When Shalee and I returned to campus on Sunday evening, I was feeling surprisingly refreshed. All the stress from the previous week seemed to have disappeared. Even though I hadn’t heard a verdict on Earl Hagley’s trial, I wasn’t bothered. I had decided that I was going to do just like I had told my dad and move on with my life.

Shalee and Drea were still on me about talking to Zac, but I lucked out because Zac and his brothers had to go out of town for some music related stuff, so I had an excuse not to talk to him. Shalee kept leaving his cell phone number on the nightstand as a hint, but I wasn’t taking the bait.

I knew I liked Zac, but I wasn’t quite sure what was holding me back. Shalee kept saying that he wanted to talk to me, but I wasn’t ready. I knew that before anything could ever really happen with Zac and I, I would have to tell him about what happened to me. It was one thing to talk about those things with girl friends, but talking about it with a potential boyfriend was rather awkward.

I knew that it shouldn’t be though since I’d retold the events of that night in front of my own father, and if I could talk about it in front of him, then I figured I should be able to talk about it with anyone. It just wasn’t that easy though.

I knew that I really wanted to give Zac a real chance if he was still interested in me. Shalee said he was, and I didn’t think she’d lie to me about it, so I decided that when he returned to Tulsa, I would just give him a call to see if we could get together to talk. As much as I didn’t want to tell him about Earl Hagley, I knew if I was going to do it, then it had to in person. It just wasn’t something you discussed over the phone. What kind of conversation would that be anyway?

The Tuesday after Shalee and I returned to the dorms was Taylor’s birthday, and Shalee kept complaining about the guys being out of town. She claimed that she was going to do all that she could to get me drunk because she really wanted to see some table dancing. I was glad that Taylor was out of town, so there would be no birthday celebration at home. First of all, I had no plans to make a fool out of myself in front of Shalee because I knew she would never let me live it down. It was bad enough Drea wanted to recount my first drinking experience any chance she got. Secondly, I didn’t want to face Zac again at a birthday party where I was sure we wouldn’t have a real chance to talk but would instead end up feeling extremely awkward around each other the whole time.

That Thursday the prosecution and defense made their closing arguments and it was handed over to the jury to deliberate. I think dad was more nervous than I was. He wanted me to come home for the weekend. I told him that I had a ton of homework to do, but he convinced me that I could do my homework while I was there, so finally I agreed. I invited Shalee to come along as well, but she had already made plans with Andy, so she declined.

Andy seemed like a nice guy, but Shalee had confided in me that she wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. She said she wanted to play the field a bit before she settled into another serious relationship. I couldn’t blame her for that, and I was just happy to see her so happy.

She had even seen Danny while we were at the coffee shop one morning, and they had a whole conversation without a single argument. It almost seemed friendly. That was really nice because otherwise it could have been a really uncomfortable situation, and since they would be attending the same university for another three years, there would probably be plenty of chances for more awkward situations. I figured if they were able to be on friendly terms, it would be an all-around good situation for everyone involved.

The jury didn’t come back with a verdict while I was at home over the weekend, and dad was a nervous wreck. Finally I just had to leave the house and wound up staying with Drea on Saturday night. We stayed up half the night, and I wanted to watch Nip/Tuck, but Drea wouldn’t let me. I found out later because there was some guy known as The Carver cutting people’s faces on the show. I decided that it was a good thing she said no to watching it.

Instead we watched cheesy chick flicks until we fell asleep on the couch. In just a week’s time, it seemed as if Drea had become thoroughly miserable because she didn’t feel like doing anything other sitting on the couch and eating junk food. Mia said it was because she was probably going to go into labor soon.

I was hoping that she wouldn’t go into labor until the weekend so that I could be there for the baby’s birth, but I wasn’t holding my breath. However, when dad called me the next Tuesday, sounding rather excited, I thought that Drea must have had the baby, but I was wrong.

“Jude, the jury came back with a verdict today,” he exclaimed. “Guilty on every count!” he shouted.

“Oh my god,” I gasped as I fell down on my bed in shock. Shalee and I had been working on homework right before my cell phone started ringing, and I noticed her watching me carefully as if trying to figure out if it was a good ‘oh my god’ or a bad one. “Did they just read it?” I asked.

“Yeah, I just left the courthouse,” he replied. I could hear the joy in his voice, and I couldn’t help but smile as well.

“Thank god,” I sighed. “It’s finally over.”

“Yes, it is,” dad agreed. “Well, I just wanted to call you. I thought you’d want to know right away.”

“I did, and thank you,” I smiled. “Do you know when they’re going to do the sentencing?”

“Friday,” he replied. “You can speak before the judge if you’d like to recommend a sentencing.”

I thought about it for a moment, but then I realized I had never really considered my feelings on the matter. I knew that in a case of first-degree murder, which was his greater charge, he could either be sentenced to life in prison or death by lethal injection, but I hadn’t ever thought that far ahead. I was always too worried that they might not find him guilty at all, but with that out of the way, I wasn’t really sure about my stance.

“I don’t know what I’d say, dad,” I answered. “I don’t really know how I feel about it.”

“Well, if you don’t want to speak, that’s fine. I’m sure family members of the other victims will be speaking,” he said.

“I’m just glad they found him guilty,” I replied. “As for the sentence, either way I’ll never have to see him again.”

“Okay then,” dad said. “If you change your mind, let me know, and if not, I will see you soon.”

“Definitely,” I agreed.

“I love you, Jude,” he said. It was a rare thing to actually hear my dad say he loved me. He had started saying it more often than he had in past – especially after the attack, and while I knew he loved me, it was nice to hear it more often even if it was just for the sake of verification.

“I love you too,” I replied.

After I got off the phone, I turned to Shalee who was looking at me expectantly. “Guilty, huh?” she questioned.

I nodded with a smile, and she squealed and practically jumped across the room to give me a hug. My eyes filled with tears of joy as I held onto Shalee just as tightly as she was holding onto me, and I let out a huge sigh of relief.

It felt like a huge horrible chapter in my life had finally ended. I had lived in fear. I had lived in the past. And now it was all over. Earl Hagley was either going to spend the rest of his life behind bars or be sentenced to death. Either way, he wouldn’t be able to hurt another person as long as he lived, and that was all I had ever really wanted.

The rest of the week seemed to fly by and that Friday Earl Hagley was sentenced to death by lethal injection. Dad and Emmy both went to the sentencing, and Emmy told me that Earl Hagley’s mom had been bawling like a baby when the judge gave his sentencing. Emmy said that the bastard deserved it, and while I couldn’t help but agree, I also couldn’t help but feel sorry for his mother. After all, I was sure she probably hadn’t aimed to raise such a monster. It made me feel all the more grateful for my loving and caring family.

I went home for the weekend because dad wanted to celebrate, so we got the whole family together and had a huge dinner and hung out and talked. Drea was, of course, completely miserable throughout it, but she did enjoy the food. But I knew she was getting antsy about having the baby.

I had to admit that I was beginning to get excited as well. I knew that technically the baby would be my second cousin, but as far as I was concerned, he – or she if the doctor’s were wrong about the sex – would be more like a nephew – or niece – to me. Drea and I had been so close all of our lives that she really did feel more like a sister to me than a cousin.

And I was just so happy that despite what had happened between her and Paul, we were able to overcome it and move on with our lives. Even though Paul was gone, we would always have a piece of him with us – not only in our hearts, but also through his child.

My weekend at home was fun and relaxing, and when it was time to go back to the dorms, I knew that Drea would be having the baby one day in the coming week. I just had a feeling that the baby was going to come that week, so I told her that she had to have someone call me and keep tabs so that I’d know what was going on. Drea agreed, and after I said goodbye to everyone, I headed back to the dorm.

When I got back to the dorm, I found Shalee also in a good mood. She had gone home for the weekend as well, and she told me that while she was there, her parents made plans for Preston – and Phil – to come over for dinner the following weekend. Shalee was so happy that her dad was finally starting to come around. I knew that she loved both of her brothers and her parents very much, and seeing her father and brother at odds had really concerned her, but things were finally starting to come together, and I couldn’t have been happier for her.

When we returned to class on Monday morning, the excitement seemed to die down. Class was boring, and I spent most of the time the professor was lecturing recounting the events of the year. I couldn’t believe that it was already mid-March. I had even passed the one-year anniversary of my attack without blinking an eye. I had been expecting it to be a depressing day for me, but it came right after the weekend Shalee spent with Drea and I and seemed to have gone unacknowledged until I actually thought about it.

I had also managed to become friends with an amazing girl. Shalee reminded me so much of Drea that it wasn’t really any wonder that I liked her so much, but she was definitely her own person in her own right. She was funny and carefree, but she was also intelligent and caring. And the way she had welcomed me with open arms – literally – made me feel so loved. I had a feeling that Shalee and I were going to be friends for years to come.

I had also met the Hansons who had been great to me throughout the year. Diana had welcomed me into her home. She hardly knew me, but she fed me and made sure I was well cared for. She reminded me of my own mother from that aspect. All of the Hansons had been great to me though. They all made me feel welcome even though I had just started out as Shalee’s roommate. Upon thinking about them, I realized that I hadn’t seen them in so long, and I was really starting to miss them.

I also missed Zac, but he and his brothers were still out of town as far as I knew. Even if Zac and I didn’t work out, I hoped that we could still be friends. He had been there for me through some pretty bad times, and I really trusted him and cared a great deal about him.

Thinking of Zac also reminded me of losing Paul. It was hard to believe that he was really gone. Sometimes I forgot because I just didn’t think about it. Sometimes I felt bad for not thinking about him as often as I once did, but even though he didn’t consume my every thought, I still loved him and missed him.

I knew I’d probably never know if he’d intended to kill himself or not, but in the end it didn’t really matter and because of that I chose to keep his letter to me a secret. It was something that was just mine. As many questions as it made me ask, it was also brought closure to the situation. He had apologized for the mistake he and Drea had made. My only wish was the he could have been able to tell me those words in person instead.

As the professor was wrapping up his lecture, Shalee nudged me in the side to bring my out of my stupor. I thanked her and gathered my things as class was dismissed. Shalee and I went out for coffee before she had to go to her next class, and I decided to go back to the dorm and work on some of my homework. Shalee let me borrow her notes since I hadn’t taken any myself.

We had already agreed that we were going to try to get classes together the next semester, and we had already decided that we were going to room together again the following year. We had briefly considered moving into a suit with some other girls, but in the end we decided that we liked it the way things were, so we had filled out all of our applications and were getting set for our second year of college even though we still had another two months of our current semester left.

I was already dreading the end of the semester. I was ready for classes to be over, but I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Shalee for the summer. We had decided that we would have to get together as much as possible over the summer though. After all, Shalee still have to introduce Drea to Trey. She still had her heart set on making a “love connection” between the two, and I wasn’t about to stand in her way.

When I got back to the dorm, I started copying Shalee’s notes so that I would have them for myself before I started on the homework, but just as I was finishing up, my cell phone started ringing. I grabbed it out of my purse and checked to see who it was but no name came up, but I answered anyway.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Jude!” Mia exclaimed.

“Yes?” I replied.

“Drea just had the baby,” she cried.

“What? Already?” I gasped. “You were supposed to call me when she went into labor!” I exclaimed.

“I know, but things happened so quickly,” Mia replied. “She called me from home and said she thought she was having contractions, and by the time I got from the salon to the house, her water had broke. And when we got to the hospital, they barely got her into the room before they delivered the baby.”

“Oh my god! Wow. Are they okay?” I asked.

“Both of them are perfectly fine,” Mia replied. I could tell she was smiling. “Here, Drea wants to talk to you.”

“Okay,” I said before I heard Mia hand the phone over to her daughter.

“Jude?” Drea said. I could tell she was smiling even though she sounded exhausted.

“Hey,” I replied. “How are you feeling?” I asked.

“Very tired,” she replied. “But I’m a mommy now.”

“So I’ve heard,” I replied. “Was it a boy?”

“Yep,” she replied. “Good thing too. Emmy would have been pretty upset if I had to bring a little girl home to a blue and green forest themed room.”

“You’re probably right,” I replied. “So, do I finally get to know the name you had picked out?”

“Yes,” Drea replied with a small laugh. “Jackson Paul Jude Lowell.”

“Aww, are you serious?” I asked. “You named your baby after me and Paul?”

“Of course,” Drea replied. “I had to name him after the two people I love most.”

I felt tears spring to my eyes. “Thank you, Drea,” I whispered. “I love you too.”

“Don’t get all teary-eyed on me,” Drea laughed. “You know this means you’re just going to have to name your first born after me, right?”

“Why does that not surprise me?” I laughed as I brushed away my tears. “Okay, so if I have a boy, he’ll be named Andrew and if it’s a girl, we’ll have a little Andrea.”

“You can’t call her Andrea though,” Drea replied. “She’ll hate her name just as much as I do.”

“I’ll call her Andie then,” I laughed.

“Sounds good to me,” Drea yawned.

“Hey, I’m going to let you go so you can get your rest, but give that little guy a kiss for me, okay?” I said.

“Of course,” she replied.

“And I’ll be home to see him in a couple of days, but take a bunch of a pictures in the meantime, okay?”

“Mom’s got that covered,” she laughed.

We then got off the phone and I tucked my cell phone back into my purse and laughed. I couldn’t believe that Drea had actually named her baby after me. It was shocking and flattering, and it made my heart swell with pride.

I glanced at the clock and realized that Shalee would be getting out of class before long, so I thought I’d go down and meet her and tell her the great news. After all, if she really did get Trey and Drea together, Jackson would almost be like her nephew. I made sure I had my credit card in my purse because I thought I might see if Shalee wanted to go with me to the mall. If I couldn’t be there to see the baby, then I was most definitely going to shower him with a bunch of gifts when I finally got there.

When I arrived at the quad, there was still about half an hour before Shalee got out of class, so I went into the coffee shop and bought a caramel macchiato. The girl working at the counter recognized me from being there just a short time earlier and asked, “Didn’t get enough caffeine the first time?”

“Something like that,” I smiled as I paid. After I had my drink, I walked back outside. It was finally starting to warm up a bit. I was ready for spring. The cold weather was a nice change from the normal humid Oklahoma weather, but I was ready for it to be warm again.

I sipped on my drink as I walked toward the building Shalee would be coming out of, but I stopped short when I recognized Zac standing in front of the same building. I saw the side of his face and from the looks of things he had been there for a while because his cheeks were nice and rosy. I was surprised to see him because I wasn’t aware that he was back in town. The last time Shalee had talked to him, he was still in New York. Of course that had been a few days earlier, but I thought she’d surely tell me if he was coming home.

I swallowed my drink along with the lump in my throat as I tried to decide what to do. Zac hadn’t seen me yet so I still had the option of turning around and running, but on the other hand, I could finally grow a backbone and go and talk to him like I had said I was going to do for the past couple of weeks.

My feet seemed to make the decision before my brain because with legs that didn’t seem to be my own, I found myself walking toward him. Just as I got closer, he glanced in my direction briefly, shaking his hair out of his eyes, but did a double take when he saw me.

“Hi,” I said as I came to a stop beside him.

“Hi,” he replied.

“Waiting for Shalee?” I asked.

He nodded. “You too?”

I nodded. “I was coming to tell her that Drea had the baby,” I explained.

“Oh,” Zac said, looking interested. “What did she have?”

“A boy,” I smiled. “Jackson Paul Jude.”

“Oh, she named him after you. That’s cool,” he smiled in return.

“Yeah,” I nodded. There was an awkward pause before I asked, “Did you just get back home or something? Shalee didn’t say anything about you being back …”

“We finished things up in New York a couple of days early and got back late last night,” he explained.

“Oh,” I nodded. I stood there for a moment unsure of what to say next. Zac didn’t appear to be upset with me, and his calm demeanor almost made me wish that he were angry with me. I had been horrible to him the last time we spoke, and I felt like I deserved to be punished. However, I knew in my heart that Zac wasn’t that kind of guy.

“Um … can we talk for a minute?” I asked.

“I thought we were already talking,” Zac replied with a small smile.

I rolled my eyes. “I am trying to be serious here,” I replied.

Zac cleared his throat and nodded. “Then by all means, let’s talk,” he said as he motioned for us to go sit on a nearby bench.

I followed him over and sat down and stared at the scuffed toe of my yellow chucks as I tried to gather my thoughts.

“Hmm … I thought we were supposed to be talking,” Zac commented.

I glanced at him and tried to glare, but I couldn’t when I saw him smiling softly at me. It was as if he was trying to lighten the mood, and I couldn’t be angry with him for that.

“I’m sorry for the things I said to you the last time we talked,” I said quickly. Zac started to open his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “And don’t say it’s okay because it’s really not. I was horrible to you, and you didn’t deserve that at all. It wasn’t even really about you …”

“What was it about then?” Zac asked after a brief pause.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” I said. “Something I should have told you and Shalee months ago. Shalee found out on her own, but at least I can finally do the right thing with you.”

“What are you talking about, Jude?” Zac asked, looking confused.

“A little over a year ago I was home alone on a Friday night. My sister was coming to pick me up the next day to stay with her for the rest of the weekend because my dad and Fleur were out of town for the weekend, but I was home by myself for the night. I fell asleep late and didn’t bother to check the locks or anything. I just went to bed. Then a few hours later I woke up and there was a man in my room,” I explained quickly.

Zac watched me carefully and nodded a bit as if to assure me that he was listening before I continued. “Um … he was holding me down and when I tried to fight him off, he choked me until I passed out … and he raped me while I was unconscious,” I said, glancing at Zac out of the corner of me eye. I could see the look of concern on his face.

“When I woke up, I realized what he had done … and I tried to fight him off again, but he had a knife … and he stabbed me … a bunch of times and left me on my bedroom floor, thinking I was dead,” I continued, surprised at how calm I sounded.

“But my sister found me the next morning when she came to get me … I’d lost a lot of blood, but I was still alive … obviously or I wouldn’t be sitting here right now,” I muttered more to myself before I looked back at Zac.

“I had to have a bunch of stitches and blood transfusions. I was in the hospital for about a month recovering from it,” I explained. “But I was able to give the police a description of the guy that attacked me … and he got stopped by the police for drunk driving. And he also raped and killed six other girls,” I said quietly.

“Are you talking about that serial rapist … murderer … whatever they’ve been talking about on the news?” Zac asked, looking shocked.

I nodded. “I had to testify at the trial, and they just came back with a guilty verdict last week. He was sentenced to death,” I said. “Um … I know this is probably a shock to you, but I was really stressed out about testifying when you came to talk to me … after you … broke things off with Kate.”

“So this was what you were talking about when you said I didn’t know you?” Zac asked.

“Pretty much,” I nodded.

“I wish you would have told me sooner,” Zac commented.

“I wish I had too,” I agreed. “I thought about it a lot, but I was afraid.”

“Afraid? Of what?” Zac asked. “Me?”

“No … it’s just that I hadn’t talked to anyone about it – not really,” I explained. “And I was scared that you might think differently about me if you knew …”

“Why would you think that I would think differently about you if I knew?” Zac questioned.

I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I sighed. “Because I’m stupid?”

“You’re not stupid,” Zac smiled. “And it’s okay. It can’t be easy to talk about. I’m just glad finally you told me.”

“Me too,” I smiled. “I’m just really sorry for the way I acted toward you the last time we saw each other.”

“No, it’s okay,” Zac said. “I thought about it a lot, and you had every right to say those things. I cheated on Kate. There’s no way getting around that, and it was wrong of me. And I never should have put you into that position to feel like the other girl. It wasn’t fair to you or Kate,” he said. “And it was stupid of me to say that I was giving up everything to be with you,” he continued. “While my intent was to break up with Kate to be with you …”

“I’m sorry for wrecking things between you and Kate,” I cut in.

“But you didn’t. Wreck things, I mean,” he said. “Like I was saying, that wasn’t the real reason I broke up with her, and it wasn’t fair of me of make you feel like it was because of you. I loved Kate, and part of me will probably always love Kate. Like I said before, she’s a great girl and she’s going to be make some guy very happy. I’m just not the guy,” he sighed. “Things between her and I weren’t going too great even before I met you, but I was holding onto her because I wasn’t ready to let go. And then we started spending more time together, and I just … felt this connection between the two of us, ya know?” Zac said.

I nodded in reply. I knew all about the connection he was talking about, and it was nice to hear that I wasn’t the only one who felt it.

“See – Kate and I don’t connect like that anymore and we hadn’t for a while,” he explained. “And it was stupid of me to ever propose to her in the first place. Just because it was the next logical step didn’t mean that it was the right step, and when I started having doubts about the engagement and my relationship with her, I should have admitted it instead of stringing her along and starting things with you. And I understand why you would feel like you couldn’t trust me because I did everything wrong with you,” he admitted with a sigh.

“We both did things wrong, Zac,” I commented. “Everyone makes mistakes, and for the record, I do trust you.”

“Really?” he asked.

“Yes,” I nodded. “And I do really care about you, Zac. I’m sorry for acting like I didn’t. I guess we both made a lot of mistakes.”

Zac nodded in agreement. “But I’d really like a chance to do things right with you,” he commented.

“You mean like … we could start over or something?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “And this time we could try to do things right.”

“I’d like that,” I smiled softly.

“Me too,” Zac agreed as he reached over and took my hand. I watched as we intertwined our fingers, and I smiled to myself as I felt a swell of butterflies in my stomach. “So, would you give me the pleasure of letting me take you out this weekend?” Zac asked.

My eyes met his and the fluttering in my chest seemed to increase. “I’d love to,” I replied, but then I realized that I was going home for the weekend to see the baby. “But I’m going home this weekend,” I added reluctantly.

The smile that had had started to creep up on Zac’s face faltered only for a moment before he shrugged. “That’s okay. I guess I’ll just have to make a trip to Roland this weekend,” he grinned.

“Zac! You don’t have to drive two hours to see me,” I exclaimed.

“I know, but I want to,” he replied. “If that’s okay with you.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “As if I’d stop you,” I replied.

“Great,” he smiled. “So, whatcha drinking?” he asked, nodding toward the coffee cup in my hand.

“Oh, it’s a caramel macchiato,” I replied. “I’m kind of addicted to them.”

“No way! Me too,” Zac exclaimed with a laugh. “Ya know, I don't believe in soulmates, but if I did, I think you would be mine.”

“You don’t believe in soulmates?” I asked, feeling a bit surprised.

“Nah, not really,” he replied. “I mean, the whole concept that there’s only one person out there for you is a bit discouraging, don’t you think?”

I thought about it for a moment. “I guess I can see your point,” I nodded. “But I don’t think that by believing in soulmates it means that there’s only one person for you. I mean, maybe we all have more than one. Sort of as a safeguard, insuring that you’ll find someone that … you connect with,” I shrugged as I tried to find the right words.

“Well, that makes sense too,” Zac nodded. “Okay, so maybe you’re converting me into a believer,” he smiled.

I rolled my eyes and nudged him in the side with my elbow. “I guess Shalee’s wearing off on me,” I commented. “About making people see things my way, I mean.”

“Yeah, she’s good at that,” Zac nodded. “Speaking of which, she should be getting out of class soon.”

I glanced at my watch and nodded, and then as if on cue, a group of students came out of the building where Shalee’s class was held. It only took me a moment to spot her, talking with Andy, and I stood up, pulling Zac with me.

Shalee looked in our direction and looked first from me and then to Zac, and then finally to our hands. She seemed to forget that Andy was even there and ran over to us, squealing the whole way. She didn’t say anything at first. Instead she enveloped us both in a hug as she jumped up and down.

“You’re finally together, huh?” she finally asked once she released us from her bone-crushing embrace.

Zac and I glanced at each other, neither of us really knowing what to say. Finally Zac spoke up and said, “Well, this crazy girl has decided to give me another shot,” Zac smiled.

“It’s about damn time,” Shalee nodded.

I rolled my eyes and leaned into Zac. “I think you’ll also be happy to know that you’re now an aunt,” I commented.

Shalee’s jaw dropped and she started jumping up and down again. “Drea had the baby?!” she squealed.

“Yep,” I nodded.

“I got one-hundred percent on my English Literature paper too. This is officially the best day EVER,” she grinned as she grabbed the coffee cup out of my hand and took a drink. “Mmm … caramel macchiato.”

I looked at Zac and quirked an eyebrow. “Is Shalee your soulmate too?” I asked.

“Nope, just my best friend,” Zac grinned as he kissed me on the forehead. “And you’re the one that captured my soul.”

I smiled with contentment. I couldn’t help but agree with Shalee. It was quite possibly the best day ever. But then on second thought it seemed more like it was the best week ever.

Everything from the previous year that had gone awry seemed be resolved. Things were finally coming together and I seemed to have a good handle on everything going on in my life. The future was unknown but the possibilities were wide open, and I was ready to take full advantage of each and every one of them and move forward with my life.