallway, and before long I was standing before an open door. I glanced inside and saw Natalie in the corner, changing Ellie’s diaper. She glanced over her shoulder, apparently sensing my presence and smiled.

“Did you get lost?” she smiled. “The house isn’t that big.”

I laughed. “No, I was looking at the pictures,” I replied as Natalie scooped up Ellie and walked over to me. “I was trying to figure out which ones were Isaac and Zac,” I explained as she stepped out into the hallway with me.

“And why is that?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Because I don’t want to feel like a complete idiot and totally miss it if or when I meet them,” I replied.

“You really didn’t know who Taylor was?” she asked.

I shook my head and Natalie smiled. “Well, I’ll help you out then,” she said. She then went on to point out each of the Hanson siblings, the younger ones who I hadn’t met, included. After we were finished looking at the pictures, Natalie and I headed back into the living room just as Preston and Phil were leaving.

Shalee, Danny, and I stayed for another hour or so before we decided to head back to the dorm. Natalie and Taylor both told me not to be a stranger as we left, and I couldn’t help but smile. It was nice to actually know people. I wouldn’t have necessarily called any of them friends just yet, but they were all quite nice and made me feel welcome, which helped ease some of the stress and anxiety I had acquired in the weeks leading up to the move to the dorms.

On the way back though, Shalee called Danny out on his comments about Preston, which turned into a somewhat heated argument. Luckily, I still had my iPod in my purse, so I slipped on my headphones and listened to some music so that I wouldn’t have to listen to them argue. They didn’t seem phased by arguing in front of me though. I didn’t know if that should worry me or make me feel accepted.

By the time we reached the dorms, I was tired and ready to crash, but Danny and Shalee were still arguing, so I decided to go for a walk. I walked around the campus for a while. There were a few other people out walking as well. I walked down the to the convenience store down the road and bought some chapstick before I stepped back outside.

I spotted a few people jogging and for a nanosecond I considered taking up jogging as a way of keeping in shape, but then I talked myself out of it. After all, my legs were too short and when I ran, I seemed to turn into a complete klutz. I didn’t think that falling down all around campus would make a good impression on anyone. I knew it certainly wouldn’t help in my quest to fit in, so I just decided that if I wanted to get some exercise, I’d just walk.

As I was deciding this, my cell phone started to ring. I pulled my headphones out of my ears and dug my phone out of my purse. I read the screen and saw that it was my dad. I quickly answered.

“Hey, sweetie,” dad said. “What are you doing?”

“I was just taking a walk,” I replied.

“By yourself?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I answered.

“Jude, I don’t know if you should be doing that,” dad began.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Dad, it’s fine. There are people all around.”

“Even so, I don’t know if it’s a good idea,” he said.

“Fine, I’ll head back to the dorm,” I replied as I turned on the heel of my foot and started back toward the dorm.

“So, what did you do today?” dad asked.

“I went to a barbeque with Shalee and Danny,” I answered.

“Oh? How was that?” he asked.

“It was fun,” I replied.

“Well, that’s good,” he commented.

“Yeah, I heard you and Fleur put flowers on mom’s grave,” I said. I had a feeling that that was why he was calling - to make sure I hadn’t forgot what today was. As if I could forget if I tried.

“Yeah,” he answered. “We got some daisies to put on it,” he said. “Those were her favorite, you know.”

“I know,” I smiled as I reached the front door of my building. “Well, I’m back at the dorm now. Are you happy?”

“Yes, I am,” he replied. I could tell that he was smiling. “And I guess I’ll let you go.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later,” I said.

After we got off the phone, I checked and saw that I had two missed calls – one from Drea and one from Paul. I knew they must have called while I was at the barbeque. I had left my purse out in Danny’s car.

As I went inside and took the elevator up to my floor, I decided that I’d call Drea and Paul back later. I was hoping that Shalee and Danny were done arguing because I was tired and ready to go to bed.

When I reached the room, Shalee was laying on her bed in her pajamas, staring up at the ceiling. She looked at me as I shut the door and walked over to my bed. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“For what?” I asked as I sat down and pulled my shoes off.

“For fighting with Danny in front of you. That was rude of me,” she said. “I’m so used to fighting with him like that in front of people, I didn’t stop to think that it might bother you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I shrugged.

“You’re not mad at me?” she asked.

“No, not at all,” I replied. “Are things okay with you and Danny now?”

“Yeah,” she sighed, rolling her eyes. “I hate when says that crap about Preston though.”

I waited for her to elaborate, but she didn’t say anything else, so I shrugged it off. “Hey, why’d you ask your sister about your dad today when you were talking to her?” Shalee asked after a brief silence as I was looking for some pajamas.

I was surprised by her question, but I turned to look at her and saw the look of curiosity upon her face. I didn’t know how to answer at first. Should I tell her about my mom? It wasn’t as if it were a secret. It just wasn’t something I really talked about.

Shalee seemed to sense my uncertainty and quickly apologized. “I didn’t mean to pry. I was just wondering if something was wrong and maybe you didn’t want to say anything to me in front of Danny,” she added.

“No, it’s okay,” I smiled. “My dad’s fine. Today was kind of a … hard day for my family.” Shalee looked genuinely concerned and as if she were waiting for me to explain. “My mom died five years ago today,” I finally said.

“Oh,” Shalee frowned. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?” she asked. “I had no idea.”

“How could you? I didn’t say anything,” I smiled. “And I’m fine, really. Going to the barbeque and having a good time made things easier. Thanks for taking me along,” I said. “Natalie and Taylor seemed really nice.”

“They are. And it was no problem,” Shalee smiled. “I wish you would have told me about your mom earlier though. After all, we’re roommates. We’re buddies. We’re stuck together like glue now, you know?”

I couldn’t help but smile at her words. She was right - we had to stick together, and in agreeing, so began our friendship.