Poetry

Blind

March 24, 2004

It is dark and cold outside
In the shadows she tries to hide
She blends in with the blanket of black
As she looks to the sky
For no wish on a star will she try
It is faith that she lacks
It is far too late to consider turning back

She left that other world behind
She blocks the memories from her mind
Now she takes what she can find
But it’s hard to see when you are blind

She is not blind in the eyes
But blind to love, blind to hope, blind to her demise

Breathe

March 24, 2004

Your hands are around my throat
Suffocating me
I can’t breathe
I can’t see
Through this haze
Lift the fog
Set me free
Let me live
Let me breathe

Broken Angel

August 07, 2003

People look at me and see this girl
This girl who is sweet and kind
But they have no idea what is on my mind
I’m not what they think
Things aren’t what they seem
The girl they see is just a dream
Because inside i am broken … broken down … broken apart …
They think i’m a perfect angel
But they don’t see that if i’m an angel, then i’m a broken angel

Demons

January 27, 2005

Sickness creeps through my veins
It seeps into the wounds I’ve tried to hide,
Infesting my heart and mind,
Pushing aside the ones on which I once relied
The pain that lie dormant has been rectified.
It cuts to the bone,
Leaving me split, broken, and bleeding out,
And I have no choice but to wonder about,
Looking to the sky as I scream and shout,
Begging, pleading for these demons to get out.

Graduation Is Almost Here

April 25, 2002

Graduation is almost here
The end of high school is drawing near
We thought this day would never arrive
We wondered how we would ever make it - how would we survive?

All those long days of boring class
Worried that we wouldn’t pass
Now our day is growing near
No more lectures left to hear

We will all go our separate ways
Starting our new lives
Making our way through the maze
Trying to decide what we want to do
Everything will seem so new

As we prepare to walk the plank
Our lives will be like a new sheet of paper - our page blank

The decisions we make will change our lives
Some days may be full of strife,
But always remember the great times
Our friendship will always remain in my mind

Graduation isn’t the end
It’s just a new beginning
A door may be shutting
But only to open another door to a brand new path

We can always think back to our past
Cherish the memories because they fade fast
Take the good times and hold them is your heart
The time is nearing when we must part

All this work has come to this
After we walk across the stage,
This book will be closed
We will all go our separate ways
We will move on to a new volume in our life

It will be time to pursue
Go after all the things we hoped to do
It will be time to reach for our goals

When the night comes for us to graduate
We will all be dressed in our cap and gown
We will all anticipate moving to the next phase

It may seem scary
It may feel strange
But it’s part of life - all things change

So, when you think back to this day,
Just remember what I had to say,
“Goodbye, TC, I’ll miss you all.
I will always remember walking down the halls,
And don’t forget whatever you do,
We are the class of 2002.”

Hidden

Happy though she seems
She walks sadly in despair
Beautiful, yet sad

Hidden Bliss

13-years-old and alone in my room,
watching MTV was the cool thing to do.
I stopped reading and looked at the screen,
as a video with three blonde brothers appeared.
I didn’t know the words,
but it still brought a smile to my face.

It was the summer of ‘97
And “mmmbop” was the song.
A few days later I could sing along,
Word for word I knew each verse.

My summer was filled with bliss
As I listened an album called Middle of Nowhere again and again.
But when school resumed,
the joy was gone.
The kids laughed and pointed, joked and jeered.

Being a Hanson fan wasn’t cool anymore,
But my love for Isaac, Taylor, and Zac remained,
Though hidden from my peers.

Illusion

december 15, 2003

don’t pretend to know me
don’t pretend to care
it doesn’t really matter
because you were never really there
it was just an illusion
of what i wanted to see
but the truth is
you never really cared about me

Insanity

December 18, 2003

i feel like i’m caught in a web of insanity.
i don’t know how i got here,
but can’t someone set me free?

Lame By Default

December 19, 2006
For my sister, Christmas 2006

You’re my little sister.
By default, you were lame.
Sometimes I even thought you were insane.

But we are sisters.
Some of my best memories are the ones we share.
A fair few bad, and even some sad.
But these are just a few of the great ones we’ve had –

Listening to Hanson for hours on end
And writing stories and singing
Because we liked to pretend.
1997 was the year you became my friend.

Staying up all night with Sherry
Because we thought Blair Witch was scary.

Sleeping in the truck
Because getting rained out of our tent was just our luck.

Listening to songs like “Safety Dance” and “Land Down Under”
Because they made us laugh and everything seemed funnier.

Riding around town in a foil hat
Because we’d just watched Signs.
Everyone asked, “What’s up with that?”
As we repeated all the funny lines.

Remember all the fads?
Spice Girls, *NSYNC, Limp Bizkit to name a few.
Remember all the concerts we went to?
They were all the best because I was with you.

We’re older now and a lot has changed.
We’re both adults and I don’t think you’re lame.
But some things always stay the same.
You are my sister, through and through.
And I will always love you.

Lost

January 05, 05
11:35 p.m.

I’ve tried for so long to understand,
tried to figure out who I am,
but the journey has always been in vain.
I don’t know who I am,
so I can’t ease the pain.
This puzzle’s scattered,
spread all out.
Pieces are missing,
lost, never to be found.

Mirror Dreams

april 09, 2003

uninhibited
unforeseen
looking at the world
through a screen
the world is a mirror
resembling a dream

Never, Always

March 31, 2005

Never seeing beyond the trees
Never feeling the sweet summer breeze
Never knowing what it’s like to not be alone
Always hidden in her own zone
Always scared of being found out
Always filled with cruel doubt

Night Owl

Like the owl who flies by night,
Swooping, gliding, gaining its sight
Experiencing the world through darkness of night
As the stars shine brightly against the velvet sky,
I gain solace in the quiet twilight.

Nighttide

Brilliantly bright lights blind me
Like a deer caught headlights
I turn away from the sight
Hoping covers will hide me from daylight
I spent the nighttide trying to write
Now I need to hibernate
Like a bear hidden in a haven of hills

No Time To Hesitate

November 9, 2000

who, what, when, where, why?
nobody knows when they’ll die
in this world of greed and hate
there’s no time to hesitate

Numb

February 25, 2004

I’m empty
All the way down to the core
I’m nothing more than a shell
I’m hungry
My insides long for nourishment
Just to feel again would mean so much
I’m tired of being numb

Psalm of the Internet Junkie

April 25, 2002

The Internet is my friend
I shall not log off.
It allows me to do what I need.
The Internet lets me check my e-mail
and send messages.
It allows me to chat with friends,
and do research for school.

Although it ties up the phone line
and no one can get through,
I will continue to use it.
The mouse and keyboard
will help me.
I will type away for hours
in front of the screen.
I will search on several windows,
until the computer is overloaded.

E-mail and instant messenger will attend me,
until something better comes along
And I will remain seated before the monitor
Until the Internet is cut off.

Psalm of the Recluse

April 25, 2002

My room is my shelter
I shall not come out.
I will lie down in my comfortable bed.
My television shall entertain me,
to keep me connected with the world.
Carson Daly will show me
the top ten music videos of the day.

Even though I shall sit
alone in the darkness of my dwelling,
I will not be alone
for my radio is beside me.
The tuner will guide me
to the right stations.
The antenna will help me
get good reception.
The music will sooth me
as I rest my tired head.

My chambers will shield me,
for the rest of my days
And I shall live in my bedroom
until the end.

Sham

january 07, 2004

don’t sit there and pretend like you care
i know you don’t
i’m well aware
everything we were supposed to have
all of the things we were meant to share
were all just lie - a complete sham
i know it could never be
because you don’t even know who i am

Shrouded In Doubt

March 31, 2005

Dark and dreary
inside and out
Hallow yet heavy
my heart feels doubt
Broken and mended
destroyed must be my style
Hopeless and tired
I’ve already walked a thousand miles

I’ve walked for so long
just to seek you out,
But when I got there,
I found all we had,
shrouded in nothing but doubt

Sonnet of the Trash Can

The trash container stood at the edge of the yard
But then the wind came along and blew it away
Through the grass and gravel in the old drive it lay
Without trash within to anchor it down, it had no guard
The wind and rain, sleet and snow hit it hard
Submerged in dirty water and mud it must stay
Venture out through the elements? I say no way
To the brave soul who will retrieve it, I give my regard
As the sun once again starts to shine, the ground dries
The water seeps into the earth as birds sing in the trees
No more excuses for the abandoned barrel, I realize
The opportunity has come which I must seize
Out through the yard and rising degrees,
I reach the dirty container and smile as if I’d found a noble prize

Tori

Fine curly red hair that is always out of place,
17-months-old with a peaches and cream face.
Big blue eyes, curious with a hint of mischief.
When she speaks it is gibberish,
But it makes perfect sense to her.
She’s a little busybody, wandering from room to room,
Always leaving a mess in her wake.
When she’s mad, she’ll let you know.
She’s small and precious, but a force to be reckoned with,
Yet I love her just the same,
And my heart melts whenever she says my name.

Transparent

december 13, 2004

am i obvious?
am i transparent?
can you really see completely through me?
and all this time i thought i was so good at hiding my pain
but the disguise, the fake smiles, all of it was just in vain.

Untitled

February 06, 2004

Cold and empty
Lost and confused
Trying to make my way home

Bitter and confused
Tired and abused
No longer easily amused

Don’t know up from down
Left from right
Looking at everything in hindsight

Try to mend
Ready to start over again
No idea where to begin

The seams are torn
This skin is worn
Most days I wish I were never born

Broken inside
Too much to hide
Ready to turn with the tide

When Our Love Died

April 17, 2000

It rained for days
The flowers died
Everyone left
And I went inside
When our love died

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