The rest of my days at home were relatively boring. Dad and Fleur did buy me a pen tablet though, which pretty much made my life. I had seen pen tablets before, and I thought they looked cool, and as it turned out it was perfect for drawing logos for shirts. Instead of drawing sketches in a notebook, I could draw them with my tablet and transfer them directly over to my computer later. I spent some time messing around with that, but I was feeling too lazy to do anything too extravagant.

Emmy gave me a couple of new outfits for Christmas, and Lula gave me a homemade Christmas ornament, and I put it at the front of the tree so that everyone could see, which made Lula beam with pride. Harris designed a tattoo specifically for me, and he told me that after I turned eighteen, I could come to the shop, and he would do it for me free of charge. Of course he told me this when no one else was around, which was probably for the best because dad and Emmy probably would have threw a huge fit over it.

Fleur’s parents sent me a gift card, which I was thankful for because I dreaded thinking about what I could have wound up with otherwise. The previous Christmas they had sent me a hideous cardigan. Fleur shrugged it off and said that it was obvious she didn’t get her keen sense of fashion from her mother to which we all laughed. I got gift cards from all of my parents’ siblings, so I was definitely rolling in the dough, but I had a feeling I wouldn’t get around to shopping until I got back to the dorms and talked Shalee into going with me.

Grandma Ryland gave me a necklace with an amethyst pendant that resembled the one I had lost when I was attacked. The police had found items belonging to Earl Hagley’s other victims, but my necklace wasn’t among them. I had been pretty upset about it for a while because my Grandma Thora – the one Emmy was named after – had given it to me for my fourteenth birthday. She died just a few months later, so the necklace was my way of remembering her. Emmy had assured me that it would be okay because I didn’t need a necklace to remember her. I knew it was true, but it was the principle of the matter. As soon as I saw the necklace, I rushed over and gave Grandma Ryland a hug and thanked her repeatedly. I was grateful that at least one of my grandmas was living, and I vowed to visit with the one I had more often than I had been.

Aunt Mia gave me a beautiful butterfly broach, but I knew the moment I saw it that it belonged to my aunt. When Drea and I were younger, we used to snoop through Mia’s jewelry, and I remembered seeing that broach among her many possessions. I called her up and asked her about it the day after Christmas, and she explained to me that mom had given it to her for being her maid of honor. I tried to tell Mia that I couldn’t take it, but she insisted, saying that she had plenty of memories of mom to last five lifetimes. After arguing back and forth over it for a little while, I finally gave up and accepted the gift.

Drea also gave me a present, but I didn’t open it right away. I thought about just throwing it away at first because I really didn’t want anything from her, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead the gift sat on my desk unopened for a couple of days before my curiosity finally won me over and I ripped the wrapping paper away.

I was a little baffled when I found a dried rose in a picture frame. It took me a few minutes to register that behind the rose was a card from Paul’s funeral. Then I realized that that was where the rose came from as well. Taped to the back of the frame was a small note. At first I didn’t want to read it, but I decided that I might as well know why she would give me something like that.

Hey Jude,

You’re probably wondering why I gave you this as a present. Well, I made this for you after Paul died, but I didn’t get a chance to give it to you because … well … you hate me now. But I still wanted you to have it. I know how much you loved Paul, and I don’t want you to be angry with him. What we did was terrible, but please don’t let that anger change how you felt about Paul. I hope someday we will be able to get past this. I’m not asking for your forgiveness right now. I know I don’t deserve it, but I still love you, and I hope you’re doing well.

I folded Drea’s note back up and tucked it safely away in the drawer at my desk and stared at the framed rose for moment. It was so hard not to get angry when I thought about Paul. He was just as much to blame as Drea, but he had escaped feeling my anger towards him and left Drea to take all of the blame. I still wasn’t sure if his death had been an accident or suicide, but either way it made me feel so angry.

When he took those drugs, he knew that it was possible they could kill him, but he did it anyway. That was the selfish thing to do. He took the easy way out and left Drea to raise their child on her own. And he supposedly loved me so much, so how could he do this? How could he be so irresponsible and leave me and everyone else who loved him feeling sad and confused?

But as soon as the thoughts entered my head, I pushed them away. I didn’t feel like moping around thinking about it the rest of my vacation. I was determined to have a nice time while I was home, which meant I wasn’t going to worry about any of the drama, so instead I busied myself with other things.

I did stay true to my promise and listened to the Ben Kweller CD. It wasn’t as bad as Natalie had made it out to be, but I couldn’t say that it was my favorite type of music. And I did watch Tulsa, Tokyo, and the Middle of Nowhere and Road To Albertane as well, which had me in hysterics. My dad had walked past my room while I was watching them and popped his head in to make sure I wasn’t having a seizure. After assuring him that I was perfectly fine, he walked away shaking his head.

After three days of lazing around the house, I was starting to run out of things to do, so I spent the better part of a day in front of the computer doing useless stuff. Then as I was getting ready to log off, I got an instant message.

x layers of lies: Hey Jude!
xx underwater: Hey ... who is this?
x layers of lies: Your favorite roommate, silly!
xx underwater: Oh! Hey Shal! What’s up?
x layers of lies: Not a damn thing. What about you?
xx underwater: Same here. Bored off my rocker.
x layers of lies: Who knew spending two weeks at home would be so boring? Ick.
xx underwater: I thought it was going to be more exciting than this, but it's been a bit of a let down. I have been sleeping in though.
x layers of lies: Ah, yes. The joy of sleeping in. I savor those days.
xx underwater: Shalee, you sleep in every day ...
x layers of lies: Yeah, so?
xx underwater: *rolls eyes* You're crazy.
x layers of lies: Are you just now realizing this?
xx underwater: No, I knew all along.
xx underwater: lol
x layers of lies: Brat. :p
x layers of lies: So how was your Christmas?
xx underwater: It was alright. I got a pen tablet. <3
x layers of lies: Sweet!
x layers of lies: So did Drea show up?
xx underwater: No, she went to her sisters, but I did talk to my aunt Mia. She's Drea's mom. But that was it.
xx underwater: How was your Christmas?
x layers of lies: Ugh. I don't even want to talk about it. It was horrible.
xx underwater: Why? What happened?
xx underwater: Oh wait, you don't want to talk about it. Sorry!
x layers of lies: No, it's cool. It was just a lot of drama.
x layers of lies: Preston came out.
xx underwater: Came out?
x layers of lies: He's gay.
x layers of lies: Dad freaked. Mom cried. Trey was speechless, and Danny laughed. I didn't know what the hell to do.
xx underwater: Yikes! Are you okay?
x layers of lies: Yeah, I mean, I kind of already knew, but I guess I just hadn't expected my parents to react that way.
xx underwater: I'm sorry! :-( *hugs*
x layers of lies: *hugs* Thanks. I'll live. And mom and dad will get over it. I'm sure.
x layers of lies: So anyway, what are you doing for New Years?
xx underwater: I’m not really sure ... why?
x layers of lies: Well, the Hansons are having their annual New Year's party. Danny and I are going. And you said you're bored, so you should come too. No better way to ring in the New Year than with friends while sipping on the world's best eggnog.
xx underwater: Lol. Is it okay with the Hansons if I come?
x layers of lies: Are you crazy? Of course it's okay.
x layers of lies: So will you come? Pretty please? *pouts*
xx underwater: Um ... well, I don't have anything other plans, so ... okay. Sure. I'll be there.
x layers of lies: Sweet! The party starts at eight, but I'll probably be there earlier. Danny and I are heading back to campus Friday afternoon.
xx underwater: Well, I will most definitely avoid coming back to campus then because you don't have the Do Not Disturb sign with you. ;-)
x layers of lies: Oh shut up! *blushes*
xx underwater: *rolls eyes* I'll probably just drive back to campus Saturday morning.
x layers of lies: Okay, sounds good.
x layers of lies: I've got to go though. Trey wants the computer. Bastard.
xx underwater: Lol. I'll see you Saturday. :-)
x layers of lies: Bye, my dear!
xx underwater: Bye! :-)

As soon as Shalee signed off, I realized that I forgot to tell her that I watched the Hanson videos, but I shrugged it off. I could just tell her when I saw her in a couple of days. The truth was I was anxious to get back to Tulsa. I missed Shalee and Zac. They seemed to make my life so much more exciting. It was nice to actually feel like I had a life.

When I told dad about my plans, he wasn’t overly pleased. He got kind of pissy, saying that I should have checked to see if it was okay with him first, but I didn’t let it bother me. I reminded him that he was supposed to be letting me have some independence. He just huffed and left the room with a scowl on his face. I turned to Fleur and we both just shrugged at each other. I had already decided I was done trying to please everyone else, so I wasn’t changing my plans, and he could just get over it.

So Saturday morning I packed my things up and put them in the car and said goodbye to dad and Fleur before heading back to the campus. Shalee and Danny were both asleep in the room when I got there, but, thankfully, they were clothed. I quietly unpacked my things and Shalee woke up as I was finishing.

“Hey, how was the traffic?” she asked.

I shrugged. “It wasn’t as bad as I was expecting.”

“Well, that’s good. It was busy last night. Danny and I didn’t get here until late,” she yawned and elbowed Danny in the side.

“Hey,” he grunted with his eyes closed. “Some of us are still trying to sleep.”

“Then go back to your dorm,” Shalee said as she climbed out of bed and came over and gave me a hug. “I missed you!”

I hugged her back and smiled. “I missed you too.”

“I’m gonna go take a shower though,” she said as she gathered her things. She walked back over to her bed and kicked Danny in the leg though. “Get up, lazy ass.”

“Leave me alone,” he muttered, sitting up with a scowl on his face as Shalee rolled her eyes and sighed.

“I’ll be back soon,” she shrugged. As soon as Shalee left the room, Danny fell back against the pillows and was snoring lightly within seconds. I sighed and took out my iPod and listened to some music until Shalee came back.

When she found Danny sleeping again, she pounced on him and smothered his face in sloppy kisses until he got up. She then sent him to bathroom to brush his teeth.

“Morning breath is the worst,” she informed me as she sat down at the foot of my bed. “So, what did you get for Christmas?”

Shalee, Danny, and I left the dorms at seven o’clock and were at the Hanson household less than thirty minutes later. Natalie and Ellie greeted us at the door with a hug, and I gave Ellie a kiss on the forehead before going to find Diana.

After Christmas, I realized that I hadn’t got her anything and I felt bad. Even though I’d only met her twice, she had been incredibly nice to me both times, so I went out and bought her a couple of candles from Bath and Body Works. When I gave them to her, she quickly thanked me and pulled me into a hug before shooing me out of the kitchen so she could finish up with the snacks. I offered to help, but she wouldn’t have any of it, so I went to see where everyone else was.

I found them gathered in the living room, sitting around listening to holiday music, and I sat down on the couch between Shalee and Zac and we hung out until the rest of the guests started to arrive. It quickly became crowded around the Hanson household, but the atmosphere was comfortable.

Shalee mingled among the guests and she made sure she always had a glass of eggnog in her hand. Zac warned me that there was a bit of rum in it, so if I couldn’t handle my liquor, I should go easy on it. I followed his warning and only drank one glass of it. Meanwhile I couldn’t help but be amused by the fact that Shalee was getting smashed in front of everyone and no one seemed to notice, but I quickly realized that that was probably why she liked the eggnog so much.

As midnight drew nearer, more and more people began to show up, and after a while I decided that I needed some fresh air. It wasn’t that I felt uncomfortable around so many people, which actually shocked me, I just needed some time to catch my breath, so I grabbed my coat and stepped out the back door and sat down on the canopy swing.

I drew in a deep breath. It was cold, but I didn’t really mind all that much. I figured since we hadn’t got any snow, it might as well feel like winter even if it didn’t look like it. I tucked my hands in my pockets and rocked the swing slowly as I looked up at the sky. It was a clear night and the stars were shining brightly.

I jumped when I heard the back door open though. I turned and looked over my shoulder and smiled when I saw Zac step outside as he zipped up his coat. “Hey, I thought I saw you come out here,” he said. “Mind if I sit?”

I stopped rocking the swing and motioned for him to sit. “I just needed some fresh air,” I explained.

“Yeah, me too,” he nodded. “It gets pretty crowded in there.”

“Obviously,” I smiled. “But this is much better than what I would have been doing otherwise.”

“Which was what?” Zac asked.

“Probably watching Dick Clark on TV,” I shrugged. “I really didn’t have any other plans.”

“Well, I’m glad you came,” he smiled.

“Thanks, so am I,” I smiled in return. “So, how was your Christmas?”

“It was nice,” Zac nodded. “Yours?”

“It was … good,” I answered after a moment’s thought. I hadn’t really stopped to consider how well the holiday had gone, but it didn’t take much thought to realize it had gone pretty well. “So, where’s Kate? I thought she was here for the holidays.”

“She was,” Zac rolled his eyes. “She hit the road the second she heard that Shalee was coming though,” he sighed and shook his head. “But at least we didn’t get into a fight before she left this time.”

“Well, that’s good,” I commented.

“Yeah, I just wish I could get them under the same roof without fighting,” he sighed. “Wishful thinking, I’m sure.”

“Maybe they’ll both come around eventually,” I replied optimistically. “They both love you – even if they don’t like each other.”

“I know,” Zac nodded with a soft smile.

“Besides, how could they not love you when you were so adorable when you were younger,” I commented with a sly smile.

Zac glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and started to open his mouth - to ask what that had to do anything, I’m sure, but I interrupted him.

“I had no idea you were such a philosopher, but seriously, ‘lots and lots of trees, together equal, big trees’ – that is deep, Zac,” I grinned.

Even in the darkness, I could see a blush creep up on Zac’s cheeks. “Oh god! You watched that stupid tape, didn’t you?” he said, burying his head into his hands.

“I did,” I nodded, not bothering to suppress a smile. “And I laughed hysterically,” I added. “And when you were saying ‘I don't want to touch the balls,’ I couldn’t help but be amused by the fact that Taylor quite eagerly touched them … and put one in his mouth, I might add,” I snickered.

“Oh god! Shut up!” Zac cried, but there was laughter in his voice. “I’m going to kill Shalee for giving you those,” he exclaimed.

“Oh, come on. Don’t you want me to be a true Hanson fan?” I asked.

“No,” he replied.

I pouted. “But I wanna be a real fan. I even downloaded the songs on Middle of Nowhere,” I confessed.

“You downloaded them?” he laughed.

“Well, you said it was okay before, and I couldn’t find a copy at the mall, so I had to resort to illegal activity,” I exclaimed. “But I do have one question for you.”

“What’s that?” Zac asked.

“Where exactly did Johnny go?” I asked.

“Jude!” he laughed, shaking his head. I didn’t know why, but I was feeling a little on the goofy side. Maybe it was the effects of my large glass of eggnog or just the euphoria of being among friends, but I was feeling unusually carefree.

“What? It’s a fair question, isn’t it?” I shrugged innocently.

“He ran off and joined the circus, slept with the lion tamer’s wife, and got eaten alive,” Zac replied, grinning.

I shook my head and rolled eyes. “Fine, don’t tell me where he really went,” I sighed.

Zac rolled his eyes and looked up at the sky. “It’s a beautiful night,” he commented after a moment’s silence.

“It is,” I nodded.

“Can you see Orion?” Zac asked, pointing up at the sky.

I nodded. “My mom and I used to lay out in the backyard and watch the stars. She always told me the story of how Orion came to be.”

“Really? Do you remember it?” Zac asked, glancing at me.

I nodded with a soft smile.

“Tell me?”

“Okay,” I smiled. “Well, she said that Orion became a follower of Artemis – Apollo’s twin and the goddess of the wilderness and fertility. Eventually, they fell in love and planned to marry, but Apollo didn’t like it because he thought it was inappropriate for a goddess to be involved with someone who wasn’t a god. And then while Orion, Artemis, and Apollo were visiting the sea, Orion went for a walk out in the water.

Meanwhile, Apollo challenged Artemis, saying that she couldn’t hit this small speck that was bobbing above the surface of the water, and she wasn’t one to back down from a challenge, so she fired an arrow over the sea and hit the speck. It disappeared under the water, and a few minutes later Orion’s body washed up on the shore.”

“She killed him?” Zac questioned.

I nodded. “But it was Apollo’s fault. He knew the speck was Orion,” I explained. “But Orion became a star and watched over Artemis.”

“Well … that’s a sweet ending … though a little depressing,” Zac said.

“I never said it had a happy ending,” I smiled. “I don’t even know if it’s true.”

“Fair enough,” Zac shrugged.

I nudged him with my shoulder and he smiled. “So you wanna see somethin, do ya?" I teased.

“Will you quit quoting that stupid video?” he laughed.

“Eventually, I’m sure,” I grinned.

Zac stuck his tongue out at me and I rolled my eyes. “That’s very mature, you know.”

“Oh, I know,” Zac nodded. “You’re still too young to act this mature.”

“Right,” I nodded with a laugh.

After a few minutes, I felt a shiver go up my spine. “Should we go back in?” Zac asked.

I shook my head. “You can, but I want to stay here a little bit longer,” I replied. “I like the quiet.”

“I like the company,” Zac replied.

I turned and smiled at him. “Thanks, so do I,” I replied just as I heard a shriek from inside the house. Zac and I both jumped at first, but as soon as we heard people start to count down, we knew that it was almost midnight.

Zac and I joined in on the countdown. Even though it was just the two of us, we still yelled out loud. As soon as we reached one, Zac pulled me into a hug.

“Happy new year!” he whispered.

“You too,” I replied as I pulled away slightly. I stared into his deep brown eyes for a moment before I leaned in and pressed my lips lightly to his.

It was only supposed to be a peck on the lips, something meaningless, but as I started to pull back, Zac brought his hand around to the base of my neck and pressed his lips firmly against mine. The coolness of his hand faded away as the warm of his mouth drew me in, and I melted into his embrace as the rest of the world ceased to exist.