After my talk with Zac, I felt so much better about the situation. My main concern was that our friendship remain in tact, and when it became clear that it was, my stress level went down significantly. I was a little surprised by the fact that the awkwardness I had expected to develop between us never came. Instead we carried on as usual, and things felt normal.

Although it did strike me as odd thinking of hanging out with Zac as normal because while I acknowledged our friendship, I was surprised by how comfortable I had become with it. I felt the same way about Shalee too, but I guess I had just become so accustom to spending so much of my time around them that it was normal for me – just as spending every day with Drea had been.

Once classes started again, it was a little hard for me to adjust to the new schedule. Instead of getting out of class every day by eleven, I had one class from eight to nine on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and I had three classes on Tuesday and Thursday. Two of the classes were in the morning – one right after another – and the other one was from two until half past three. But I did share the Monday, Wednesday, and Friday class as well as my afternoon class on Tuesday and Thursday with Shalee, which was nice because we could help each other with the homework.

However, after settling into the new routine, things were fine. Then on Wednesday afternoon Emmy showed up at the dorms and wanted to see if I felt like going out for lunch with her. She had been so busy over the holidays because a lot of people threw big parties, so they needed someone to decorate for the occasion. Emmy’s agency had been swamped, but with the holidays over her workload had decreased, so it was nice to see her not looking run ragged for once.

However, Emmy decided to show up just as Shalee was in the middle of a rant about her and Danny’s latest squabble. I hadn’t been there to witness their actual argument, and from what I could tell, it wasn’t one of their usual pointless arguments. Shalee seemed quite upset about it, so out of common courtesy, I invited her to come out for lunch with Emmy and I.

Shalee was much more subdued than usual. She was relatively quiet throughout lunch, so Emmy and I did most of the talking, which was odd since Shalee was usually the motor mouth. I could tell that her argument with Danny was really bothering her, and I hated seeing her so upset.

All that she got to tell me before Emmy showed up was that apparently Danny and Eric had been drinking in their dorm, and Eric invited a bunch of girls over. She said that Danny claimed that it was totally innocent, but since the Halloween party, Shalee had held a great deal of dislike toward Eric – probably on my behalf – and she didn’t trust him. I couldn’t really blame her for being upset about it. Since Paul and Drea had been drinking before they wound up sleeping together, I knew how easily it was for an innocent situation to go awry.

Lunch with Emmy went on quietly, and there really wasn’t much to say. I figured that Emmy had probably planned on bringing up either Drea or the trial, but since she knew I hadn’t told Shalee about what had happened to me, that was off limits. And the second she mentioned Drea, I made it pretty clear I had no desire to talk about her, so that line of conversation was closed off as well.

However, when she brought up New Years, Shalee seemed to perk up a bit.

“So, how was the New Years party?” Emmy asked.

“It was a fun,” I replied.

“Did you kiss anyone at midnight?” Emmy asked, winking at me.

I rolled my eyes and started to answer, but Shalee answered first.

“She didn’t tell you? Zac kissed her at midnight,” Shalee said, looking quite serious, and Emmy looked surprised.

“Shut up! He did not!” I exclaimed, blushing madly. Even though Shalee had been a bit out of it when we left the party, she seemed to remember her amusement over Zac kissing me at midnight.

I had warned Zac of this ahead of time because I was afraid if he didn’t know she was just joking, he might actually own up to it. Then I knew I’d be in trouble with Shalee for not telling her about it. Zac and I had decided that we weren’t going to mention it to anyone for fear it would somehow reach Kate’s ears.

After lunch Emmy dropped Shalee and I off at the dorms and headed back to work while Shalee and I decided that we needed to do our laundry. It had become customary to do our laundry every other week, and we always went to the Hansons to do it. Not only did we get to do our laundry for free, we usually got a free dinner out of the deal as well. I felt a little guilty at first, but Diana always insisted that we stay. She complained that without Zac there to eat dinner, she always wound up having too much food left over.

We went up to our dorm and packed up our dirty clothes and headed to the Hanson household. Diana was in the middle of Zoe’s school lessons when we arrived, so we quietly went to the laundry room and started washing our clothes. We then settled on the living room couch to watch television while we waited.

Some time later Zoe wandered into the room and sat down on the couch between Shalee and I. She was quiet for a few minutes, but then when a commercial came on, she announced, “My birthday is in two days.”

I turned to her and smiled. “Oh really? How old are you going to be?” I asked.

“Eight,” she smiled.

“Wow, you’re only a couple years older than my niece,” I commented. “What are you doing for your birthday?” I asked.

“I’m having a big party,” she grinned.

“Wow, that sounds fun,” I said.

“Do you want to come?” she asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. Won’t you already have enough people?” I replied.

She shook her head. “There’s always room for more,” she smiled. “Shalee’s coming, aren’t you?” she said, looking over her shoulder to Shalee, who was listening with a smile.

“Of course I am,” Shalee grinned as she wrapped her arms around Zoe from behind and hugged her to her chest. “My little Zoe is going to be a big girl.”

“I already am a big girl,” Zoe frowned.

“Oh, I know,” Shalee sighed as she blew a raspberry on Zoe’s cheek. Zoe shrieked and pushed Shalee away, making a face.

“Shalee, you’re gross,” Zoe giggled.

“Yeah, well, I’m not any grosser than your brothers,” Shalee grinned.

Zoe smiled and shrugged before she looked back at me. “So, will you come?” she asked, pouting a little.

“How could I possibly say no to a face like that?” I smiled. “I’ll be here.”

“Yay!” Zoe smiled, giving me a quick hug before she skipped out of the room.

“That girl is going to break so many hearts,” Shalee commented, shaking her head.

I couldn’t help but agree. “Her brothers better watch out for her like a hawk,” I added.

On Zoe’s birthday Shalee, Danny, and I showed up for Zoe’s birthday party at five o’clock as we had been instructed. Shalee and Danny were speaking again though it seemed that Danny was treading on thin ice. The drive to the Hanson household had been uncomfortable at best. If I had known it was going to be like that, I probably would have drove over on my own, but it was too late to worry about by the time I made this realization.

The rest of the Hanson family was already there, and some of Zoe’s friends were arriving as we pulled into the driveway. Upon entering the house, I placed my gift for Zoe on the table with the rest of them. I wound up buying her a Barbie on a whim. Shalee told me later that she loved Barbies, so that was a relief. But I didn’t think it would matter all that much since she already had a massive pile of gifts.

I went into the kitchen and sat down beside Natalie who was holding Ellie, but when I reached out to the baby, she came to me with no argument.

“I think she likes you,” Natalie smiled.

“Well, I like her too,” I grinned as I kissed the redheaded child on the forehead. “I can’t believe how big she’s getting.”

“Oh, me either. She’s growing like a weed,” Natalie sighed.

“They say kids will do that though,” I commented.

“Yeah, they do,” Natalie smiled. “Every time I look Ezra I can’t believe he’s the same baby.”

“He’s starting to look more and more like Taylor every time I see him,” I said.

Natalie nodded. “He’s going to be break so many hearts,” she sighed.

“It’s funny you say that. Shalee and I were just saying the same thing about Zoe the other day,” I laughed.

“These Hanson’s have good genes,” Natalie smiled, shaking her head.

I certainly couldn’t disagree, but before I could reply, Diana announced that the children’s games were going to begin, so Natalie and I headed to the living room to watch with everyone else.

The party turned out to be a lot of fun. Even the grown-ups got involved with some of the games – namely pin the tail on the donkey. The games were followed by the opening of the presents. Zoe was absolutely delighted by all of the presents she received. After the presents, we finally got to the cake and the ice cream. Zoe’s eyes lit up when her mom lit the candles, and then everyone began to sing her Happy Birthday. The Hansons were the only ones who sounded decent. In fact mostly everyone else quieted down so that we could hear the harmonies of the Hanson family.

However, somewhere between getting their cake and ice-cream and actually eating it, Shalee and Danny were arguing again. At first no one noticed. I thought they were just bickering back and forth as usual, but once I saw the look on Shalee’s face, I knew that it wasn’t just a minor squabble.

Luckily, all of the kids were already out of the room and busy playing with Zoe’s new gifts. Diana and Walker had gone to supervise, but Natalie, Taylor, Zac, Isaac, Nikki – Isaac’s girlfriend - and I were still in the kitchen, trying to ignore their personal fight, but it was hard not to overhear. I missed out on the first half of the conversation, but from Shalee’s retort I knew that it had to do with his late night partying with Eric earlier in the week.

“Why do you have to be such an ass?” she asked, glaring at him. “If you want to go out and drink and fuck around with other girls, then do it. Just own up to it and spare me the drama,” she hissed. “I don’t want to hold you back.”

I glanced up from eating my cake and saw Danny looking rather embarrassed, and Shalee looked like she was on the verge of tears. Finally she stood up and said, “I think I’m ready to go back to the dorms, Danny.”

“Fine, me too,” Danny spat, standing up and nearly knocking his chair over.

“Watch it,” Shalee said between clenched teeth as Danny stomped out of the room. She glanced at me, and I was scared to death she was going to ask me if I was ready to go. I really didn’t want to leave with her and Danny fighting. I had already sat through one argument, but it had been mild in comparison to this one.

“I’ll give Jude a ride back to the dorms later,” Zac offered before Shalee could say anything to me.

“Thanks,” she said as she pulled on her coat. “I’ll see you guys later.”

We all bid her our goodbyes and as soon as she and Danny were gone, Taylor turned and shook his head. “That was awkward,” he commented.

“I’d say,” Isaac nodded.

“Do they fight like that often?” Nikki inquired. This was the first time I had met her, and from what I had gathered she didn’t know Shalee that well. Shalee hadn’t ever really said much about Nikki other than the fact that her and Isaac’s relationship was always off and on. She seemed nice enough though, and she was really pretty. Natalie mentioned that Nikki had done some modeling, and I was tempted to ask Natalie if she had done any modeling since it seemed to be a bit of a trend among the Hanson brothers to date models.

“Not usually,” Zac answered. “At least I don’t think … Jude?”

“No, they don’t,” I replied. “They had an argument earlier this week though. And Shalee was still upset about it,” I explained. I decided to leave it at that though because I felt as if I had already said too much, but no one asked what the argument was about and the conversation switched to something else.

Once Zoe’s friends’ parents started to show up to pick them up, the crowd at the house began to thin out pretty quickly. Taylor and Natalie decided to head for home since it was getting late and Ezra and Ellie needed to get to bed. Isaac and Nikki left not long after, but Zac and I hung back and helped Diana and Walker clean up a little before we decided to go.

“I hope Shalee’s okay,” I commented as Zac drove in the darkness. “Maybe I should have gone with her and Danny.”

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Zac said. “Besides, she seemed pretty angry. She probably needed some time alone to calm down.”

“Well, I don’t know that riding back to the dorms with Danny was the best idea then,” I replied. “She was really pissed.”

“I know,” Zac nodded. “But they’ll be okay. They always are.”

“I hope you’re right,” I commented just as Zac’s car started to make a strange sound. “What the hell is that?” I asked as Zac pulled off onto the side of the road.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” he exclaimed, shaking his head in disbelief.

“What?” I asked, looking alarmed.

“I’m out of gas,” Zac replied, shaking his head.

“What?” I asked, nearly laughing. “How is that possible? Haven’t you heard that you have to fill up the tank when it’s empty in order for it to run?”

“You think I don’t know that?” Zac laughed. “I let that idiot brother of mine borrow my car yesterday to go pick up Nikki at the airport, and apparently he didn’t fill it up before he brought it back,” he sighed, shaking his head as he dug around in his pocket for a moment before he pulled out his cell phone.

“Who are you going to call?” I asked.

“Isaac,” he replied. “This is his fault, after all.”

I watched as he dialed the number and waited for his brother to answer the phone. After a moment, I looked out the window and sighed. It was so dark out. I shivered slightly. The only light in the car was from the moon and the glow of Zac’s cell phone, but it was enough not to make me worry about the darkness. However, I didn’t know how comfortable I was with the fact that we were stuck out in the middle of nowhere.

I had a bit of a phobia of being stuck or lost in places. When I was younger, my parents had taken me, Drea, Emmy, and Lorelei, Emmy’s best friend, camping for the weekend. We had the cabin by the lake, but some of my dad’s friends had mentioned a camping ground and he thought it would be fun to “rough it” in the wilderness, and Drea had this brilliant idea that we should go exploring the campgrounds.

But before we could explore, Drea decided that we both had to have walking sticks. I didn’t know why, and when she handed me a long stick, I looked at her like she was an idiot. “Just hold the damn stick!” she exclaimed.

Even at the age of eight, Drea’s vocabulary was full of foul language, and she was rather bossy. I, of course, knew that she got it from her dad. He cussed more than any other person I had ever met. I never really liked him much. He always seemed so grouchy to me, but he and Mia were married for a long time. It wasn’t until Drea was thirteen that they got divorced. That happened just as mom was diagnosed with cancer. All in all I could say that that wasn’t exactly our best year.

After we found our walking sticks, Drea decided we should venture into the woods. I didn’t really want to go, but Drea always called me a chicken, and I didn’t want her to think I was a wimp, so I went along with it. I don’t know how long we walked, but before long we were pretty deep in the woods, and it was growing dark pretty quickly.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I tripped on some branches and fell right through a huge spider web and started screaming. However, those screams were nothing in comparison to the one I let out when I actually spotted the spider that belonged to the web.

“I've never seen one that big before!” Drea exclaimed excitedly as she poked at it with her walking stick. I just stood back as she poked at it until the spider started scurrying my way. Then I started stabbing at it with my stick while Drea laughed. Then the stupid walking stick snapped in half.

“You broke it!” Drea exclaimed, looking surprised. “What are you supposed to use now?”

“Who needs a stupid walking stick anyway?” I exclaimed. “Can’t we just go back to the camp?”

“Fine,” Drea replied, looking annoyed.

However getting back to camp was easier said than done. We had walked so far into the woods that before long we were lost and just walking around in circles. As darkness began to cover the sky, I started to grow scared while Drea kept telling me not to be a baby. I don’t know how long we were lost before my parents found us. I was crying and scared to death when they finally found us, so I managed to get out of a real punishment.

After that though, I didn’t really care if Drea called me a chicken. If I didn’t want to do something, then I wasn’t going to do it. However, I don’t know how true I stayed to that decision. Growing up, I let Drea pull me into a lot of stupid situations.

Another time one of my aunt’s was having a cookout and the whole family was there, and it was pretty boring because all of the adults were outside talking, and none of us kids, which included myself and Drea and our other cousins, had anything to do, so we went into the house and decided we were going to play hide and seek.

My cousin Landon was the seeker, and he started counting while we all ran off to hide some place. Drea pulled me into what appeared to be a broom closet just as Landon finished counting. However, as soon as we shut the door behind us, we found ourselves stuffed into a tiny space in front of the furnace.

I didn’t start to panic until a few minutes passed and Landon hadn’t found us. I wanted to give up and come out of hiding because the room was so small and dark and I didn’t like it, but Drea was a sore loser, so she insisted that we wait just a little bit longer. However, after close to ten minutes, I was tired of waiting, and I tried to open the door, only to realize that there was no doorknob on the inside. That was when I really started to panic.

I immediately started crying as I clawed at the door while Drea kept telling me to calm down. I don’t think it was until then that she realized just how scared of the dark I really was. We tried yelling for someone to let us out, but just as we tried that the central air came on, and it was controlled from that room, so it was loud and anyone who passed by couldn’t hear us over the sound.

It wasn’t until almost an hour later when Landon’s dad pulled the door open – to look for a flashlight because it was now dark outside and they thought we were lost outdoors somewhere – that we were found. A rush of relief washed over me, and I fell into my mom’s arms the second I saw her, and I cried myself to sleep.

Needless to say, hide and seek was officially banned from all family gatherings.

I shook my head at the memories as I pulled my eyes away from the window, and I saw Zac watching me curiously.

“Did you get a hold of Isaac?” I asked.

Zac nodded with a grin.

“Did you already tell me that?” I asked, feeling rather embarrassed.

He merely nodded.

“Sorry, I was thinking,” I replied.

“It’s okay,” he grinned. “Ike should be here within twenty minutes. He and Nikki were at a store when I called.”

“Oh,” I shrugged. “Well, we’ll be here.”

“Yeah,” Zac laughed as I felt a shiver go up my spine. It was starting to grow a little cold in the car. The weather outside was still cold, and without the heat from the car it was more noticeable.

“Cold?” Zac asked.

“A little,” I nodded.

“Come here,” he said, lifted his arm and motioning for me to scoot closer to him. I took off my seatbelt and moved over as much as I could in my seat and Zac wrapped his arm around me. “Hopefully, they’ll hurry. It is awfully chilly.”

“Yeah, it is,” I agreed. Without the glow of Zac’s cell phone, the car was much darker, but there was still a faint glow from the moon filtering through the passenger side window of the car, and I was a tad bit surprised that I wasn’t as scared as I normally would have been.

I closed my eyes and rested my head against Zac’s shoulder as I took a deep breath. I couldn’t help but think that he smelled quite nice, and the weight of his arm around my shoulders was enough to keep me warm. I snuggled into his embrace and sighed.

“Comfortable?” Zac mused.

“Quite,” I smiled.

“Good,” Zac sighed as I felt him twirl a piece of my hair around his finger.

“Normally, I’m afraid of the dark,” I commented after a moment.

“Shalee’s afraid of the dark too,” Zac said. “But you probably already know that.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“I bet you two sleep with night lights, don’t you?” he chuckled.

“No, just her glow in the dark poster,” I said, lifting my head to make a face at him, although I wasn’t sure if he could actually see it in the dark, but my eyes were starting to adjust to the darkness, and I could see his face quite clearly.

“So you’re not scared right now?” he asked.

“Nope,” I replied.

“Why is that?” Zac asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Because you’re with me,” I smiled.

Zac smiled back at me, and I felt a fluttering in my chest. Zac had such a beautiful smile, but when he was actually smiling at me, it made me feel so special. I started to rest my head back against his shoulder, but as soon as I started to move, Zac cupped his hands on either side of my face and leaned in and captured my lips with his.

I was a little caught off guard, but that didn’t last long. I closed my eyes and moved my lips against his, not bothering to analyze what was happening. After a moment though, Zac pulled away and I felt my heart sink.

“I’ve wanted to do that again since New Years,” he confessed breathlessly.

“Me too,” I admitted before Zac leaned back in and pressed his soft lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he parted my lips with his tongue and slipped his tongue into my mouth. I felt a little unsure of myself since I had only been kissed that way once before, but I followed Zac’s lead and slowly melted into the kiss.

However, we both pulled apart when a pair of bright lights broke through the front windshield. I shielded my eyes with my hand and squinted as Zac did the same. “It’s Ike,” he announced before he climbed out of the car.

I didn’t bother to get out of the car. Instead I wrapped my arms around myself to keep warm and watched as Isaac carried a gasoline container over to the car and he filled the car up with gas while Zac stood back and watched.

After he was finished, Isaac popped his head into the car and apologized for taking so long before he waved and went back to his own car where Nikki was waiting. Zac then got back into the car and started it up and gave Isaac a thumbs-up, and he then turned around on the road and drove away.

The heat in Zac’s car kicked in immediately and I relished the feel of the warm air rushing over me. Zac and I pulled on our seatbelts before he pulled off of the side of the road and headed back toward the dorms.

Several times we both started to speak, but we quickly stopped. I wasn’t exactly sure what I should say. I didn’t really want to apologize because I wasn’t sorry that it had happened. I liked him. I couldn’t deny it any longer.

When we reached the dorms, Zac pulled up in front of the building, and we sat there quietly for a moment before Zac spoke. “I like you, Jude,” he said. “More than I thought I did.”

“Me too,” I replied. “So, what do we do?”

“I’m not sure,” Zac answered honestly.

“I know you love Kate … I don’t want to ruin things for you and her,” I said.

“You’re not,” he said quickly.

I bit my lip and looked down at my hands. I wasn’t really sure what to say next, and Zac was quiet as well.

“Do you think we could … see each other again?” Zac asked. “I mean, I like you, and if there’s really something there between us, I don’t want to ignore it and always wonder what might have been …”

I looked up and could see that Zac looked as uncertain as I felt. “What if Kate finds out? And what if … this is just a fluke?” I asked. “What happens to us?”

Zac frowned. “Honestly, I don’t know the answers to any of those questions … I just know I really like you a lot.”

“I like you too,” I replied. I took a deep breath and sighed, “So, let’s go for it. Let’s find out if there’s really something to this … you and me, I mean.”

I couldn’t say why I was feeling so bold, but I had a feeling that it had something to do with Paul. I had wasted so much time hiding my feelings for him. If I had been more upfront with him, I wouldn’t have wasted so many years vying for his love. I didn’t want to do the same with Zac. I had no idea where this was going to take us, but I was willing to find out.