As soon as I got back to the dorms, the first thing I did was call my dad to ask him about the fire. He said that it had destroyed the house, and they were looking into the cause of the fire. Dad tried to reassure me that everything was okay because I was in a bit of a panic mode when we talked, but his reassurances did little to calm my nerves.

The fact that Earl Hagley’s trial had started only the day before didn’t help the situation any. I had been distracted from thinking about it because of my birthday, but the fire brought me back to the reality of the situation. I couldn’t help but wonder if Earl Hagley had something to do with the fire. When he was arrested for the rapes and murders and found out that it was me who gave the police a sketch of him and pointed him out in a line up, he declared that he was going to make me pay.

Kenneth Fynn, the detective working my case, assured me that I had nothing to worry about though, and he was such a nice man and made it a point to let me know that he was going to make sure Earl Hagley paid for what he did for me, I had believed him. That wasn’t to say that there weren’t times when I grew scared and thought that Earl Hagley might come after me, but I hadn’t thought about that in months.

But now with the trial in session I couldn’t help but feel a bit paranoid. While Earl Hagley was a disturbed and disgusting waste of a life, I couldn’t say that he wasn’t smart. If I hadn’t survived his attack, then he would probably still be out there lurking around, scouting out his next victim. Somehow Earl Hagley had managed to evade the police and remain undetected for four months. It wasn’t until after he was caught that the police were able to connect him with all the crimes.

First they had discovered that his father was the man who had designed and built all of the homes where the girls were attacked, which explained how Earl Hagley knew the floor plans and how to enter each house undetected. The police didn’t get their big break in the case until Hagley was stopped for speeding. The officer recognized him from the description I had been able to give to the sketch artist, and he also discovered that he had been drinking.

He was taken to jail, and while he was in police custody, they put him in a line up. That was when I was able to identify him as my attacker. The police then attained a warrant to search his apartment, and they found the belongings from the other victims as well as several hunting knifes and a notebook full of sketches of floor plans from each of the houses he broke into.

If I hadn’t survived, then Earl Hagley would still be out there. And that was why he had threatened my life. It was because of me that he was caught, and I knew that that alone was enough to make him put a stake on my life.

After a couple of days of letting the paranoia eat away at me, I decided to call Detective Fynn. He had always been up front with me about the facts, so I figured if he knew anything about the fire, then he would tell me.

I called the precinct and asked to speak with him and waited while my call was forwarded to his desk. When he answered, I felt a wave of relief wash over me at the sound of his deep comforting voice. To look at him he seemed like he would be a cold man, but after speaking with him, it was obvious that while he was a little rough around the edges, he was still a kind, caring person. He had visited me twice a week while I was in the hospital and made sure to call me at least once a week when I returned home to let know if there were any updates on the case.

“Hi, Detective Fynn, it’s Jude Ryland,” I said.

“Oh, Jude,” he replied. “How are you doing?” he asked.

“Um, fairly well, considering,” I replied.

“Well, that’s to be expected,” he replied. “So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this call?”

“Well, I don’t know if you heard, but our old house burned down a couple of days ago,” I began.

“Oh, yes, I heard,” he replied.

“Well, my dad said they were going to look into the cause of the fire,” I said. “And I was just wondering if maybe you had heard anything.”

“Well, the fire marshal is an old buddy of mine,” Detective Fynn explained. “And this is unofficial and I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but so far there’s no signs of foul play. Right now he’s looking to see if there are any signs of faulty wiring, but he suspects that some teenagers might have caused it. One of the neighbors said they ran off a few kids who were trying to sneak into the house a few days before the fire.”

“So, Earl Hagley had nothing to do with it?” I asked.

“No, Jude, I don’t believe he did,” Detective Fynn replied. “Is that what you’re worried about?”

“Well, when I heard … I just thought …”

“Jude, you have nothing to worry about,” he said. “Earl Hagley is being watched like a hawk, not to mention he’s behind bars. There’s no way he could have concocted anything like this.”

“Okay, I just … I wanted to make sure,” I replied.

“Well, now you know,” he said. I could tell he was smiling. “So why don’t you focus your thoughts on your studies? I’m sure you have plenty other things to worry about. Let me worry about this fire and Earl Hagley.”

“I wish it were that easy,” I said with a soft smile. “But thank you.”

After I got off of the phone, I laid down on my bed with a sigh. My mind had been so muddle for the past couple of days. I had been so consumed with worry and paranoia that I hadn’t really been getting much sleep. I chose not to take the sleeping pills though because I always felt groggy after taking them.

Shalee had noted that I seemed distracted, but I just told her that it was all of the homework we had to do. I don’t know if she actually believed me, but she didn’t argue, so I took that as a good sign. My family also seemed to notice my mood. Of course they knew that it was because of the trial and the fire.

I had also been avoiding Zac like the plague. He had tried calling me a few times, but I never answered and I didn’t return any of his calls. I had also seen him waiting outside our dorm room a few times after Shalee and I got out of class, but I always gave Shalee some excuse to turn around and leave before he saw me. Whenever he came around, I usually stuck it out in the library until I was sure he was gone.

The situation with Zac had me feeling so confused. I couldn’t even understand my own actions. I knew part of it was not wanting to regret not going for what I wanted, but in retrospect it seemed so stupid and reckless. While it was true I had feelings for Zac, it was still no excuse for my behavior.

He was engaged. He was supposed to be getting married. What in the world was I thinking? How was it even possible one little kiss had caused such a strange chain of events? I didn’t even feel like I was myself anymore. The girl who was sneaking around with Zac wasn’t me. I wasn’t like that. I never threw caution to the wind. I was the good girl with the good morals.

But the truth was I was that girl, and it had felt good for a while. That was before I got a huge reality check though. As good as it might have felt to be with Zac, it was still wrong. There really was no justification for my behavior, and I couldn’t help but feel ashamed.

It was stupid to think that Zac and I could sneak around and everything would be okay. How could that ever be okay? Zac was going to marry another girl. What did I think was going to happen? Was I just going to be the other girl even after he was married? What kind of life would that be? I didn’t want that.

I knew what I had to do. It didn’t take much thought. I had to break the whole shenanigan with Zac off, but instead of just facing up to it and telling him what was going on, I continued to avoid him. However, after avoiding Zac for nearly a week, he finally managed to catch up with me. Apparently, instead of waiting around at the door for me to show up, Zac tracked me down to the library.

As soon as I saw him enter the room, I felt tension build up in my chest. He walked over to me and sat down in the chair across from me. “You’re a hard person to track down, ya know that?” he asked.

I glanced down at my books and shrugged. “I’ve been busy,” I replied. It wasn’t completely a lie either. I had been busy – class, paranoia, and inner turmoil – it all really was very time consuming.

“Well, can we talk now?” he asked.

I looked up and sighed before I simply nodded. I gathered my books and shoved them in my bag before I stood and slung my bag over my shoulder, and Zac and I headed for the door. Neither of us spoke until we were outside and walking down the sidewalk.

“So, wanna tell me what I did wrong?” Zac asked.

“Well, I should think that that would be obvious,” I replied sarcastically.

“What?” Zac asked, giving me a sideways glance.

“Well, you asked what you did wrong. It’s pretty obvious what we both did wrong, isn’t it?” I replied.

“Jude, I’m lost. Could you please clue me in here?” Zac asked, shaking his head.

“Zac, you’re engaged to be married, and we’re sneaking around having a relationship behind everyone’s back,” I answered. “That’s what’s wrong.”

“But I thought you were okay with this,” Zac commented.

“I thought I was … but now … I – I can’t do this,” I said, stopping in my tracks to look at him. “I’m not this type of girl. Or at least I don’t want to be.”

“So what are you saying?” Zac asked, looking confused and hurt.

“I’m saying that we can’t do this anymore,” I replied, throwing my hands up in the air. “My birthday – things heated up way too fast, and it scared me to think about what could have happened.”

“Why is that scary?” Zac asked, taking a step toward me.

“Because I wanted it so bad,” I confessed.

“So did I,” Zac replied as he made to put his hand on my waist.

“But it – this – is so wrong,” I cried, pushing him away. “Think about what we’re doing – to ourselves, our loved ones.”

“But, Jude, I like you … a lot,” Zac said.

“I like you, too,” I replied. “But we – I – can’t do this,” I said as the tears that had flooded my eyes spilled over. “You can’t have it both ways, Zac. You’re engaged to Kate, and as long as you’re in a relationship with someone else, I can’t see you.”

Before Zac could reply, I took a deep breath and shifted my bag on my shoulder and walked away. I felt my heart break with each step. Why did doing the right thing have to hurt so badly?

Tears slid down my cheeks as I walked back to the dorm. I wiped them away quickly for fear that they might freeze up. That was what my mom used to always tell me would happen. By the time I reached the dorm, I was ready to fall into bed and sleep for the rest of the night. However, when I stepped into the dorm room and saw Shalee sitting on her bed looking as horrible as I felt, I knew something was wrong.

I threw my bag carelessly to the floor as I shut the door and hurried over to her bed. “What’s wrong, Shalee?” I asked as I sat down at the edge of the bed.

She wiped at her eyes, trying to hide the tears, but it was of little use. Her blue eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and a path from her tears could be seen on her cheeks. “Danny and I,” she hiccupped as a fresh set of tears spilled from her eyes. “We broke up.”

“What?” I asked, my eyes widening with shock. “When? And why?”

She shrugged as she wiped her tears away and hiccupped again. “We had another fight today,” she said after a long pause. “It was stupid as usual. I don’t even know what it was about now, but then Danny said that ‘I smother him.’ So I told him that if I was smothering him, then he could take his space and shove it up his ass,” she explained, hiccupping every so often. “So, he said he would. That he was sick of my shit, and he was going to do what he wanted when he wanted,” she concluded.

“Are you serious?” I asked, feeling quite surprised. I couldn’t believe that Danny would really break up with Shalee let alone speak to her that way. Even when they fought, I could see the passion in their eyes. It was obvious that they loved one another. “Maybe he didn’t really mean it,” I said quickly.

Shalee shook her head. “No, he meant it,” she sighed. “He already brought me all of my stuff that I left up in his room,” she said, motioning toward the end of the bed. I looked over my shoulder to see a box full of Shalee’s stuff.

I frowned and turned back to Shalee. “I’m sorry, Shal,” I whispered as I pulled her into a hug. “It’ll be okay though.”

“I just don’t know … I’ve never been alone like this,” Shalee cried.

I pulled back away from her and looked into her eyes. “You are not alone. I’m here for you,” I said. “Besides, who needs guys anyway?

Shalee sniffled a bit and wiped her eyes and sighed as she sat up straight. “You’re right,” she said with a small smile. “Guys are just a bunch of idiots that can’t do anything right anyway.”

“That’s right,” I nodded, smiling softly.

Shalee sighed and nodded with a soft smile. I wasn’t exactly sure which one of us I was really trying to convince that we didn’t need guys, but even though I couldn’t share my pain, at least I wasn’t going through the break-up blues alone.

The weekend following Shalee and Danny’s break-up I went home with Shalee. Both of us seemed to be down in the dumps, but Shalee had tickets to go see Keith Urban. Originally, Danny was supposed to go with her even though he really didn’t like Keith Urban that much, and Shalee was just going to try to give the tickets away. I knew she liked his music a lot though, and I didn’t want her to miss the concert just because she didn’t have anyone to go with, so I offered to go with her. I hadn’t ever really listened to Keith Urban because I wasn’t a huge fan of country music, but he was easy on the eyes, so I figured I could handle one night of it.

The drive to Oklahoma City was relatively quiet. Shalee’s whole personality had seemed to change since she and Danny broke up. Granted it had only been a few days, but seeing her so sad and quiet was almost too painful to watch. After being with someone for so long, it had to be hard to go from being a part of a couple to a single person once again, but I figured that after a little while she’d come around.

I had seen Danny around campus a few times, and he had stopped to ask me how Shalee was doing. When I told him that she was holding up, he seemed to be satisfied and that was the extent of our conversation. Danny seemed to be doing well on his own though. Shalee had noticed too. She had heard from several people that in the few short days since their break-up he had been partying hard every night.

She had been doing a lot of crying, so I figured that it would be best if we got away from the dorms for the weekend. I hoped that the concert would brighten her mood, and I secretly hoped that it would brighten my mood as well.

I hadn’t seen Zac since I broke things off with him. Shalee had talked to him on the phone a few times, but he hadn’t been by the dorms. I was grateful for that because I didn’t think I could stand to see him. Part of me wanted to run back to him and continue what we had been doing, but I knew that it was wrong and I just couldn’t go through with it.

When we reached Shalee’s parents’ house, we gathered our things and went inside. Shalee’s parents were sitting in the living room and Shalee introduced me to them. Her mom and dad both seemed nice. Her mom kept saying how happy she was to finally meet me, and after Shalee put our things away, Glynnis, Shalee’s mom, offered to cook us some dinner.

We sat down in the kitchen while she whipped something up for us, and Shalee told Glynnis about breaking up with Danny. Glynnis played the role of a mother perfectly. She listened and comforted Shalee and told her that everything would be okay. The comfort from her mom seemed to be exactly what Shalee needed because as soon as she finished telling her about the break-up, Shalee was alright. She dried her eyes and shrugged it off and said that we weren’t going to worry about that over the weekend, and that this was supposed to be a fun filled, girls only weekend.

Shalee did venture to ask about the situation with Preston though, and Glynnis said she had spoke to him a few times since Christmas, but Gerard was still being stubborn and didn’t want to accept the truth. Shalee just sighed and shook her head. She hadn’t really said much about Preston coming out since she’d told me about it, but a few times she had mentioned that she wished her dad wasn’t so close-minded.

I really didn’t know what to say in reply. My mom had always been incredibly open-minded about everything. She always said that it wasn’t her place to judge anyone else, and I really respected her for that. My dad, on the other hand, wasn’t quite as liberal. He was a rather conservative republican. I often wondered how my parents had ever wound up together with all of their differences, but they managed to make it work.

After eating, Shalee and I went up to her room to hang out. Her room wasn’t at all what I expected it to be. She had always told me that she had been a bit of a tomboy growing up, so when I walked into a purple room filled with music boxes and posters of shirtless guys on the walls, I was a little surprised. Her room was girlier than I had expected, but I liked it. It seemed to fit Shalee’s personality well.

Shalee sprawled out on her bed while I sat down on the chaise lounge she had in the corner. It was really comfortable, so I laid back and crossed my legs with a yawn. “I think I found my bed,” I said.

“Jude, you don’t have to sleep on that stupid thing,” Shalee said. “You can have my bed, and I’ll sleep there.”

“No, it’s cool,” I said. “Besides, I know what it’s like to come home and want to sleep in your own bed.”

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Positive,” I replied as I kicked off my shoes and looked around the room. I spotted a photo album on her nightstand and grabbed it and started flipping through the pages.

It was filled with pictures of her, Danny, her family, and the Hanson family. When I came across a picture of a guy covered with what appeared to be shaving cream or whipped cream and a dazed look upon his face, I had to do a double take. It took me a moment to realize it was Zac because he still had long hair in the picture. “What’s going on in this picture?” I asked Shalee as she flipped through the stations on her television.

Shalee looked over at me and then at the picture and a huge grin broke out across her face. “That was freaking hilarious,” she laughed. “That was a few years ago when Isaac, Taylor, and Zac were working on the Underneath album,” she explained.

“And Zac is not a morning person at all, so dragging his ass down to the studio in the house tends to be a job and half,” Shalee commented. “Well, anyway, on this particular day, Zac came down to the studio and Isaac was laying down his tracks and Taylor was listening while Zac was lying on the couch. He had already dosed off when I got there, and Isaac, Taylor, and I decided we were going to wake him up … so I went and got the whipped cream from the fridge and came back downstairs and sprayed the whipped cream on his hands, and Taylor put a pair of the headphones on Zac’s head and Ike turned on the radio and blared it,” she laughed.

“Oh my god,” I laughed.

“Zac jumped up so fast,” Shalee laughed. “And I snapped the picture just as he grabbed at the headphones and wound up smearing the whipped cream all over his face,” she sighed. “It was great but Zac was so pissed. Definitely not a morning person.”

“You guys are crazy,” I laughed. “Didn’t he feel you put the headphones on his ears though?”

“Haven’t you learned that Zac’s a deep sleeper?” Shalee laughed.

“Well, that’s true,” I nodded, remembering the one time when I had to wake him up. “That’s just crazy though.”

“I know,” Shalee sighed, shaking her head. “Good times, good times. I miss those days.”

“Growing up really blows sometimes, doesn’t it?” I sighed.

Shalee nodded. “Indeed it does.”

I laid back against the chaise and continued looking through the photos and couldn’t help but think about the old days. Life seemed so much easier when I was little. That was before life got complicated with college, friends, and boy drama. Sometimes I wished that I could go back to those days, but other times I was glad they were over. I couldn’t imagine reliving my teenage years, and that was kind of sad to admit since I’d only just legally become an adult.

Shalee and I laid around her room talking most of the night. It was kind of weird to actually be in her home, but at the same time it was nice. It felt like Shalee and I were growing closer just by spending time together at her house. It may not have been where she grew up, but I’d always thought that you could tell a lot about people by the atmosphere of their home.

With the Hansons it was obvious that they were carefree and fun by the way the house was run. It was always clean, but in every room there was some sign that children inhabited it. In every room there was also pictures of the family – even the kitchen had pictures on the refrigerator. Whenever I went to the Hanson household, I seemed to associate it with organized chaos as well as warmth and comfort. I barely knew Diana, yet every time I visited her home, she treated me like she’d known me for years and made sure I was taken care of.

Shalee’s house had a similar feel to it. It was obvious why Glynnis and Diana were such good friends – they were a lot a like. Gerard reminded me a bit of my own dad though. He seemed quiet and liked to keep to himself. I had noticed when we got there that he was doing a crossword puzzle in the newspaper, which was something my dad always did on Saturday morning. While Shalee’s house was smaller than the Hansons, it still held a great deal of warm and comfort. It felt like the kind of home where you could just come in and feel like you belonged.

I wondered briefly what other people would think of my home. I had never thought to invite Shalee to my house, but Zac had been there. I wondered what he thought. My house was nothing like his. It was comfortable to me, but I almost wondered if that was only because Emmy had decorated it to feel warm and cozy like our old house had. The new house was different from the old one though.

In the old house, the carpet on the floors was worn from years of people walking through the house. It had seen many birthdays and sleepovers. It held so many memories – good and bad. But it had been my home. It was where I was raised. It used to be my safe haven, but then that changed overnight. It seemed as if all of the good memories it held were erased or at least overpowered by one terrible memory from one night.

That house was gone now due to the fire, but the memories still lived on. However, I wished that the memory from that chilly night in March could have burned down along with the house. I was sick of having it buried in the depths of my brain. Sometimes I wished that I had a pensieve, a shallow stone basin used to store old memories, like in the Harry Potter books. I figured my life would be so much easier if I could just remove that memory from my mind. Then maybe it wouldn’t have been so hard to just look at my old home. The new house was slowly becoming my new safe haven though. It wasn’t like the old house because I hadn’t made enough new memories there yet, and sometimes I wondered if I ever would.

During the course of the night, mine and Shalee’s conversation shifted to all sorts of topics. When we finally reached the topic of relationships and sex, I wasn’t sure if that was a topic we should really discuss – especially since the pain from her break-up with Danny was so fresh, but Shalee didn’t seem to mind.

“Danny was the only guy I ever dated,” she commented. “It seems kind of weird now. I mean, most of my friends in school dated several people before they ever got into a serious relationship, but with Danny … I just thought that he was the one. I thought we’d get married and everything,” she sighed.

“You don’t think he’ll change his mind?” I asked curiously as I propped myself up on my side and looked over at her.

She sighed and shrugged. “I don’t really know. And it even kind of hurts to say it, but maybe this was for the best,” she said. “I mean, all we did after college started was fight. Believe it or not, we didn’t used to fight like that, and I hated it, so maybe this is for the best.”

“Maybe,” I nodded.

“Ya know … sometimes I used to worry that Danny and I would get married, and he’d be the only guy I ever slept with,” she laughed.

“Why would that worry you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

She shrugged and laughed. “I don’t know … I guess I’ve kind of always wondered what it would be like to be with someone else. I mean, not just jump into bed with some random guy, but … I guess it’s just because most of the girls I went to school with slept with more than one guy, and I kind of always wondered how it would be different with someone else.”

“I guess that makes sense,” I shrugged.

“Have you ever?” she asked. I wanted to groan as soon as she asked. I had evaded that very question once before, but I didn’t really see a way out, so I thought about it for a moment before I answered.

“No, I haven’t,” I replied. It wasn’t really a lie. Dr. Wisely and I had talked about it briefly during one session. It was one of the few times I had actually initiated a conversation, but I had said something about no longer being a virgin because of being raped.

Dr. Wisely told me that just because Earl Hagley forced himself on me, it didn’t mean that I was no longer a virgin. She said that rape was about violence, not sex. I didn’t really understand how that meant I could still be a virgin, but she told me that I was a virgin until I had consensual sex.

At the time I thought that she was just trying to make me feel better, but I had thought about it a little since then – especially after my birthday, and what Dr. Wisely told me started to make sense. She also explained that different people have different ideas about what makes a person a virgin. She said that some people think that having oral sex means that they are no longer a virgin. She said that ultimately it was a judgment call on my part.

Drea and I had talked about it one time very briefly, and to lighten the mood she told me that at least when I finally went for it with Paul, I wouldn’t have to worry about it hurting as much. I suppose from that aspect I should have felt relieved, but it really didn’t change the fact that I had been violated in the most intimate of ways, but when Shalee asked, I decided to make my judgment call. As far as I was concerned, I was still a virgin.

“So you and Paul never …” Shalee asked.

“No, we never got around to it,” I sighed. “But maybe it was for the best that we didn’t.”

“Yeah, you want to make sure your first time is special,” Shalee commented.

I wanted to tell her that I knew all about that, but I really wasn’t ready to go down that road. As much as I had grown to trust Shalee, the rape and attack was still a subject I couldn’t bring myself to discuss. It was bad enough I’d have to talk about it in open court with the bastard who had done it to me in the room.

“Danny and I didn’t plan it or anything the first time,” she commented with a sigh.

“Really? What happened?” I asked.

“We went to his house after school and his parents were gone,” she shrugged. “We were messing around in his room. One thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, I was no longer a virgin,” she explained. “But it hurt so bad. I cried like a baby.”

I frowned. “Really? But it gets better after the first time, right?” I asked, making a face.

“Oh, yeah,” Shalee grinned. “The first few times kind of hurt, but it gets a lot better after that.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” I sighed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Shalee laughed. “Besides, it’s worth the pain if you really love the person.”

“I’m sure that’s true,” I smiled softly. “How old were you the first time?” I asked curiously.

“Um, just turned sixteen,” she replied. “We were together for quite a while before we started doing it,” she explained. “We’d talked about it some beforehand, but we definitely didn’t plan for it to happen that way. But let me tell you – Danny was like a freaking dog in heat. He wanted to do it all the time at first.”

“Really?” I laughed.

Shalee rolled her eyes and nodded. “One time he was all over me at church. I mean, it wasn’t actually while church was in session, but we were there working on the set for the Christmas play. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself,” she laughed. “It was horrible, but he wouldn’t let up, so we did it in the storage room.”

“Oh my god!” I exclaimed as my jaw dropped. “You can't do that in church!”

“Shh!” Shalee blushed as she buried her head in her pillows.

I couldn’t contain my laughter and I fell back against my pillow as my body shook from laughter. “That is so wrong!” I exclaimed.

“You’re telling me?!” Shalee shrieked. “I’m probably going to hell for that, and it’s all that asshole’s fault.”

I laughed and shook my head. “Wow, Shal, I don’t know if I can set foot in a church again without that image being burned into my mind,” I commented.

“Pft, tell me about it,” she sighed, shaking her head.

“You've been very, very naughty," I laughed. “If you were Catholic, you’d probably be saying Hail Mary’s for the rest of your life.”

Shalee sighed and nodded. “I know. Good thing I’m not Catholic … Danny probably would have wanted to do it in the confessional booth.”

I snorted and fell into another fit of laughter. “That is just horrible,” I said.

“And he claimed that Eric was hornier than a three peckered billygoat,” Shalee laughed. “As if he had any room to talk.”

Mine and Shalee’s banter continued on through the night. The more tired we got the funnier everything became, but it felt so good to just laugh again. Once the laughter finally died away, Shalee stifled a yawn and turned to me.

“Did I tell you that Zac said he and Kate were moving their wedding date back?” she asked.

My tiredness was suddenly gone and I caught myself before I acted too excited about the news. I turned to her and tried to act surprised. “Really? Did he say why?” I asked.

Shalee shrugged. “He really didn’t say other than they’ve both been busy,” she answered. “Maybe he’s just doing it to make me feel better.”

I smiled and shook my head. “Do you think that if Kate hadn’t accused you of wanting Zac you’d like her?” I asked after a moment.

“Hmm … I don’t know,” Shalee replied. “I guess I never really thought about it. Maybe. Maybe not. Of course with Zac, sometimes I think I’m like the overprotective friend slash surrogate sister. I don’t know if anyone would ever really be good enough for him.”

My heart sunk at her words. Though I knew that I’d never get the chance to actually be with him, the thought that Shalee wouldn’t approve of me as Zac’s girlfriend stung more than I’d like to admit. I didn’t let it show though, and I wasn’t going to let it bother me. It would never happen anyway, so there was no use in dwelling on her words.

Sometime later we both drifted off to sleep, but I awoke after another dream involving Earl Hagley. I sighed as I pulled myself up and went over to my bag and took out my medication. I had forgotten to take it before I went to sleep, so I went down the hall and took my pills and used the bathroom before I went back to Shalee’s room.

I switched off the light, and for the first time I noticed the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling. It reminded me of Drea’s room, and I smiled a bit at the thought as I walked over to the television. The screen was covered with the color bars and said ‘Please Stand By’ at the bottom. I was sure that there was also an annoying buzzing sound to go along with it, but, luckily, it was muted.

I switched it off before I grabbed the blanket from the end of Shalee’s bed and stretched back out across the chaise with a yawn as I covered myself up and closed my eyes and fell asleep in the refuge of Shalee’s bedroom.